#anon contribution

I am a legal minor. Gah, I hate that term. I have a mental countdown until I will no longer be. When I can have freedom and choices. I used to fantasize (still do, I know it’s wrong) about my parents dying in a car accident or something. Because it would free me from them. My dream is of a world where there is no such thing as a minor. Where people don’t have to wait 18 years for their human rights. I found the youthlib community as an anti-c radqueer, and they inspired me to join pro-c spaces. Because if I believed that children should have all these other rights, why didn’t I believe they could consent? In pro-c spaces, there was no distinction between adults and minors. No one was required to give their age. I was not constantly reminded of my lesser status.

I left radqueer spaces after seeing what was essentially encouraging self-harm. But I still have some of my beliefs. And I don’t know what to do.

I actually empathize with you a lot.

When I was a minor I had no idea radqueers existed and no contact with their spaces, but I remember feeling inferior due to being a child or a teen like how you’re describing. This was mostly because teachers in my school system would be cruel to their students and not respect them as people. I waited a long time to escape a particularly abusive situation, all the while fantasizing about murdering someone or blowing up the building, which I didn’t really want to do — it was a manifestation of how powerless I felt at the time and how I wished I could do something about it. Believe me when I say I don’t see you as a terrible person. Just as someone badly affected.

The reason there’s such a strong divider between minors and adults is because minors are generally vulnerable in a way adults aren’t. They’re emotionally, financially and physically dependent on their guardians. The distinction is necessary to protect them. It is sadly often taken advantage of by some adults to do the opposite but there is solid backing for why it exists in the first place.

Minors cannot consent to adults because adults are in a position of power over them. It’s the same reason an employee cannot consent to their boss in the workplace. The laws forbidding these types of relationships protect those at risk rather than disenfranchising them further. As a minor, and as a person, you have the right not to be taken advantage of.

Minors can consent to other minors around the same age as them. There is no power disparity there.

I joined a transid server for advice on transitioning. And I saw one person talking about trying to smoke a lot in hopes that they get cancer.

It felt like a gut punch. Call me a hypocrite all you want. I’ve turned a blind eye to much worse transition goals. Murder. Human trafficking. RAMCOA trauma. But those things were always (I know this sounds horribly offensive to the victims, I’m so sorry) abstract concepts. I knew they happened somewhere. To some people. But they were never real.

Not so with cancer. My grandfather got addicted to cigarettes at age 15. He got lung cancer. The first time he was in the hospital was before I was born. They told me he was in remission. But it came back and put him in the hospital again. He lived. But you could see the difference in him. Then when COVID-19 hit, he couldn’t go anywhere. Because his lungs were already vulnerable. And he was, all the while, still smoking the fucking cigarettes! Knowing what they had done to him, what they were still doing to him! Because the addiction was too strong.

Radqueers would say that attempting to give yourself lung cancer is included in “radical bodily autonomy”. And I know this makes me sound like a terrible person, but if that’s what radical bodily autonomy is I don’t want it! Staying in that community would be a betrayal of everyone who I’ve ever worked alongside at American Cancer Society fundraisers.

I don’t know where I’m going to go from here. But I might follow your blog. If you could recommend any other blogs, that would be really nice, thank you.

You brought up a really good point about finally seeing the harm in that mentality when it affected someone close to you. That's a completely understandable experience to have. It goes to show that when radqueers talk about pursuing various types of self harm lightly, it does end up insulting those that deal with those struggles that didn't ask for them. And that's something that people can learn to understand even if they don't have personal experience with the subject. That's why it's important to listen to communities you don't belong to.

I'm sorry you had to experience so much insensitivity to those serious topics. I wish you well on leaving the radqueer community. You're welcome to follow me if you'd like. /gen

Two seconds after I received this ask I got a follow from someone who has me blocked. So. Lmao?

Right???