#nonsie

The Expanse is a book series by James S.A. Corey (pen name for Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck) that was also adapted into a six-season TV show!

I know adaptations get a bad rep, but this is one of the few in the world that is genuinely masterful. One of my favorites of all time and I mean that with my whole chest. I could watch it endlessly. I cannot recommend books or show enough--ideally both, actually.

Set in the future where humanity has spread throughout the solar system, we follow a group aboard the Canterbury, an ice-hauling ship. When the Cant picks up a distress signal, this group are the ones who are sent out to investigate.

Except, when they reach this signal, it turns out it was a fake, and the Cant is attacked and destroyed, leaving the survivors stranded and forcing them into the middle of a giant political clusterfuck--the bounds of which stretch so much further than they could imagine.

At the same time, detective Joe Miller has found himself trying to track down a girl who has mysteriously gone missing--the girl who owns the ship who sent the distress signal. And he is also in for so much more than he could've imagined.

It is and it isn't! It's book 10 of the Fae Guardian series, but the only book about dangerous crow boy and plastic girl.

In this world, there are 12 Guardians (3 wolf, 3 vampire, 3 elf, and 3 crow), and each of the guardians has their own book and fated human mate from the old world (the world pre-nuclear fallout and fae mutation).

I could yap about this for hours

YES!! YAP 2 ME!!

Of course all of the kotlcrew have experienced many horrors throughout the series, but in regards to the Neverseen I feel like book 1 Dex had a specific kind of vulnerability due to lack of knowledge. The kidnapping was the elven world's first blatant introduction to their violence, so nobody could prepare for it. Nobody even knew to be afraid.

Sophie and Dex were the first--and Sophie, for better and worse, had grown up surrounded by violence. If not normal, she was familiar with the concept of a kidnapping and understood them; she'd never fully bought into the peaceful world. Dex had (social violence is different--that he's quite experienced in).

They got the be the lesson to the elven world. Everyone else is safer now because they weren't.

GOD it's just such a desperate plea for reassurance. That very same evening they talked him down from violence, saying that this isn't who he is, they can't do this, Sophie telling him, "It'll ruin you, and...I don't want to lose you."

It'll ruin you. So Fitz backs off. But despite that, he ends up in the same position. And this time, he follows through. So here he is, those words fresh in his head, asking Sophie if he's ruined.

He almost can't put it to words he's so terrified of the answer. You can feel it, how badly he doesn't want to be, but he doesn't know, because he trusts Sophie more than he trusts himself and what if he was wrong?

He's begging for reassurance, for the only person who can to absolve him.

I want Tam angst, I really do, but how?

You can ALWAYS be honest in my ask box <3

I think there's many approaches you can take to Tam angst, it just depends on what kind of angst you personally like! While a lot of it boils down to being powerless, that can take a lot of different forms.

I'm personally partial to Tam angst related to the line in Flashback, "I don’t know. I just . . . I hated those shadows. I hated how cold they were. And how they didn’t listen to me. And I hate that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them since I felt them.” The idea of this consuming, obsessive power that he wants but hates that he wants. The fears surrounding what it would mean to listen to it, to reach for it, to learn to use it. How would it change you, and would it be for the better?

You can also go the social power route. Abandonment and lack of connection, and how even though he's part of a group now, he's still one of the most outside people within it. They're still scared of him, and don't understand him. You could also specifically lean into this post-Legacy where everyone's walking on ice around him. He's changed on a fundamental level outside of his control and no one knows what to do with it.

Of course nightmares are a classic, too. I loveee writing nightmares as an expression of cycles and hauntings and the things you can't escape. Recurring memories you can't move past. Maybe it's when he was knocked out, maybe its when he woke up alone in a cave somewhere, maybe it's when they shackled him, the day they arrived at Exillium, they day they were banished, they days of Linh's floods, the day he first heard the shadows.

Then there's the obvious of Linh--since Tam has devoted himself to being her support, failing in that self-imposed duty is classic. Doesn't have to be as far as death, though certainly can be, but just her getting hurt, or being upset with something he did, and something between them splintering because of it is enough. Failure to be the solid surface against which she can brace herself on any front.

Before Shannon teaches them to walk or talk she teaches them to throw darts and sets up a board with every character's face in the entire series.

You're not tripping! Dira was my childhood nickname (short for my birthname), and so was used a lot when I was little. When I got to be 6-ish, I decided it was too close to Dora (see: I was a young hispanic girl named Dira) and I didn't want anyone using it anymore. So, no one used it again

Then, when I was 13, I changed my name to Quil because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I completely distanced myself from my birthname.

A few years went by, I learned gender and identity is more complex, and that you don't have to change your name. I didn't regret Quil--I think it suits me quite well--but I had actually quite liked my birthname, too. It didn't feel like me the same as Quil does, but I still missed it.

So I brought Dira back. Not as a main name, but as a nickname that's brought out on occasion. And that's still true. I did take it out of my bio, since it's a bit more of a personal name, and I didn't want random new people seeing quil/dira and thinking they were equal or using Dira without understanding what it means to me. But I haven't stopped using it.

Hi, Nonsie! Ty for your patience--I could've sworn I made a post about ages, but could not for the life of me find it. So I've recalculated everything for you!

These are the kotlcrew's ages to the best of my calculations as of the end of Stellarlune/start of Elysian:

Sophie: 15 and 8 months in elven years, 14 and 11 in human years

Biana: 14 and 10 months in ey, 14 and 1 in hy

Dex: 15 and 3 months ey, 14 and 6 hy

Keefe: 16 and 3 months ey, 15 and 6 hy

Fitz: 17 and 2 months ey, 16 and 5 hy

Tam and Linh: Estimated 16 ey. It's unspecified, but I'd hazard 16 and 4-6 months? Which makes them 15 and 7-9 months hy.

Wylie: Unspecified, but around 20-21 ey, unclear hy.

Rayni: She was one year below Wylie, so 19-20 ey, unclear hy.

Stina: As a Level 4, 14-15 ey, unclear hy.

Maruca: As a Level 4, 14-15 ey, unclear hy.

Marella: As a Level 4, 14-15 ey, unclear hy.

I have done mild rounding, so if some numbers seem fudged, that's why.

You will also note from this that, while we don't know specific birthdays, Dex and Keefe's are 1-2 weeks apart, and Fitz's is within a month of that.