#an utter fool

lately I’m trying to write everything out of my head. I miss the warmth, the green of summer, how the anvil of heat rinses my brain clean. I miss the sunlight, the broad band of gold consuming the day end to end, when night is only the shadow of a passing wing. and now when there is too much night, I keep finding myself dreaming during the day, imagining myself mostly anywhere other than here, moored in this too-quiet life of exhaustion, mundanity. imagining myself anywhere else, preferably with you. melting somewhere under a strange sun, the sea salting our shoulders white, my freckles shining from my face like joy itself. I remember the color you wear outside winter - radiant, burnished, tinged with all the electricity of life. how warm you became on early afternoons, gazing quietly after some book or another, stretched out beside me, the way we used to lie beside your apartment pool. birds shifting overhead, balletic, keeping their portents to themselves. the shape of your long fingers, turning the pages. that little furrow, riding just above your sunglasses, the herald of concentration. and when I shift to touch you, how your skin kindles where my hands move, as if lit from within. how you always are to me - lit from within. what wouldn’t I give to run away with you? anywhere, anywhere. nights spent twined, two threads of life woven loosely, softly together. my head on your chest in an ocean of quiet, cresting, sinking, with the tide of your breath. my hair spilling softly across your shoulders, moonlight. there is no need to say much of anything - just to be with you, our bodies still warm from the sea. just to be with you, in a dream.

Since I am one again on my bullshit I just say Peter B. Parker/Wade Wilson really is the absolute best version of the ship. Like especially since Peter 🅱️eter is supposed to be the progression of 616!Peter that means those two idiots have been genuine friends for a decade! They've probably been through so much shit together! They're both divorced middle aged men doing their best like! Hell yeah babey!!!!