#anonkristoff

@maggiethemaid & @anonkristoff

{♔} —- Even half asleep, Hans knew those hands, and he knew that if he didn’t wake, Maggie would keep tugging on his facial hair until it was completely out of shape. His sideburns were impossible to smooth down once Maggie got a hold of them, so he rolled over and wrapped both arms around her.

“Mmm. Good morning,” he sighed, his eyes still closed. For a moment he simply lay there, enjoying the warmth of their bed, but like Maggie, hans could not help but notice how empty it felt without Kristoff’s broad shoulders or steady breathing.

Three weeks he’d been gone, and still there would be two more before Kristoff returned. Three times, Kristoff’s letters had reached them, and three times, Hans and Maggie had sent a message back. Today the postmaster would come again, and with him, word from the King and Queen’s husband.

“I finished my half of our letter,” Hans said, still tangled in Maggie’s limbs. “And I saw the gloves you made! Kristoff will love them… Though I’m not sure that’s quite what he meant when he complained about the cold.”

Hans propped his head upon one flat palm, his brows furrowed and thoughtful.

Send 📜 for a story my muse would tell their children about your muse.

{♔} —- “What? Kristoff never told you about the dragon?“

A red-haired boy and towheaded girl stared up at Hans, their eyes round and wide and eager. It was clear that they would believe anything that Hans told them–and why shouldn’t they? These children had trolls for grandparents and a father who breathed fire, so why couldn’t there be dragons?

“What did he do?” the girl pressed. “Did he storm its lair? Steal its treasure?”

“Nothing of the sort!” Hans gasped, appalled by the very idea. “Kristoff, steal from a dragon? Nana taught him better manners than that. No–the dragon invaded a kingdom. Tried to take the whole thing for himself. Luckily, Kristoff just so happened to be passing by.”

“With Sven?”

“Yes, with Sven. Anyway, the kingdom had a strong and beautiful Queen, and the dragon knew that if he was to take what was rightfully hers, he would have to gobble her up!”

Hans snarled and brandished his hands like sharp claws. The children squealed with terror and delight

“In the midst of a fierce storm, he came for the Queen. His blade– I mean, his teeth glistened in the light, and a wicked sneer curled his lip. There was nothing between him and victory!”

“What about Papa?” the girl squeaked.

“Ah!” Hans raised a single finger, as if to bid patience from his young daughter. “Kristoff was fighting through that terrible storm, desperate to help in any way he could. He had no magic, no weapons, and even Sven had fallen behind! Every breath was a struggle, every step a triumph–he wasn’t even certain that he could reach the dragon in time. The beast raised his mighty arm and–!”

“Papa saved her!” the boy shouted. “Papa saved the Queen!”

“No. A princess beat him to it.”

The children blinked. Then, in unison: “What?!”

“A princess threw herself before the Queen and smacked that dragon clean across the nose.” Hans tapped his own as if to demonstrate. “Broke his claws, too. The dragon was quickly driven off and the princess, proclaimed a hero. But Kristoff didn’t mind. He just wanted to help.”

The children groaned and visibly deflated. Hans couldn’t help but laugh–until something occurred to his son.

“How do you know that story, Father? Were you there?”

Send one of these to my muse to see how they react {Frozen Edition}

{♔} —-Run? After smuggling him past Arendelle’s borders, weeks of travel through uncharted roads? Run from trolls who were hardly taller than his knee, and whose round, cheerful faces spoke only of warmth and welcome?

But before Hans knew it, he was lifted from the ground and thrown from one pair of hands to the next, not unlike cargo at the docks. A cry of shock left his lips, but the trolls set him down just as quickly, surrounding him with curious eyes and eager questions.

“He doesn’t look like his portrait! Where’s his crown?”

“I couldn’t travel with–”

“Can you really make fire? Pabbie said we had to hide our crystals because–”

“Yes, I can, but–”

“The poor thing has torn his trousers! Take off your clothes, I’ll mend them.”

“N-no!” Hans tugged his boot from the insistent troll, sharply aware of the red-hot flush blossoming across his cheeks. “No, thank you, I’m fine!”

“But of course, Hans dear,” the troll replied. She fixed him with a warm, maternal sort of smile, and only then did Hans realize that yet another troll was laying something atop his head: a wreath of red flowers. A crown.

They gave him a mantle, too, woven of grass, moss and more flowers. It was bright and exquisite in its detail–were they trying to make him feel at home, or more like the King from his royal portrait?

But no–as the trolls pushed Hans to his feet, he could see that Kristoff received similar treatment. He, too, wore a makeshift crown–but it was more masculine, somehow, with mushrooms instead of flowers, and a cape of muted greens. He looked like a King–a Troll King, perhaps, awkward and unsure, and blushing every bit as much as Hans.

 {♔} —- “I’m sure I can manage…” Hans said, nodding in agreement. Perhaps it was easy for Kristoff to forget, but most royals were not as approachable as Princess Anna. An aloof, detached manner was to be expected from a King, and if Hans needed to distance himself, it would not be the first time.

“I’m not eager to repeat my mistake,” he continued. “I have no interest in destroying half the mountain…”

His hands tightened on Sitron’s reins. He could still feel the crystal’s power, like an echo in his bones. Though scar was not as visible as Maggie’s, the crystal had left a mark on him. Hans never wanted to touch one again, especially not crystals worn around the necks of children…

He shuddered at the thought.

Grovel

Sail to Corona in search of Princess Rapunzel's healing tears

{♔} —- Hans’ fingers closed around the vial at once, his face burning red. He whirled around, almost as if to conceal the writing box behind his back, but to no avail.

“W-Work indeed!” he stammered. Hans revealed the case and tilted it towards Kristoff, so he might see its scandalous content. “I s-suppose you’re to blame for my m-missing papers and ink…! If you’ve lost my letter from the viscount, I’m going to be very cross…!”

Deflecting accusations with accusations of his own–it was an old trick, one Hans learned by watching his brothers. By this point, it was more a reflex than anything else, and not one that Hans relished. His blush only grew even deeper, and he quickly moved to excuses.

“I was only going to write a note or two, I promise. It might seem unimportant, but answering a message quickly can make delegations much easier…!”

Again, he trailed off, before at last hung his head in shame.

“I’m sorry. Really. This was actually rather thoughtful…” Hans examined the different vials more closely–one oil promised to warm on contact, another boasted of heightened sensations. All of them only deepened the red in Hans’ cheeks. “This looks like a lot more fun than writing letters…”

Hans looked up again, a hopeful grin toying at his lips. He took a few steps towards Kristoff.

{♔} —- “Did you get Maggie a gift?” Hans countered. His eyes grew round and wide. “Wait--did you get me gift?”

Hans’ eyes went even wider, finally realizing the full weight of his error. He didn’t get anything for Maggie and Kristoff besides the pleasure of his company, free from the distractions of work.

It seemed a sufficient gift at first, but now--

{♔} —- “Maggie would hardly be the first woman off-put by her in-laws!” Hans laughed. “But I’m not terribly worried. Maggie is nursemaid to a Dragon Princess, so a few trolls should be easy to accept.”