#and class

I’m mad that my husband’s almost died twice in one month. That he hasn’t been home for three nights. That he might need outpatient treatment if his kidneys can’t fight this second infection off.

I’m mad and I want to hit something because there’s nothing I can do to help him except sit in the corner of his hospital room and crack jokes and try to be normal and pray that he doesn’t die.

I want a lawyer.

I want a monthlong vacation.

I think when I was minding my own business for the first ~two thirds of my life up to this point I enjoyed a certain kind of blindness to it, that I would have ascribed to indifference, but which I have come to realize was ignorance. It is not something I think one can understand until being placed into a position in life in which you know there are people who think you are above them -- whether you personally feel it so -- and in which you know there are people who think you are beneath them. Or perhaps more accurately, not to know these people exist, but actually to know them, to encounter them, and so on, and for them to treat you accordingly.

Where you were born, where you live, where you went to school, your accent, your career, your income, your social circles, but also your circles’ circles, where your parents were born, where your parents lived, their schooling, their accents, their careers, there income, these all weigh on you and imprison you, and you perhaps only feel them when you push against them