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This day isn’t the best day this week or since classes started, I had lots of hurtful things to say which happened in less than 12 hours.
First thing on my list, I'm not good at english but using it makes this post more dramatically. So please, let me. I've gone through this problem a lot. It happened to me not just once nor twice and I'm sick with it. Repeatedly told by your special people that you're fat is tiring . They use it against me for what? I don't know. It's like they keep telling me as I'm fat as it is some kind of hobby. What worse is they are my family whom I should respect. But these insults coming from their mouths make my respect for them become narrow each time. I hate how they make me feel so small and down at the same just because I'm fat & ugly . Do they accept me for who I am? I think no. I'm a black sheep. I'm different from them – from my appearance up to my strong personality. I feel so small every time I'm in our house. I can't find peace whenever they keep praising my sister for being beautiful. I hate how they give her too much attention on how she's eager to lost weight, or desperate I'm must say . I hate how I'm being ignored while she accepts those sweet words. I'm being criticized while she is praised. But I love my sister, I love her but I'am not agreeing with too much love that was given to her. Too much for my liking Am I insecure? Kinda. But despite of all these painful thoughts in my mind, I know I find happiness somewhere, not in this house. I know I'm beautiful. Regardless of these fat critics being thrown on me, I know I'm beautiful. I accept my body. Really. I'am not that fat kid who desperately wants to be skinny in less than 2 months or so. I'am not like that. I like it. Am I insecure with one's body? No. Actually no. I'am more insecured with one's personality, not body. I'am happy. I actually don't know the right words but one thing, I accept what my appearance is and people should too. Regarding my insecurities about not having fair attetion treatment, I have solution on that and I found it through my other family – my friends. I'm really grateful. I think this is the reason why I'm excited to go to school or just by accessing my social accounts, I feel loved and I like it. Don't get me wrong, people here in our house loves me too! But the love I am receiving from my other family makes it easier for me to accept because I'm more confident to show what and who I'am. I love them. Just one thing before I go off: Don't change just because people doesn't accept you or don't change for someone will love you. That's pathetic. I hope people would accept me just like how I accept myself. And this should be my first and last dramatic post or else my acc would be an emo.
