#ancestralvision

cosmos: what’s one thing you wish you could say to someone you are no longer friends with?hey dude thanks for saying sorry! you’re not forgiven though! and i hope you said sorry because you were actually repentant and not because you actually expected me to give you any grace. also your taste in music is fuckin whack dude. less angsty alternative to a different ex-friend: shit the turtle stage IS lit holy shit come play.

night light: who/what makes you feel safe?part of the reason i like the place i’m living in right now is how many people are crammed in it. it’s not a big house by any means, but there’s.. six people living here? maybe seven? more when you factor in other people’s significant others. i’m a really light sleeper and every sound wakes me up but i don’t really mind because i like hearing people. i like hearing muted conversation through the floorboards, someone’s movie a couple rooms over, footsteps to get water in the middle of the night. i don’t even know most of these people’s names but hearing their faint constant presence is something that means a lot to me.

11-11: what’s something you want, but feel like you will never have?like in light of recent problems i wanna say financial stability but that’s no fun so like………….. a vespa. holy shit i want a vespa so fucking bad but is it even a reasonable investment considering where i live?

full moon: what type of person do you hope to be?god alright that’s a big question. how do i sum that up without having to make a tl;dr to go with it, uhhh. alright. i want to be the kind of person who can give a little bit to anyone, anytime; anyone needing help on the street, buskers, people fundraising for a good cause, friends who have fallen on hard times. and one day when my friends have kids i want to be able to host the kids at my place so they can take a well deserved night off and become the hip honorary aunt with all the cool books and all the cool gadgets. i wanna be someone who young people can turn to when it seems like everyone else has forgotten what it’s like to be vulnerable or unheard or angry.ON THE FLIP SIDE i also wanna be someone kind of fears at first (so, so far so good). i want it to be known that i will take no disrespect, and that i will be loud in the face of injustice, and not just my own. i want people to remember to measure their words because of me. i also wanna be really good at punchin.

TIEPOLO: If you could have any mural on your ceiling, what would it look like?a richly coloured but muted floral scene (like this? ish?) with lots of big blooms. but also not JUST a floral. hidden bits of metal here, exposed circuitry there, a pair of glowing eyes. at first glance i'd want to be like "oh flowers, pretty" but *i* would know.. there's a robot in there

DELACROIX: Are you a romantic?guilty. i reject a lot of traditional romantic ideals though. love at first sight, the concept of a soulmate, marriage. even monogomy in general i'm kind of ehhhhhhhh about. BUT. i live for love, i'm a huge fuckin sap, there's just nothing but romantic goop in this chick

TITIAN: What is your favourite mythological story?like ffs you REALLY wanted me to answer this one hey? turns out second time’s a charm, you're welcome

a well-dressed guy was utterly smashed in our store today and getting more smashed as he brazenly carried and drank from a bottle of vodka he wasn’t belligerent exactly but he was loud and getting right in people’s faces. when i found him he was bellowing into the ear of a freaked out customer about politics manager came over and managed to separate him from the customer and kind of like gently guided him elsewhere to just like, chat and stall for time while someone called the non emergency line it was still loud, and the drunk guy tried to leave several times (which we REALLY could not allow bcs this guy was in danger of wandering straight into traffic, he was right fucked) but somehow manager convinced him to stay and got him to chill out so chill in fact that he passed out sitting in a chair FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF bcs the police took forever lmao

my manager got the dudes story out of him too – apparently he was an engineer of some sort and was doing really well, had plans to start something up in silicone valley or something, but got fired…. and then his wife left him, all in one swoop. he just wasn’t coping very well. :(

so really this wasn’t as interesting as most of the things that happen in this godforsaken bookstore. yesterday? a different manager got flashed. and later there was a guy in handcuffs facedown on the street surrounded by three squad cars. no one even shot up in our bathrooms today or tried to walk out of the store with eight hats stacked on their heads

shoutout … shoutout…….. followers!!.. auuughh!………………………….. doing a shoutout for all th– if you’re following it HOOOGHHHH

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

ah well to stop myself from being a downer i’m gonna omit family fights even some of those got REAL noteworthily nasty. fistfights. anyway. there was one time i started shit with this white woman at a convenience store because she was going off about how black men are all cheating scum and are here to steal white women out of good white relationships and i FLIPPED shit at her, it never got physical but we both screamed at each other while everyone around froze, and that was something. also one time in like the fourth grade this resident bully (who lived very close to me in this village community of ~900) and his main goonie came to “””hang out””” with me and my friend, but they started harassing my friend, like, physically, they actually threw her on the ground, and boi i fucking launched at him. little kid fists just absolutely pummeling the shit out of each other, 2 vs 2. i don’t really remember how it resolved tbh, and they never hit my face so while i had bruises from it all my parents had no clue anything happened. i know that afterwards he actually became my ally so i guess i did well enough?

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

i feel like i’ve talked about a specific moment here before but i can’t find it for some reason. have a different one i guess. one time i was angrily stomping through a snowy night with two friends as we headed back towards my house, LOUDLY complaining about the boy i was pining for, because we had had a series of extremely cruel almosts that was making my lose my whole mind, and out of NOwhere he rounded the corner we were passing and we all just like missed a step and faltered. there was no way he hadn’t heard me and i was about to disintegrate but he just kind of, very gracefully fell in step with us. walked with us and just hung out. we got to my place and i very awkwardly asked if he wanted to come inside too, since the weather was so bad, and he did. we all stayed up late, talking about garbage in a little heap of blankets, and we all fell asleep in a cuddle puddle. he held my hand and we smooched when everyone was passed out. god that’s actually still my ideal, i just want to cuddle in a heap of people and smooch.

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

mostly, i’m useless. i really rely on other people to help me out because i quickly just turn into a miserable lump and don’t actually do much myself. i do drink a LOT of tea and lemon water. also, hot sauce, in everything. mostly soup, sometimes also into hot lemon water, sometimes just on its own. pretty sure @arkbot once walked in on me pathetically draped over an armchair free pouring franks red hot into my throat.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

the lake. that small community i mentioned, where i lived for most of my childhood, was maybe five minutes (by little kid walking speed) from the lake. me and my friends spent a lot of time there just like, throwing rocks and feeding ducks and looking at fish. definitely tried to steal a canoe once that was at the docks. ooh, the docks. during the winter they were stacked in a bunch of VERY CLIMBABLE towers, so even when everything was frozen over we still went there because it was our castle. or to run around on the frozen lake and make forts. fell through the ice once, but i told you about that. in the same area was this like… marshy boardwalk thing, that freaked us all out because it was ~spooky~ and dark but we’d sometimes venture in to look for frogs when it was warm. oh this was also by the cemetery, which we liked to hang out in, for some reason, and was less spooky than the boardwalk.

lovebirds: at what point in a relationship would you make it ‘public’?huh, i guess that’s not something i’ve really worried about? also a lot of my relationships have like… had a bit of a whirlwind start where everything goes very fast and everything just falls together and there’s never really been much time for uncertainty about status. but i also like, don’t particularly care about status anymore? i wouldn’t want to be a secret but i also wouldn’t particularly care if we were dating and it was never widely announced or even called a “girlfriend”.

cupid: have you ever been set up? have you ever set anyone else up? how did it go?kind of the opposite actually? when i was ~17 i learned that some of my friends were actively dissuading people interested in me. it’s also REALLY not my thing and if someone ever set me up i would no-show on the poor bastard. i did set someone else up before though. it went really well! and then really very poorly when one said "i love you" way too quickly. uhhhh they were smitten for like a month though!blush: what could someone do this valentine’s to make you feel special?take pictures. god this is such a simple but a big thing for me. TAKE PICTURES. get us to dress up, we don’t even have to go anywhere spectacular, but dress up a little extra, do something interesting and engaging, and take photos of each other while the other is distracted. i’d absolutely love if my date busted out a pair of disposable cameras or something. OR BETTER YET, FILM FOR MY INSTAX AND/OR POLAROID. disposables are nice though because you can do silly shit like go over the lens with a marker for some dreamy colours, or scratch up the lens for softer images, or toss it in water for distortion, whatever. i would die if someone wanted to make sure that whatever happens, they had a memory of that day with me. it’s only ever me taking pictures of anything and if someone else did it without me having to prompt, and seemed eager to, i’d die, i would immediately die. doves: what’s the most romantic thing someone’s done for you?ah geez, i don't know? the people i've dated have tended to be not super romantic. sweet and thoughtful sure, but not *romantic* in the traditional sense, i guess? and there’s been romantic moments but a lot of were.. situational? accidental? i’m usually the sappy one. hm. okay. i guess this, from back in my hometown. one time after we’d both had a bad night with family,. a guy i’d been dating was sad and desperate to see me, and walked to my place. we did not live in the same communities. technically even the same town. he walked 17km (10.5 miles) in the dead of night, a three and a half hour walk, on the highway, to come see me. frankly, it was stupid as fuck. there are bears out there. BEARS and also COUGARS. but what is romance if not REEEEALLY goddamn stupid and kinda desperate?harp: have you ever written a poem for a crush?no, actually. i've definitely written little short story/drabble-ish things to help explore emotions, unknot on paper what internal garble needed to be said, that kind of thing. i suppose a lot of my personal writing is just a glorified, third-person version of me talking to myself.