#anon.bin

i’m going to be completely honest now because i think i’ve been skirting around my actual reason for my prev. answers hahahah but it was largely because of the people i was working with and surrounded by while i was in cw (i.e. other students, class and block mates)

the professors are GREAT, i’ve never had a bad professor and my absolute favorite one still was from cw (i miss him dearly he was amazing) so i never had any problems with that. other students weren’t unkind or mean or anything but i just didn’t… vibe with them?

when you’re living in a 3rd world country that does not value the arts and humanities, art and the pursuit of it are difficult when you don’t have the privilege (and i believe that shouldn’t be the case honestly. i wish it wasn’t.) and spending two years in cw made that sink into my soul deep lol i’m not very privileged and there was a clear gap in that among my peers in the program which made it hard for me to keep up and relate to the people i spent the most time with. in no way do i harbor any grudges for them or have bad beef with them but i realized that i don’t see myself being in the same situation and working with the same type of people 5, 10 years from now. to add to that it just felt too lonely, being there and writing graphic non-fiction essays about my goddamn childhood trauma hahahahah 😂

this is definitely a very personal experience and it does not reflect how the cw program as a whole is. i just had trouble finding “my people” in the program. i had also guessed that my passion for writing wasn’t enough to push through, yk? bcs if it was i would’ve stayed. and that’s fine! i’m happy with how things turned out and now i feel much more at ease when i write stuff for silly, sexy fictional people

blis is also something i’ve only heard about recently, tbh, which is funny because that’s the program i shifted to. i think i mentioned my reasoning for program changes on this blog before but basically, while i was 100% sure i wanted to take up cw when i was applying for uni, over time i just felt like i wasn’t growing. it’s a me-problem, actually. i genuinely enjoyed and learned so much from cw but i never felt like i fit or belong in that field? i love it, sure, but i just can’t get myself to feel like i /want/ it seriously. and with that internal conflict i felt like i would just come to hate literature in general when i force myself to push through, and i didn’t want that. i love literature.