Wednesday & Thursday, April 13-14, 2016
Wednesday
was pretty meh, went to work and in the afternoon went to play the first football game of my job tournament where we play against other tribunals and courts, our goalie didnt come i ended up playing goalkeeper, i felt i performed so so, lost in penalties which makes me look a little bit worse but whatever, had some beers pretty laid back, i was about to go to bed pretty angry at CE for basically ignoring me the whole day, she answered like at 1 am and i just blew up via fb chat, but she as we mexicans say “flipped the tortilla on me” she said she was sorry and how bad and confused she was feeling and how she was crying, well...i really couldnt take that so i got out of bed and drove over to the coffee place where she was crying and feeling sad and drove her to her house, we talked a bit, she mentioned how her ex was talking shit to her and how he was bitching about her talking and going out with me, i’d like to kick his ass but i know that would only set me back even more with her, it was a pretty good talk i think shes opening up a bit or trying to at least...
Thursday...
.work, got off played some streetfighter V i think...i’m getting better? i dont know i picked up my computer my video card freaking best part of the computer and most expensive is apparently fucked....which has me pretty down i need to save up for a new one, played some league of legends i felt super clunky don’t know if the settings are maybe off? at around 10 i went with ONS and some of his med friends for some beers and at 12 i picked up CE, we drove around and went to a beer garden it was alright we parked outside my place and started making out a bit, but she freaked out all of a sudden and started talking about how she didnt like making out and i shouldnt pressure her, which i feel i totally wasnt we were kissing and i was grabbing her tit i wasnt even trying to get freaky or anything she lets me do that any time i want and has verbally said shes ok with it....just not anything more...which wasnt even happening but i respect her so i backed completely off, and she goes off about how shes no good for me and i should just look elsewhere and how she doesnt even trust in me....i mean FUCK...here we have a clear situation why i find it so hard to try to be an authentically good guy because people just cant believe i’m that good, it’s a decision damnit thats how i manage to be such a dick when i’m single and so nice it’s apparently unbelievable when i actually want something serious with someone so in my drunkness i actually showed how bothered and sad i was about this and i think she felt sorry about what she said but that doesnt actually change her mindset which in my opinion still is on the defensive and not actually letting me gain any ground. i got tired of talking and we kissed a little and i left she texted me saying how she was incredibly attracted to me but was unsure about her feelings...which if i was trying to fuck her would be PERFECT.....BUT! i want feelings damnit! i’m always looking for attraction and not feelings and now i’m getting the wrong end of it...
