#americanpsycho2

Happy Birthday William 🥳🎂🎈🎁🎉

March 22,1931

Buon Compleanno 🥳🎂🎈🎁🎉

If I had to describe American Psycho II: All American Girl in just two words. I’d choose “A mistake”, or “ill-conceived”. One glance at the cover, and you just know this is going to suck.

Rachael Newman (Mila Kunis), is determined to do whatever it takes to become an FBI agent that tracks serial killers. When she realizes her top grades aren't enough to become Professor Starkman’s teaching assistant (William Shatner plays the professor) her determination pushes her towards murder.

You're wondering where Patrick Bateman comes in. He briefly "appears" in a flashback. See, Bateman was a serial killer and he murdered Rachael's babysitter when she was 12. Yup. Forget the ambiguity of that first film’s ending; this is for real! As you might suspect, American Psycho 2 began as some random script that was tweaked to make it a sequel to the Mary Harron 2000 film. A quick photo of a lousy look-alike wearing sunglasses, one line halfway through, another right at the end, and BAM! You’ve got yourself a built-in audience of suckers.

This cinematic con doesn’t match the tone of the first picture, none of the actors return, the stories have nothing in common. Can it at least stand on its own?

The worst thing about American Psycho 2 is the murders. I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I’m fairly confident that in a tussle, I could take Mila Kunis. Except in this film. As a college student, she gains the upper body strength to string up dead bodies in elaborate cover-ups (elaborate, not convincing), or strangle a man twice her size with a condom (is that even possible?). She’s even powerful enough to smash a human skull! How is it possible? Through the magic of off-screen action. If your movie can't be good, at least be sleazy. Show us SOMETHING. Is a shot of Mila Kunis in her underwear gleefully chuckling over pools of blood too much to ask? How about some decent-looking murders? Or gore?

This is a dismal, predictable plot whose terrible dialogue renders all of the actors helpless. Shatner has never been particularly strong but he deserves better than this quickly-filmed, Swiss cheese of a plot in which murders leave the police completely bamboozled, even when the bodies are found in public places.

With all of the contrivances and idiotic mistaken identities, you're wondering if it ever becomes "so bad it’s good". No. Never. This movie is dull, dull, dull, and made worse with Kunis’ persistent narration throughout. It does have a single scene so terrible it’s hilarious and deserves to be seen, but even then, this never even raises itself to the level of 976-EVIL 2 - a bad horror movie with only one noteworthy moment that manages to elevate the whole thing into “watchable” territory. I can’t give it away, but it involves a confrontation between Rachael and Professor Starkman.

It all leads to a conclusion that doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure you’ve seen movies where the supercop has managed to take down the bad guy and save the girl at the expense of the city. When it’s a good movie, you cheer. When the movie is awful, all you can think about is what the next day's newspaper headline would be. The final, "chilling" freeze-frame would be undone instantly by any half-brained officer and a quick look at a body.

Whether you love or hate Mila Kunis, William Shatner or any of the supporting cast (which I hope went on to bigger and better things) don’t even consider this thriller. You could use American Psycho 2 as a team-building exercise. You all suffer through a miserable ordeal together and come out a stronger unit. It's also a perfect example of how unscrupulous the straight-to-DVD market can be. (On DVD, October 30, 2015)