#anger work

I'm so pissed off. Aren't you? I'm so angry. I want to help those I can't reach and I want to hurt those I can't touch. I try to do my part. I cry. I'm so fucking frustrated and numb at the same time.

I use this spell for when I want to rip out my hair and scream into the void. When watching a video on my phone makes me want to vomit from the injustice.

This spell won't fix the world. But it will help you release the paralysis so you can actually DO something (or rest without guilt).

What you need:

Salt

A candle (any candle)

Paper + pen

Your breath

The spell:

1. Light the candle. Say: "I acknowledge what I cannot control."

2. Write down what's making you feel helpless. The news. The state of the world. The thing you can't fix. Whatever's crushing you. Be specific.

3. Read it out loud. Let yourself feel the weight of it. Don't rush past this part.

4. Say: "I cannot carry the entire world. But I can carry my part."

5. Pour salt in a circle around the candle. This is your boundary. Inside the circle: what you can actually do. Outside: what you have to release because it's not yours to fix.

6. Ask yourself: "What is ONE thing within my control right now?"

Not "save the world." Not "fix everything."

ONE thing. Text a friend. Donate $5. Rest so you can show up tomorrow. Make dinner. Don't look at your feed for an hour.

7. Write that one thing on the back of the paper.

8. Say: "I release what I cannot hold. I commit to what I can."

9. Fold the paper. Place it inside the salt circle next to the candle.

10. Sit with the candle for 3-5 minutes. Just breathe. Watch the flame. Let the helplessness drain out of you.

11. When you're ready, blow out the candle. Say: "I am not powerless. I am doing what I can."

12. Do the one thing you wrote down. Today or tomorrow. Doesn't matter when. Just do it.

13. Throw away the paper (or burn it if you can do it safely).

14. Sweep up the salt. Throw it away or pour it down the drain. You're releasing the boundary—you don't need to hold it anymore.

The point:

You can't fix everything. You're one person.

But helplessness makes you freeze. And freezing helps no one.

This spell breaks the freeze.

It reminds you: You have agency. You have choice. You can do SOMETHING, even if it's small.

And small things compound.

You don't have to save the world today.

How to make anger work for you

Turn anger into a positive force by understanding its triggers, pausing to reflect, and channeling its energy into constructive actions like problem-solving, goal-setting, or self-improvement.

The resolution to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), per an episode of NCIS, was to rediscover purpose and learn to trust.

With the anger work that I'm doing, I think there is more involved than just rediscovering purpose. I've had that for quite some time. Ladder has driven me, relentlessly. Having since published the demo server, I need to continue working on many other parts of the project ... and the most important .. building a following.

There are three components of recovery that I have discovered so far.

The first is that there has to be a positive future outcome. There must be a light at the end of the tunnel. Without this, why continue to strive for anything. Living because you don't to die, it's living. Living because there is something that you're affecting though ...

The second is relief. PTSD is a constant re-triggering of the old trauma. The solution to resolving the trauma is to become desensitized to it. While I may no longer respond to the original triggers, that doesn't mean that I feel relief on many other levels.

Third, is the quality of life issue that 1 and 2 speak to. But this quality of life, focuses on enjoyment. It's hard enough to separate two major issues in my life, "Am I gay because of the sexual assault?" Or, "Did my being gay cause the sexual assault?" Thankfully, I was lucky, I had memories of being gay well before the sexual assault started. However, another question arose when this problem was solved, "Did I have sex because I enjoyed it?" or "Was I coerced into having sex?" The later question when generalized, now begins to unlock the problems that I've been experiencing. "Am I working because I enjoy it?" or "Am I working because I am being coerced into pay bills?" I'm sure that many of you would say that it doesn't matter whether or not you enjoy working, you have bills you have to pay. And yet, science has shown that productivity is severely affected if you don't enjoy the work you're doing. Let's take money out of the equation, and just look at this humanistic issues. Taking a shower, getting dressed, cleaning, washing dishes, washing cloths, grocery shopping, mending things, taking care of pets, working out, cooking food, reading a book, learning something new, grappling, playing the piano, and so on. While these require some money to complete, they in themselves speak to the pure question of enjoyment. Which leads to the 4th issue I've always known about in my trauma therapy.

In 5th and 6th grade, many traumas occurred at the hands of an RWNJ teacher, who ran a capitalist system in his classroom. Both grades participated. What I saw happen, is exactly what is playing out in the political theater now, the rich are manipulating the government to give them the best deals, while everyone else has to suffer with what the government can offer after all the money they've taken has been loaned back to them at an increased interest rate. It's a sick cyclic game that I neither enjoyed or wanted to play. And, in protest decided not to play. The 4th issue in PTSD recovery is, "understanding". I've always known that if I understood all aspects of the trauma, the trauma would resolve and dissolve.