#amathel

She could just barely clasp her hands around her mouth in time to stop herself from screaming and waking the ellon next to her. By the Valar.. what time was it even? The sun hadn’t shown itself across the horizon yet and she could hear no birds chirping as the warrior elleth let herself slide out of the bed she shared with her fiancé, sitting there for a moment before getting up. Amathel hated these dreams. These horrid dreams in which every possible thing that could go wrong on a wedding day went disastrously wrong- wrong clothes, or falling in her high heels that she couldn’t walk on- or even worse and more recently occurring in her dreams: that she was watching him marry someone completely else. That one didn’t even make any sense, Lagoron was the most loyal ellon she had ever met in her life- and yet that particular version of this nightmare haunted her most. She hadn’t even realized she had wandered into the gardens of Imladris when she sat down and hid her face in her hands, unable to stop the tears from pouring as fear and anxiety rampaged in her heart- She felt like she was going crazy over this. But she couldn’t delay this wedding once more, Amathel knew within her heart that while Lagoron was a mellow person… it would make anyone doubt their partner if she delayed this wedding again for the fourth time just because she kept freaking out over it. “Amathel?” The voice sounded from so far away that it took her a bit to reply, looking up to look straight in the soft, dark blue eyes of her brother in law.. the husband of her eldest sister. Eredhon. He tilted his head, quietly sitting beside her on the bench. “Hey, what’s the matter?” “I can’t do this, Eredhon! I can’t go through with this wedding when I keep having these horrendous nightmares- I just can’t! It’ll be an utter disaster!” “Hey, wow, come on now.” He hushed, wrapping an arm around the younger elleth’s shoulders and lightly pulling her into an embrace. “Talk to me. What happens in these nightmares that have gotten you in such despair?” he asked, gently rubbing her arm to soothe her as she buried her face in his shoulder “Everything! Everything from me breaking my neck because of some faulty shoe or dress I can’t move in to him cheating on me or marrying some total stranger and even without those nightmares this whole situation is freaking me out because so many people put so much pressure on me being his wife and not being a good enough wife and needing to have what they see as a perfect wedding night and just thinking about it makes me want to toss myself off a waterfall especially with my mom practically demanding I give her grandkids like immediately and I just- I just can’t- I’m so scared! And everyone keeps telling me that it’s his feelings I should mind and that I need to do this all for him but no one is taking into consideration that it’s my wedding too and I’m beginning to get fucking terrified of even getting married!” Amathel ranted, tears pouring down again as she worked herself in a frenzy while her brother in law wrapped both his arms around her. “Hey, hey. Sssh, you’re getting yourself all worked up. Am, listen to me.” Eredhon spoke softly, gently rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her. “It’s okay to be scared. I know how stressful the wedding day can be, and how social expectation can really bother you- I suppose that with both of you being in the royal guard the expectations are even worse. But Lagoron loves you, Amathel. That is all that matters on a day like that. He loves you, and you love him.” He said, continuing the motion of rubbing her back as he looked up at the stars above. How was he going to explain this to her? “Look, I know Lagoron by now… In fact I’d wager he is the easiest type of person to figure out and get to know. And what I know most of all is that he won’t talk or force you into anything you’re not comfortable with. If you don’t want to have a wedding night as socially expected, I guarantee he won’t even bat an eye at it... But you haven’t really told him any of this, have you? All that scares you about this day, have you ever even discussed it with him?” “… No. I’m scared what he will say- I’m supposed to be strong, Eredhon.” “And he’s supposed to help you be strong. Am, you’re getting married. It takes two for a marriage. Let him in, let him help you- nobody expects you to deal with your worries all on your own.” She sighed, hiding her face in his shoulder once more- but Eredhon had a point. She had kept Lagoron out of her issues for far too long, when really she should have let him in- why was that so hard lately? Amathel frowned, thinking of the time before her engagement. It had seemed so easy back then to share her insecurities and worries with her, so why was it so difficult now. “… I suppose I should… I should get back, anyway. I don’t think it’ll go over well with his instincts as a guard if I suddenly vanish from the bed. But.. what are you doing here at this time, anyway?” “I come here for stargazing when I can’t sleep.. thought taking care of my sister in law is a nice deviation too.” Eredhon said with a smile, ruffling her hair. “Go back to him. Everything will be fine, Amathel.” “Thanks..”

Amathel quietly walked back through the hallways to her shared room with her fiancé- nearly crashing into him as she tried to enter and he tried to leave their room simultaneously, and when he immediately pulled her into an embrace… only then did she realise how cold it had been compared to the warmth of his body. She wrapped her arms around him, taking in his scent as she let out a soft sigh. “Am, I was so worried! I woke up and you were nowhere to be found, I- Hey..” Lagoron said softly, gently stroking her dark hair as he saw how her shoulders shook- Was she crying? He couldn’t recall the last time he had seen her cry. “Meleth..” he whispered softly, guiding her to the bed and sitting down upon it as he pulled her back into his arms, cradling her head against his chest protectively. “What’s wrong, my love?” he asked, lightly kissing the top of her head. “L-Lagoron.. w-we need to talk, meleth nin… please, I-“ “About what?” “About our wedding day… and how scared I am..”