#analysis by len

sugar pop!!! this entire rant is LEGIT SO FUCKING ON POINT!!! truly ✨sexy as fuck✨ and i LOVE IT!!!

ok so first off THIS POST by @eyra is just amazing and that angel is so much more eloquent and so much smarter and more precise than I could ever be so if you have not read that, plz do so immediately!!

but off to give my too sense khdujfdykhfjjgh

I think you were specifically talking about my tags about how I was just indifferent about ATYD and then began actively disliking it because of the fucking TikTok feed! Like literally, folks began using ATYD as a replacement in tags for like marauders and shit, and that was INSANE to me!! And like this is absolutely no hate to the author because I’m sure they are lovely, and they should obviously be so fucking proud of what they wrote and how huge it is, but JFC I hate it when folks find one FIC to latch onto and pretend this is the end all be all for FICs written for marauders era, this was way before my time, but I’ve been told countless times over that this was basically what happened when The Shoebox Project came out, and it’s just maddening to me!! Like ppl taking characterizations from a specific FIC and pretending this is the holy grail, only valid thing??? Like fuck off, no! And it’s also pretty obvious, and I’m sure the author wouldn’t be insulted by this, but ATYD feels very inspired by the movie versions of the marauders we got, and I just simply don’t vibe with those sort of personifications rip.

But this expounds further, like you highlighted in your ask.

TIKTOK COMMENTARY IS SO FUCKING BLACK AND WHITE AND IT MAKES ME INSANE!!!! It feels so ingenuous and phony, and like so many of these folks are in some sort of “woke olympics” or some shit. And listen, this has nothing to do with fucking representation so don’t bring that into my inbox. I’m literally a neurodivergent, pansexual, brown girl— Trust and believe I love all different representation e get and absolutely crave it to a tee. The problem comes when folks begin vilifying others for “problematic” things they write, as if topics like such haven’t been written FOR CENTURIES! and haven’t been explored countless times in traditional media, so yes, Fanfic can both be a valid form of media while also being just a way for some people to get out some practice or whatever the fuck else. Also you don’t know what the fuck trauma people have been through, and I know if I wrote about my experiences, I absolutely will not be validating them by giving you guys my sorted history or what the fuck else, that shit is for me and my future therapist lmfao.

I think we all have no gos, and I think we all know the large ones that I personally am thinking of, so I won’t name them here, but like I’m not going to go into someones comments section or their Tumblr inbox and yell at them for it, hell, I probably won’t even subtweet about it unless it’s mad vague, I keep that shit in the DMs, like a fucking decent human being— and this does not include a server of 100s of folks, becs that’s still shitty, and I know as a Admin for my own server, I’ve had to scold folks for shit talking certain FICs in RWRB and told them to keep it in the DMs, even if I agree completely with what they’re saying. 

However, I’ll include the caveat that it’s really, really important to listen to people in those actual communities, like queer folk or people of color, who find portrayals problematic. Like they absolutely do not owe it to us to speak their minds, but when they do, we HAVE TO LISTEN. But I’m going on a tangent, I think my main point here is that…

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!! 

That’s the flat out truth, and if shit like toxic relationships or sexual writings, or whatever the fuck else isn’t your cup of  tea, yuh mood. Hell, we probably agree, but why are you out here making a TikTok scolding this characterization or trope or whatever??? As if a majority of us aren’t above 18 and like writing and reading about sex BECAUSE THAT’S A PART OF ADULT LIFE— unless of course you are on the Ace spectrum, then you of course are completely valid for not caring for it.

Just, listen . AO3 is miraculous for a lot of things, but their tagging system is absolutely fucking incredible. Folks are out there giving their entire triggers list in the tags, and in the rating, and if not, I will bet my bottom dollar that they talk about it in the Notes section before the FIC, so it’s on you to fucking read it and understand what your getting into. The only responsibility a writer has is to warn you in those sections, LEGIT THAT’S ALL THEY HAVE TO DO!! And like listen, when I was a wee ten year old trying to read FIC, I was stuck with fucking FF net and read shit I definitely shouldn’t have been reading becs I wasn’t lucky enough to have AO3 and all of the ways it protects and warns minors. 

Okay, I’m not sure where exactly I’m going with this, but this was a good way to let off some steam tbh lakfsdjlkgjaeoighklsdg so thank you Nonny!!!

in responce to THIS FIC

 Oh God Nonny! I don’t deserve this abuse!!! This aching! But yes this is like my guilty pleasure FIC idea to write! I have so much to talk about for this AU!!

Like first of all, yes I completely agree that Lily never suspected Remus, I literally feel that with my entire chest!!  However, I don’t think his lycanthropy was the sole reason that allowed Peter to finagle his way into turning the tides and making James and Sirius suspicious of him. It had to do with his secrecy and all that as well, but his identity as a werewolf was definitely a huge part!!! No argument!

Like I need to stress that I don’t think James or Sirius ever fully thought that Remus was the spy, but the suspicion was enough to poison their bonds and enough to make them isolate Remus from their actual plans, and that’s almost just as bad to me.

And I know there are a bunch of R/S shippers who are going to hate this take, but it’s simply flat out true. The suspicion was awful and disgusting of them— I’ve experienced things like this simply being a brown female, like being told that my white boss at the clinic I was volunteering at thought I looked “intimidating” while I was laughing and chatting with my coworker who just so happened to be a black female with braids. Even though every patient who came up to me was saying it was “so nice to have a pleasant, smiling face in the front” which was also weird but lol life of a girl I guess XD And I experienced it with folks who I considered close friends who claimed things like I only got into their top university’s because of my skin color lol.

micro aggressions are real and painful and they can pop up even with your closest friends who are part of a privileged group of people. And they can snowball into really awful situations.

Taking this into the HP world, and the fact they were a bunch of teens and early somethings fighting a war, these stereotypes can so easily implode into something sickening. And Werewolves in this setting were displaced and ridiculed and discriminated against through the entirety of the series. So yes, of course a couple of pure bloods like Sirius and James, who were probably brought up with these lessons (even if they didn’t believe it themselves) would’ve been swayed by this. These ideas can always soak in and they can color their thoughts implicitly, if not purposefully. It’s simply the fact of institutionalized  discrimination that’s embedded into all folks who are not part of that minority group.

So yes, it makes me so mad— even though I’ve done it in one of my own one shots— when these kind of AUs have Remus forgiving Sirius and James almost immediately.

Like I understand he has a differential instinct, but it’s not enough for him to merely forget about it so quickly. I don’t think he could’ve ever forgotten. And I think it’s a pregnant weight that’s going to color his conversations and interactions with them for years to come. 

And I do always believe in Wolfstar endgame, and I love to pieces the bromance between James and Remus, but it’s going to take a lot of healing to have them back to how they were in Hogwarts IMHO, and Lily is definitely a bridge between them who’s trying to get James and Sirius to give him the proper space, and for Remus to not keep everything bottled up.

However, I do think that Remus realizing that Lily and James nearly died with Harry would play a huge part in speeding up the forgiveness process, and I don’t think that innate tugging towards Sirius will ever go away. 

All right I’m stepping off my soap box, but yes Nonny I nearly completely agree with you ioadmoakjireogjf and now I wanna write a sad but hopeful FIC all about this!!!

😩😩😭

Nonny baby!!! I can’t believe you are throwing this line in my face😭 

Ok so I just want to throw in the caveat that literally in everything and anything I have ever written, Wolfstar are soulmates! And obsessed with one another and so in love that honestly it’s downright disgusting!!!! Sickening!!! Absolutely revolting if I’m being at all honest lksdhgalskdfjasoidghlkfjasdgh 

Ok but in this particular one shot, it was based off a super sad song obviously, and I think in this AU their relationship is more chaotic and just not super healthy over all. I wrote Remus as even more reserved and autonomous as usual, in the fact that he kind of views everything in his life as being built  on a flood plane. He doesn’t think anything good in his life is deserved because he thinks of himself as more of a monster and that he ultimately just ruins anything good, and he views Sirius as the best thing, so he obviously thinks that he’s gonna absolutely ravage all the wonderfulness  that makes him up. So he doesn’t confide to Sirius all the nasty things he feels about himself, aka *He doesn’t tell him that he doesn’t think he’s ever ben there’s in the first place, doesn’t think he’s ever been here or anywhere. He doesn’t tell him that sometimes it feels like he’s some faded sepia photograph come to life in the form of his too skinny body and too large eyes and too gangly limbs* and the line * He’d never watch himself turn Sirius into  a  burnt shell of anything bright and fluttering and lively that ever existed in the spaces of his ribs and the valleys of his chest.* 

All this to say that I think Remus’s secret missions to the packs deployed by Dumbledore combined with his resistance to actually speak out loud anything that’s really harming him, is what makes Sirius go absolutely fucked up with emotions and feeling almost abandoned and sorta betrayed. So I think there are plenty of arguments and furious silences between them— Ones that make Remus kind of dig further into himself and Sirius feeling a clawing need to act and do something because that’s one of the main attributes that juxtaposes against them.  How they react to feeling hurt by someone they love.

So I kind of implied that on one night when Remus is being sent to another camp where he’s going through hell he’d never speak out loud, Sirius is left alone without even an idea where he is or who he’s seeing or what he’s doing or even when he’d be back. So I can definitely see him going to a club one night, and spotting a Muggle bloke that looks like Remus in certain lights and kind of just trying to find some solace and ignoring the voices in his head that are whispering that Remus might be the trader. So it only ever happens that one time, but it absolutely kills Sirius on the inside, makes him feel like the most disgusting piece of shit because how could he betray the only thing he’s ever held in his life with such reverence and such an aching love that he feels it to his core.

And I’m not sure how Remus found out, whether it’s like he brought the bloke home and maybe a nosey neighbor makes some sort of snide remark or maybe it was at the club Remus bartended at the year before because a part of Sirius was expecting to see Remus there with someone else or wanted to get caught and knew that Remus’s old boss would tell him because he always held a bit of a thing for him and didn’t care for Sirius at all. Or maybe it’s just that Remus noticed how attentive and needy Sirius became afterwards and just put the pieces together.

But like what I said before, it was only ever that one time and Sirius hated himself and Remus never brought it up until the night he left because he kind of always expected it to happen eventually— for Sirius to realize how he’s just a patchwork of insecurities and secrets and how Sirius should never have stayed around in the first place.

Okay this hurt to explain and hurt to write in the first place and I’m sorry if it doesn’t make any sense at all and I need fluffy things😭