Upside to having little to no followers, this stays mostly unread. This is stupid, but I need to get this out, and I don't like talking about things like this. I have a severe social anxiety, well, maybe not severe, but pretty bad. I was teased...no...basically tortured verbally in high school. I had alopecia...and those assholes treated me like my touch was cancerous, so I got used to not being "allowed" to touch. It's left me severely stunted in giving physical affection, I have a hard time letting people touch me, and being affectionate with other people. I also have abandonment issues. People either leave me by moving away, or just stop contacting me, I have a really hard time trusting people now, because I end up just getting burned. At my job, when I originally started, I got bullied a lot by my co-workers, and I was close to being fired because I was calling out almost every week because of my anxiety. Luckily, they all left, or got fired, and a new crew came in. One of the girls, who's now my manager, saw the bullying, before she got promoted, and helped me get my stuff straight, and helped gain confidence back. I started to open up with her, and one of the other girls. Me and the second girl, hang out sometimes and do things, but lately she's pulled away a lot, and seems annoyed with me in general. We got two new girls in, and one of them is having a bonfire party tonight, I was invited, but ended up having to back out because I got stuck at work late, and still had to drive an hour home to take care of my animals. I texted, got no reply, and thought nothing of it. Two of the other girls texted, backing out, and both got responses where my text did not. It's so stupid, but it hurt my feelings, like they could give a shit less that I wasn't going. I'm not upset about not going, I mean, there would've been a lot of people I didn't know, and my anxiety would've just made me uncomfortable, but not getting a response just really hurt me for some reason. I'm really sad about this, and it makes me feel like shit. There, just needed to get all that off my mind, I don't feel any better, but it's not twisting my guts up with anxiety anymore.
