#and so complex

And I am so overwhelmed by the beauty of what I have found that I have spent a full day trying to convey how gorgeous this script is and how much it moved me.

I do not possess the ability to do it as of yet.

But for fuck’s sake, just watch this movie.

And that's one of the reasons why I can never hate Billy. I can empathize with the hurt, the pain the fucking embarrassment from getting abused in front of other people. the deep seething rage from not being able to fight back and having to repress any emotion to what just happened unless you wanted to get an even harsher beating. The raw heartbreak of having your parent, someone who's supposed to love and protect you, verbally abuse you and put their hands on you in such a violent way.

And the frustration of no one noticing you need help but also being so fucked up by the abuse that you don't even know how to regulate your emotions or be emotionally open and vulnerable with people in fear of being abandoned or hurt again

I understand having all that built up anger with no outlet for it so you keep it inside and let it fester and boil until you end up snapping and the immediate regret after doing so but you're so ashamed that you'd rather avoid the people you hurt because you can't stand to see how your actions affected them.

Just imagine... Silco placating this little girl (while secretly enjoying playing but he'll never admit), but also impatiently patiently waiting for Marcus to get there so he can maintain this terrifyingly threatening gesture of like "see how easy it is for me to get in your house and gain trust with your daughter and ..."

Nonsie, you are absolutely not bothering me at all. In fact, if this is bothering me, please do it all the time. I love this.

Now to answer the question, I think Sophie is absolutely stuck in two worlds. In the span of like two days she left behind everything she’d ever known, and in the following months not only was she constantly learning new things, she had to unlearn a lot of what she was taught. And she might feel grief over those lessons she’s had to leave behind.

To put it bluntly, she has nothing but memories of the human world. She brought a single backpack of things that she never touches, a scrapbook and a notebook, and she occasionally talks to her sister. That’s it. That’s all she has. That’s eleven years out of like sixteen (idk her exact age). That’s gets out calculator 68.75 percent of her life. And she has nothing of it.

Those first years of her life were her foundation and made her into the person she is today. And not only did she leave behind her physical possessions, every lesson she was ever taught in school no longer matters. Her science is wrong, she hardly ever speaks English and certainly never writes in it, her perception of World History is inaccurate, and her body doesn’t have the limits she thought it did. That’s an entire way of thinking she left behind.

And she also left behind her hobbies. She completely changed as a person. We know she had fantasy books, but we haven’t seen her read a fun book for recreation in the entire series. She likes to listen to music but we only saw her do it once and that was early on.

On top of it all, she hasn’t connected to elvin culture the same as everyone else. Because she can’t. She can’t view it like they do because of her connection to the human world. She lost 11 years of her life in a single day. And Sophie was connected to that old life, and she was forced to leave it behind. Yea she chose to, but she didn’t really have a choice.

So she’s still holding on to those old parts of her, but she’s always so wrapped up in chaos and fighting that she hasn’t had the chance to properly let her old life go. And until she can, that will always keep her from embracing elvin culture more fully.

However, even if she does move on, she won’t embrace it the same as everyone else, because she started out seeing it in a different light and that foundation cannot be changed. She loves her friends and the life she’s established, but she will never love it without influence from her past. That may be in sense of humor, human deserts, holidays, fashion sense, etc. But she will always have something that makes her experience of the elvin world different.