#angstyimagine

You recognized me, of course. I wasn’t surprised, with the way my face is plastered all over the internet, but I couldn’t help the twinge of disappointment that ran through me. It was cute how you pretended not to know who I was, though.

I asked you out, and although at first you were cautious, you gave in after a few days of texts and a phone call or two. Taking you to a lavish restaurant was a mistake. You grew apprehensive when you saw the prices on the menu, even more so when I asked you to relax and just let me take care of it. Clearly, you weren’t the kind of girl that cared about that sort of thing.

The next date went better. Just a local cafe, with regularly-priced drinks and plates of food. You were finally able to relax, and talk, and laugh. God, I loved your laugh. The way you scrunched your nose as you giggled tipped the scales, making me fall hard for you.

When the three weeks of my vacation were up, I was already calling you my girlfriend. We talked about you moving to Seoul to be closer to me, but even I knew the distance would be difficult no matter what. Still, you were strong. You knew who I was before we met, and therefore, knew the life you were agreeing to. The separation was hard, but it was made easier by nightly video chats and a constant stream of texts.

After six months, you moved to Seoul. I remember picking you up at the airport and swinging you around, peppering your face with kisses as you laughed. I was so happy, then. Everything seemed right… until it wasn’t.

As the months of our relationship went on, the sparks between us cooled off and we grew more comfortable around each other. You wore less makeup and more leggings, there was a drawer of your stuff at my place, and we started spending nights in rather than going out. I didn’t mind this, really. It was nice being able to be more myself around you and not have to try so hard. Unfortunately, that was exactly the problem… Both of us stopped trying, and our relationship suffered because of it.

More time passed, and you ended up moving in with me. It was great, because for the first little while, we entered that honeymoon phase again. Something new and exciting… but that didn’t last long. As each day passed, I realized that girl that I met a year and a half ago, who I fell so hard for on that cafe date, who used to make my stomach flip over itself, who used to make my heart feel full just by looking at me… was no longer that special.

We barely tolerated each other, constantly fighting over stupid stuff and snapping at each other. Our relationship took a turn for the worst. It wasn’t bad or anything… but it wasn’t good, either. And no matter what we did, no matter how many times we tried to change or make it right, the relationship we both used to treasure was on a steady decline. We started saying “I love you” less, replacing it with phrases like, “Goodnight,” or, “See you tomorrow.” Neither of us questioned it or brought it up. In the back of our minds, I think we both knew where things were heading. After all, a relationship ultimately ends one of two ways. You either break up, or you stay together.

Finally, the day came where you said those dreaded words. “Jimin… Do you even love me anymore?”

We were sitting on our couch, and you were looking at me while I refused to look anywhere but at the ground in front of me. “No,” I muttered after a few minutes of silence. “I don’t.”

Despite this confession being nothing new, I still remember the hurt in your eyes that caused tears to well up and trickle down. I slept on the couch that night, listening to you sob. I could practically hear your heart breaking, but I could no longer keep lying to myself and, more importantly, to you. This wasn’t working anymore.

A week passed, and you had found a new place and were moving out. “It’s for the best,” you said, hands shoved in your jacket pockets, looking anywhere but at me.

I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. Being gone for months at a time, the late-night practices, the long hours at the recording studio… I knew it wasn’t easy on you. I wanted to stop the pain.

Another year passed, and I began seeing pictures of you on social media with another guy. He wasn’t a celebrity or anyone special, but you seemed happy. I noticed the way you scrunched your nose had come back… too bad it was no longer just for me.

It was our last concert of our tour, which we chose to end in Seoul. We were singing Mikrokosmos and waving goodbye to all our fans, when my heart nearly stopped. There you were, smiling up at me, singing your heart out. He was behind you with his arms wrapped around you, swaying you both in time to the beat, smiling and laughing as he leaned down and kissed your cheek.

I pretended not to see you, keeping a taut smile on my face as I waved goodbye to the rest of the crowd. So this is what our relationship has come down to. We’re just… nothing. Complete strangers. Our lives will never intertwine again, and even if they did, it would never be the same. Every kiss, every night together, every trip has boiled down to absolutely nothing but memories. Did it even really happen?

I felt disappointment roil through me the same way a thundercloud rolls over a sunny sky. How did I let things get to this point? How did I ever let you go? I kept pushing you away in the name of stopping the hurt, but I never gave a thought to my own feelings. I lied back then. I loved you. I loved you so much. Part of me still loves you. We should’ve ended up getting married, not as complete strangers.

As the stage lowered and we waved goodbye to our fans for the final time, I locked eyes with you and watched your sharp inhale as you realized I was looking at you. As if of its own accord, my hand reached out and I gave a little wave just for you. You gave me a half-smile and waved back. The only difference is, I was trying to say hello. I didn’t want to be strangers anymore. I wanted you back in my life, back to the point where you felt comfortable enough around me to eat as messily as you wanted and to wear whatever you felt like. You, however, were saying goodbye. For the last time. For forever.

I came to that realization as the stage hit the ground and staff swarmed me, offering me towels to wipe sweat away and bottles of water. I’d never have another chance. Our lives were on two completely different paths. It would never be the same.

Waving everyone off, I walked towards my dressing room, numbness taking over as my subconscious tried to protect me from the pain. So this is what regret feels like.

It’s crazy how relationships work. Or rather, how they don’t.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

“Spit it out mortal.” The distance between Loki and (y/n) growing smaller as he slowly advanced menacingly on her. Choosing actions over words, (y/n) turned her head to the side slowly, still unsure if he meant her harm but the thought quickly left her head. This was her soulmate, or so she thought, he wouldn’t do that... would he?  

The distance between them was so short that if (y/n) were to reach her arm out just slightly, she’d be touching him and oh how she wanted to finally touch him. (Y/n) tucked her hair away from her ear and Loki seemed to step ever slightly closer to glance at what she was trying to show him.

A light touch fell behind her ear making (y/n) slightly jump, causing Loki to quickly retract his hand and cough lightly, coming to his senses. 

“Why pray to ask, would you, a Midgardian, have my name in our ancient language behind your ear?”  Loki looked at her in wonder, never seeing such a strange thing on a Midgardian.

Turning so fast that Loki barely had time to move back, suddenly they were face-to-face. Their noses almost touching and for once Loki could do nor say nothing. Looking down into (y/n)’s gaze, he felt ensnared within her eyes. Like her very sights would put him on the verge of madness and set him to go any lengths just to see her look at him that way again.

“Do you truly not know what…” Seeing Loki’s eyes watching hers softly, (y/n) knew that he had no idea what she was talking about but indeed felt something. 

A thought suddenly struck her. Did Asgardians even get a soulmate tattoo? Oh god, her other half didn’t even know he had another half. Loki watched as her expression went from soft and caring to steel and slowly she moved backwards. Ripping himself away from petty thoughts, Loki’s manic smile returned, stalking towards (y/n) in a predator versus prey manner.

“No darling, what I’m more interested in is that small amount of power you seemed to possess, turning into the god of lies is not an easy task. Let alone for a mortal to perform such a trick. So, tell me, where do you hail from? Alfhiem? Asgard? Possibly even Svaltelhiem?”

“What?” (y/n) was so confused and distracted with the idea of her soulmate standing right in front of her, she’d almost forgotten the battle around her and the reason this had all occurred. Tripping over a rock behind her as she tried to back off even further, Loki caught her arm and pulled her into his chest. 

“You’re not going anywhere darling, we’ve only just begun to have fun.” (y/n) began to struggle before suddenly freezing in place and Loki was almost worried for her sudden stillness.

When Loki grabbed her, sudden memories of Luke her grabby co-worker resurfaced, nobody touches her like this; soulmate or no. She was still that strong woman who didn’t need a soulmate. 

Venom dripped from her words as her gaze slowly lifted from his chest to glare at Loki through her lashes. As he watched her, the amount of menace leaking of the small mortal astonished him. That entrapping gaze watched him through her lashes.

Her tone and mouth felt like honey as the words dripped from her mouth, it felt almost foreign, yet familiar. 

“Release me, or I swear by all that is mighty I will tear you limb from limb. God or not, do not test me Loki because you will lose.”  And Loki listened, much to the surprise of both parties. Something in Loki flickered like a flame, what he felt was…odd. Affection, shock, and pride, yet he also felt hatred; how dare a tiny human, a mortal, threaten a God like this! 

She should be punished! Conflicting with himself, Loki said nothing else and grabbed (y/n) again, pulling her to him by her arm. Suddenly her vision was upside down as Loki carried her to his flying chariot. She needed to be studied, for Loki was too curious to let her go. 

This woman had powers, she stood up to him and not to mention (y/n) had managed to speak in the mother tongue of Asgard, which no mortal had ever had the likes to hear or read about; so, how had she done so? It seemed she hadn’t realised it either.

(Y/n) thrashed around trying to get herself released, but nothing seemed to be working. 

“Let me go, you absolute ass-wipe!” Loki let a smile slightly slip at the odd profanity, before masking it in time to settle her on the flying machine and set off.

 “Oh, hell no!” (y/n) was suddenly sitting on the floor perfectly still and holding onto the railing, closing her eyes. He glanced down at her in a bored manner and (y/n) felt the fighting flame within her be extinguished. If there was one thing that terrified her most of all, it was heights.

Loki watched as her hatred seeped away, twisting into pure fear, making something within Loki squeeze. He didn’t like seeing it, but he could do nothing when he was so close to a soldier; not that he would have anyways. 

‘I am a God I do not comfort petty girls who are afraid of heights.’  Shaking his head clear of the wondering thoughts, Loki’s senses tingled and luckily perfectly timed, he caught an arrow in his hand. Looking back to the archer, he seemed to be questioning these mortal’s intellect. An arrow versus a Go-

Before Loki could even finish the thought an explosion and he was thrown off the chariot. Strangely his first thoughts were not of where he was to land but rather what of the mortal? Landing, Loki rolled up instantly and glanced around to locate her and there is where he saw her. 

Falling. 

Loki’s heart hammered too fast to register and his mind flew in a thousand different directions. Yet, he could do nothing but scream “NO!” The curious being he’d failed to ask so many questions. To study her, learn her powers and possibly gain her on his side for the taking.

A red blurry object suddenly flew past the building Loki was situated upon and caught her. Breathing some sigh of relief, Loki stood and began trying to work out his problem with this mortal. 

Why was he so affected by her? Was she an enchantress? Probably. Loki couldn’t consider this too much as a big green force smashed into him, causing him to go flying through the remaining windows of Stark’s tower.

(Y/n)’s P.O.V

When (y/n) finally woke, she felt the stiffness of a bed beneath her and the smell of a sterile environment. 

 “What the hell?”

“I think I should ask you that, (y/n)” She quickly sat up in surprise, wincing before looking over to a worried Clint Barton. 

“Clint, the-the city it’s being attacked, we have to-” 

“(y/n) it’s okay, it’s okay! It’s over, we finished them off.”

“You… finished them off?” (y/n) stared blankly at Clint as he looked back at her, almost guilty. “I haven’t been completely honest with you when it comes to my job. I-” (y/n) suddenly cut him off with a smile.

“Clint, you don’t have to. I’m fine with not knowing, I’m just your coffee gal.” 

“Well you’re going to see it anyway, so might as well.”

As Clint sat and explained to (y/n) his duty as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent (now not so secret) and how Thor had saved her after he blew up Loki’s carriage with her, unknowingly to them, in there. 

“I’m really sorry (y/n) I didn’t know you were with him. Which brings me to the question that’s on everyone on bases minds. What were you doing with him?”

(Y/n) looked guiltily around the room as if her very soulmate tattoo was her own doing and by choice. Clint’s eyebrows came together in a frown as he watched her oddly quiet behaviour. A door opening broke the pair’s concentration as (y/n) looked up to find a certain captain in her doorway. 

“Steve! Hello!” (y/n) behaviour was suddenly upbeat, excited to see him once again. Clint narrowed his eyes in confusion, half opening his mouth and pointing between the two. No one was paying attention to Clint as they were focussed on each other.

“(Y/n), I’m glad you’re up.” Steve smiled softly, looking down to the cheesy, yellow flowers he held in his hand. (y/n) followed his eye line and saw the flowers, gasping in excitement before attempting to sit up. 

Both men moved quickly towards her as she let out a gasp of pain, trying to help her sit up and get comfortable. When she was finally settled, (y/n)’s smile returned again. 

“Are… are those for me Steve?” Pointing lightly with her casted arm to the yellow flowers. “Yeah, I uh figured I’d see how you’re doing after the whole almost world ending thing…”

Scratching the back of his head shyly, (y/n) indicated with her arms that she wanted them. Passing them to her as she cradled and smelt them. Closing her eyes, (y/n) held the flowers close to her. 

It had been a while since anybody (besides Clint, but he never got her flowers so…) had anybody had treated her with so much kindness. Her eyes remained closed as a picture of eyes formed behind her eyelids. They were a mischievous green with subtle hues of blue. Opening her eyes suddenly, she gasped clutching the flowers tighter within her hands. Her vision clouded with the green eyes and her ears pounded with the melodic, deep laugh of her soulmate. 

“Get the doctor, quickly!” She heard someone leave the room quickly a face in front of her but all she could see was green eyes. 

“(Y/n), stay calm. It’s okay, stay with me.” 

“Green.” (y/n) strangled out, it seemed to be the only word her brain could get out as a burning sensation crawled over her body in waves. What she meant was Loki, that’s what she needed. Something was very wrong and (y/n) knew it had to do with Loki. 

“What, (y/n), what’s green?” The face became more blurred as she let out a final scream of 

“LOKI!”

--------------------------------

(Y/n) woke for the second time in the stiff bed with a worried Clint leaning over her.

“Clint? What happened?”

“Hey, you were out again for a couple hours but the doctors said nothing was wrong. Something went very…uh, right?” He couldn’t seem to find the correct words. 

“What do you mean?” (y/n)’s eyebrows furrowed as she stared Clint with her piercing gaze. “You’re almost completely healed, (y/n). The doctors can’t even explain the phenomena that happened, it’s like you’ve been healing for weeks rather than a couple days. Also…”

“What is it?” Sitting up, (y/n) felt less resistance in her once broken arm, though it still stung, she faced Clint head on. 

“You called for Loki.” (y/n) blushed five shades of red, all the way to the tips of her ears and turned away to look outside the window.

“(Y/N) if there’s something you need to tell me, it will stay between us. Plus, I think I already have some sort of clue…”

(Y/n) looked up into her friend’s eyes, water slightly pooling in her eyes. No, she wouldn’t cry over this and so, she sniffed and blinked to clear it away. Her soulmate doesn’t determine who she is.

“Loki, he’s… he’s my soulmate, Clint.”

“Yup, definitely knew it.”

A laugh suddenly escaped her mouth while Clint’s face remained blank. (Y/n)’s face suddenly drawing to a blank as a question popped into her mind. 

“Now, I know this might sound terrible considering he just invaded us and all, but Clint, I have to know, is he… is Loki dead?” Her eyes teared up thinking about the possibility that her soulmate was dead. 

Terrible or not, he was still hers and some part of her still wanted him to be okay despite his flaws. She’d waited too long, cried and suffered too much to come so close and have him torn away. She was a strong, independent woman and having something that you’ve always desired before you only to have it torn away so quickly, is devastating for anyone no matter how strong. 

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry... Both times while you were out, you had constant seizures and we almost lost you twice. We suspect it was your bodies response to his death.” Clint squeezed his eyes shut and looked away as a mortified scream left (y/n)’s lips.  

He couldn’t be! It wasn’t… No!

“No! You’re wrong!” She watched his face, not opening his eyes and not even facing her. 

“ How-? Did you-?” Words failed her as she tried to understand the gravity.

He was there, right in front of her. Close enough to touch.

 Clint looked guiltily at her, “S.H.I.E.L.D. … This morning.”  

“NO!” (Y/N) roared in mortification. If she’d only woken up earlier, explained that he was her soulmate! 

(Y/n) stood up abruptly, throwing the blankets off herself and ripping out the needles and wires, trying to put distance between herself and Clint as he tried to console her with his arms. 

(Y/n) constantly pushed him away, “Stay away from me!” Her voice was powerful, causing Clint to freeze at the sheer power. The door slamming open, (y/n) saw Steve enter the room in a panic. 

“What is going on in here?” 

“I-I can’t.” Clint whispered, abruptly leaving the room, head down while on his way out. Steve watched him leave before returning his sights to (y/n).

“I’m leaving.” (y/n) glared at him. She tried to leave through the door but Steve blocked the door with his body. 

“I’m sorry (y/n), but you can’t.”

“The hell I can’t Rogers. Just watch me.” Steve winced at his last name, it didn’t sound right coming from (y/n). 

“I’m sorry, it’s orders. You’re not allowed to leave.” He attempts to say it softly but there was no way to say it without sounding cold. (Y/n)’s narrowed eyebrows and eyes suddenly smoothed out. 

“I’m not only here because I’m injured, am I?” Steve just stared back with guilt. The feeling seemed to be going around like a fever.

(Y/n) knew she wouldn’t get past Steve so she decidedly walked right over the window and looked out into the world. She did this so calmly, that Steve felt a shiver run down his spine, similar to a feeling he got from Loki upon their first meeting. 

She was stuck here because they had already known Loki was her soulmate. They would have seen her tattoo and known instantly as she had. But Loki was gone and she was stuck here with people she barely knew and her only two friends seemed to be betraying her for some secret company.

“(Y/N) …” Steve tried, moving slowly closer. 

“Get. Out.” Steve stood still, not wanting to leave her alone. He knew what it was like to lose one’s soulmate. It was a stab to the heart, an empty feeling that’s irreplaceable, a cold cry into the abyss.

“Please, I don’t want you to be alone.”

Turning to look at Steve over her shoulder she saw the two-way glass situated just behind Steve, opposite her, and decided to stalk towards it with fists clenched. 

“Alone? I’ve been alone all my life and I’ll be damned if anyone thinks they can walk into my life and suddenly dictate what I can and can’t do.” Turning to Steve so quick, it almost made him jump. Tilting her head ever so slightly, (y/n)’ voice was strong and fierce, yet it was spoken slowly; insanely calm that the toughest men would quiver before it.

“I’ve met men like the ones you work for Rogers, they’ve pushed me down all my life, think they can control me, but just watch as I’ll prove every one of you just how wrong you can be.” She smiled menacingly at Steve before retreating back to the window.

Behind a two-way mirror, one Tony Stark turned to an eye-patched man, Fury. 

“They share the flare for drama, don’t they?”

“Stark, I want to know everything about this girl. She says she dangerous, then let’s treat her like she’s the worst damn criminal we’ve ever captured.” Tony looked at Fury in disbelief. 

“Fury, she’s a kid, let her go. She met Loki for all of two seconds and we’ve just told her he’s dead, by our hands.” He didn’t seem to look like it was changing his mind. Tony huffed and turned his back to the glass, looking anywhere else but the broken girl in the room.

“We’re creating enemies faster than we’re making friends. She thinks he’s dead, can you even imagine a sliver of the pain of losing your soulmate? Then sticking her in a room, just after her only two friends are betraying and lying to her, with her thoughts is bound to drive someone mad. Then she’ll find out and all hell will break loose. We already had a witness account of her having some similar magic abilities to reindeer games. The longer we keep her here, the more chance someone’s going to let slip of little magic boy’s interrogation cell downstairs.”

Fury crossed his arms and turned from Stark to the girl, ignoring his little spiel. “I want to know more about her Stark. I’ll give you three days.”

Tony huffed and walked away and as he did the shattering of a glass vase against the wall in the room was heard. Steve moving out of the room quickly avoiding the items being thrown, (y/n) practically storming after him. 

“LET ME OUT!”

[Part 3]

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