#angstygoods

The mansion’s foyer was consumed by darkness as the moonless night continued on, unfazed by the lives going on inside of it. Or the stress of one mutant currently sitting on it’s darkened steps in silence. You listen to the low buzzing sound of the electricity flowing throughout the place. It’s the only thing that’s keeping you grounded as your emotions fight to dominate one another. You try not to think of all the ways this confrontation could end badly. You can’t if you want to see this for yourself. You have to breath and be silent. He can’t know you’re here until you have proof. The professor has to just be testing you is what your thinking as you wring your hands. It has to be something else, anything else other than this again.

A few more minutes go by before you catch movement out of the corner of your eye. You stare at James Proudstar as he slowly makes his way towards the front doors, completely distracted with the intent of sneaking out and not using his heightened senses to pick up your hammering heartbeat. Your body sags in defeat, emotions escaping and revealing your presence before your words can. Small currents flow through you, causing the lights around you both to lowly flicker. He stops walking and turns towards the distraction.

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t find out?” Your voice comes out rougher than usual. You clear your throat and stand when he makes his way towards the steps.

“Hey babe. When you told me you wanted to be alone tonight, I didn’t expect this. Stairwell brooding isn’t healthy.” Is he actually trying to hide this with a joke? This only fuels the fire, the lights now flickering brightly.

“Don’t try to distract me. I know what you’re doing.” His smile drops and he shifts in an attempt to hide a very obvious duffle bag. “Are you sure this is the choice you wanna make?”

You catch the guilt that briefly passes on his face. “Please don’t ask me that.”

Swallowing the newly forming lump staking claim in your throat, you motion towards him before continuing on. “Look at you. Sacrificing the life you’ve made here on a hunch.”

His eyes harden at that. His next words are spoken harshly. “This hunch is gonna help me get vengeance on my brother’s death. Vengeance on my tribe’s slaughter. I have to do this.”

You shake your head as you let out a puff of a laugh. “And I was dumb enough to believe you when you were spewing all that crap about us being your new family, your new tribe. Now what? Are you gonna go back to them? To those people who could be the possible murderers you're so hellbent on catching?” Your breathing is picking up now, but your anger is starting to run low. You’re shutting down like you usually do in verbal fights. Knowing that this is gonna get you nowhere, with your hands raised, you throw in the towel. “You know what? I’m not gonna fight you on this one. You’ve left before so this shouldn’t even be a surprise. At least you don’t have to sneak out this time.”

You turn to leave, knowing this isn’t the way you really wanna end it. You know this is something he has to do, though he doesn’t have to do it alone. You wanted to say that you were here for him, but the words just won’t come out.

James reaches out and grabs you. He says nothing, hoping that the one action will tell you just how much he needs this. When it’s not enough, he begins to plead. “Please don’t leave it like this. I swear to you that I’ll be back. Just like last time.”

Jerking away, you spin quickly on your heels to confront him again, the anger suddenly returning. “Like last time? Last time you were gone for three years! So you want me to wait on you again? Wait with no contact, no idea if you’re dead or alive, or even with someone else? Is this gonna be exactly like last time?”

He stiffens at you last question, but doesn’t question how you know about his little mission on the side. You can feel electric currents running through your fingertips but force yourself to calm down. You marked him leaving as a break up so you shouldn’t be mad. Doesn’t hurt any less though.

“What do you want me to do then? I can’t just sit around here knowing that the chance I’ve been waiting for is right in front of me. No matter how small that chance may be.”

You throw your hands up in frustration. “I’m not telling you to just give up on this. I want you to be smart about it. Maybe take a day to actually plan something out. Or take a person or two so you’ll have some kind of backup if things go south. Anything besides this.”

He’s shaking his head at the idea, moving farther down the stairs. “I don’t have another day. The longer I’m here, the farther away my guy gets. Plus, I don’t need some rookies who’ve never been in the real world slowing me down.”

“Not even me?” You search his face for any sign that’ll give you an answer before he speaks. What you see there isn’t what you want. His eyes are filled with guilt and determination. He softly says your name but you stop him before he can give you some half assed excuse. “Don’t give me an excuse or some long winded reason behind your answer. Just tell me yes or no. You’re the one with the tight schedule.” With a hammering heart and electricity flowing through your body like blood, you steel yourself for the inevitable.

He shakes his head and looks down in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

You manage to keep your forming tears at bay. Your powers, however, aren’t being as compliant as the light flickering starts to run down the halls. “Ok.”

When you don’t elaborate further than that, he looks up in confusion. “That’s it? Is that how you wanna part ways?”

Now you’re just frustrated that this is dragging on longer than you want. You raise your hands in a surrendering motion. “Fine. Do you. Live your best life. Fucking make your dreams come true. I don’t know what you want me to say after that.” Blinking rapidly, you lose a fighting battle with a lone tear as it slides down your face. You wipe it away as you look anywhere but in the eyes of your newly declared ex.

James takes a step towards you only to stop when you match his step backwards with a lifted palm. “I can’t promise to be back soon, but I can promise you that I’ll be back as soon as this is over.”

With a shake of your head, you give a small smile. “Nah. Take as much time as you need with whatever and whoever will be out there with you. Not like there’s gonna be anything important waiting for you here.”

Hurt and regret is all that can be read on his face now. “Do you think we still have a chance once this is all over? Think you can fall back in love with me then?”

You scoff at that. “My powers may short circuit my brain and leave me ditzy all the time, but my mind is surprisingly clear right now. So please take me seriously when I say that I don’t do third chances.” His eyes begin to glisten and you hate how much it hurts to see him like this. “As for falling for you again, I don’t think I’ll really stop loving you. You’ll always have a place in my heart. I just can’t go through the same thing again.” With that being said, you take the few steps needed to land next to Proudstar and pull him into a body encompassing squeeze. You pull back with a tight smile. “Goodbye. I hope you find what you’re looking for out there.”