What Do You Mean It Isn’t a Bitty Bath?

Life seldom turns out the way you expect it to. As a young miniature King fresh out of the nursery, he’d considered himself invincible, unflappable, a prime example of all things noble and heroic. It came as no surprise that you adopted him mere days later. Who could resist his dapper charm and fierce display? As soon as you opened the door to the home he would be sharing with you, the King set out to explore his new kingdom. You tagged along behind him- his admiring entourage of one.

The curious King lamia bitty climbed furniture, poking his face into every nook and cranny to take in the entirety of his surroundings. He slithered confidently into your bedroom, planning to claim a corner of the bed as his nest when movement caught his eye. Flaring his hood, he whirled only to see another King glaring at him menacingly! A shocked expression crossed the other King’s face, a mirror image of his own features.

Realization dawned on the King in seconds. He raised a hand; the other King mimicked the motion. He wiggled his tail, and the other King did the same. Extending a hand, the King tapped the hard surface of a mirrored door on your closet. His own reflection had startled him. His angular cheekbones flared with an embarrassed blush. Maybe you hadn’t seen his reaction…?

A choked laugh from the doorway behind him dashed the King’s hopes for some iota of remaining dignity. His hood drooped, but you hurried over to comfort him. How many times had you woken up at night only to have your own sleep distorted image frighten you? You reassured him that he’s still your precious, amazing King, and he relaxed.

That night he slept in your bed, snuggled against the warmth of your body to protect you from any pesky nightmare images that might appear in the mirror’s silvery surface.

The next day you needed to run errands, and you promised the King that you wouldn’t be gone long. You preferred for him to stay at the house for now until you had time to take him on a proper tour of the neighborhood. You also wanted to surprise him with some new items to make your home feel more like his home too- some extra blankets, clothing, and maybe a few new books to read together during quiet evenings at home.

Confidence restored by a good night’s sleep, the King waved you away. The excitement of yesterday left him tired today, and staying around the house sounded perfect. Shortly after you left, the King paid a visit to the bathroom. He glanced briefly into the empty bathtub. Such a large basin must be designed for a full-sized human or monster. Surely he didn’t require that much water to clean himself. Fortunately, he discovered a smaller, lidded tub next to the sink, already filled with water!

The temperature of the water was a bit chillier than he liked, but the King had to admit that humans were particularly clever for inventing a bath that could be emptied and refilled with the push of a lever. A splash of your bubble bath and a quick flush created a nice, relaxing (if a bit cold) soak for the King.

You called out to your King when you arrived home, and he answered you from the bathroom. The smell of your favorite bubble bath tickled your nostrils. You smiled, imagining the King running himself a warm, fragrant bath and then wrapping himself in a plush towel to dry off afterwards. You step into the bathroom holding up a new outfit that you purchased for him to find him splashing about happily… in the toilet.

You lifted the miniature King out of the toilet with one of the aforementioned plush towels, rubbing him dry and wrapping him up for extra warmth. Setting him on the bed you showed him all of the gifts you brought him. He investigated each item, beaming and thanking you profusely. You hated to ruin the moment, but you couldn’t keep letting him bathe in the toilet.

You explained the function of a toilet for human beings, watching the look of joy on his face slowly transition to an expression of utter horror and disgust. You managed to hold back your laugh this time, and when he insisted on taking a proper bath in the actual bathtub, you even ran the water for him and helped him scrub his scales.

The King woke up early the next morning. He wanted to make things up to you after the bathroom fiasco of the previous day. Maybe he could try cooking? He knew you had some cookbooks in the kitchen; he saw them on his original exploration. Climbing up onto the counter, the King leafed through the cookbook pages, finally settling on a simple recipe for pancakes. It took him awhile, but he gathered the necessary ingredients, measured them carefully into a bowl, and stirred them until they were the correct consistency. He lifted a pan onto the stovetop to cook his pancakes in and turned on the burner.

Flames erupted underneath the pan. The terrified King leapt backwards, knocking the bowl of pancake batter off of the counter and onto the floor. Fire licked greedily at the pan and the King panicked, racing into the bedroom and shaking you awake with cries of “FIRE! FIRE!”

You scrambled out of bed, legs tangling in the sheets and causing you to faceplant onto the floor. The King pointed towards the kitchen, and you rushed in to take care of the fire only to discover that your gas stove was operating normally.

Sighing in relief, you informed your King that he had not almost burned down the house at all. Instead, you taught him how to operate the stove, explaining how the fire came from gas lit by a pilot light. The knobs on the stove controlled the gas output, but even at the highest setting, the flames didn’t escape the burner. Together, you and your lamia mixed up a fresh batch of pancake batter and had a nice fluffy short stack each for breakfast.

The King thought back on his first few days as your bitty with a nostalgic grin. A few weeks had passed since then, and the two of you had settled into a happy life together. He no longer bathed in the toilet. He learned how to cook a variety of delicious meals that he often prepared right alongside you in the kitchen. He accompanied you on your errands wearing the badass leather jacket you gave him, helping you navigate the twists and turns of the now-familiar neighborhood… but he never stopped guarding you from the mirrored closet.

He gave your shadowy reflection in the shiny surface one last warning glare before tucking himself into your arms and falling asleep.