#and bitching

the realisation that (irl) i have literally no one aside the judgy twink hits hard when we’re fighting. i was thinking and if i had to name an emergency contact or smtn i would have no one to name. there’s 6months between my birthday and christmas so it would take half a year for my family to notice me gone, possibly even a year. it’s like holy shit when did i become this lonely…? and yeah without that idiot around it’s a fucking nightmare spent between awful jobs and nothingness. he was over the other night but only for the night, gone in the morning and im alone again. haven’t properly spoken to him in weeks now, for all i know he’s a pigment of my imagination.

yaknow ive decided beer doesn’t count as alcohol it won’t count. i won’t be able to fall asleep in these conditions otherwise like holy shit banging my head against the wall. besides attempting soberness absolutely has tanked my tolerance to an embarrassing level so even beer probs would work.