#ananecdote

I never told you this, the joy your arrival brought to me was accompanied by the fear of your leaving. Or maybe I did. Remember how in the beginning of our relationship you said we’ll go for a long trip. Days passed my joy of your arrival and fear of you leaving were all gone and what was left was the peace and trust that you are always gonna be with me. Always!

They say , Even in the 100s of incomplete stories remains an exemption. That’s what we had. But life, Life often proves it’s controlling powers when we least expect it. In the beginning we worked pretty well with our long distance relationship but then you started lying to me. And you started giving excuses all the time literally every time. I don’t even recall how I felt at that moment because I didn’t feel anything at all. I went numb. Tears rolling down my cheeks, I felt so numb that I couldn’t even muster the energy to wipe my tears.

I remember this that we didn’t break up that day. Even after knowing every single truth I never told you a thing I behaved like nothing happened to keep this going. But don’t I really have the right to know the truth. Yes, I did, but you kept it all from me acting good. Why were you doing this? People when they don’t get answers to their queries, they tend to make their own answers. And my question was ‘Why it wasn’t happening between us even though to the viewers it was?’

And my brain answered. It’s you , Its just you . It’s your personality your sensitive nature, Its everything- so overall it’s just you.

I used to wake up everyday that you’ll want to sort this out and not let this end this way. But nothing such happened. And instead every night I came up with a new flaw within myself. I talked to a person who gave me a clear vision- my SELF RESPECT. And finally after crying and making my mind I let you go. Hope you remember that night I called you and ended it then and there. I was deeply hurt and wanted you so badly, but now I can’t choose pain over pleasure any more and also my SELF-RESPECT has more value.

We humans often become so needy for love and care that we put our SELF RESPECT on stake. Which is wrong. It’s fine to make compromises in love, to bend down but not to lowering down our esteem in our own eyes. Because when it happens, We tend to position our better half as a superior. And when a relationship has a superior and an inferior then it exists for the sake of it and not for living every bit of it. 

So I let you go for myself and my SELF RESPECT. 

And yet it wasn’t me and my personality or my sensitive nature or anything about me. It was just YOU. Who was not ready for the love you triggered and I gave. It was just you.