So,

I planned to attend a concert i failed to watch last year. Yes, exactly (around) last year.

And so i just failed again.

I was a crying mess. It was like the whole universe dont want you to be there.

And i get it. It was probably for me so that i have to study these past 2 weeks so that i could escape for 2-3 hours later. It was probably for me to stay until 12 am when everyone's fast asleep. And probably because i did everything, this past week, for granted?

God i swear i wasnt.

I mean this is the first time in my 6 years stanning: stanning never been this heartbreaking.

Because this time (the 7th week of the rotation out of 9), as i, a 22yo intern at this district hospital (that happened to be 18km away from the city instead of other 3 inside), who's having a pre examination syndrome, is having a test on monday (instead of thursday or friday), with patient just being admitted like 2-3 hours before 2pm (i dont wanna thank God for sick people but thank God), and a really caring consultant who was willing to stay till noon just to give us the said patients and still kindly taught us the way it is supposed to be (but why he was there only after 2pm,,), and all those misscommunication between me and my helpful drivers and it IS SATURDAY NIGHT YAY so it was a less than 10% chance of me to get to the venue before the concert ended.

And to think that i managed to decide all of it on a motorcycle in the middle of nowhere while getting hit by the downpour (or is it my eyes), no really i got hit twice by the rain, i'm now a self proclaimed grown woman. Thank you.

(Crying 20 minutes during the rest of the ride home and stop only to get in to my room and continue for another hour are part of how a grown woman cope with a heartbreak for loving a group that barely know that i exist because my love is....real........ and you should know that it is possible for a person to genuinely stan a group)