#am02

Until right before sunrise

I have a conversation with the moon

Tears and laughs

She cradles my cheek

By the end of the night

The moon has smiled

And I can tell

It has fallen for the boy from my dreams

I want to apologize

Soon she’ll realize

The sun will rise

And reality sets in

I whisper into the sky

While she sighs and struggles to breathe

Choking on every word

I only say to her

And oh how the stars will beg

For me to keep talking about you

Because even they can’t help but fall in love

With the way I see you

I have filled each dark night

With tales of the light in your eyes

The personal sunshine latched onto you

Can’t you see?

There was no magic secret to staying a child forever

Here I was at 22

Still mentally stuck at 12

Grasping at a youth

That passed before I could settle

And all I can do is age

While the child inside me

He began to take up spaces inside of me

And before I knew it

I wasn’t me anymore

Suddenly I was this person I didn’t recognize

Someone who burned people and buildings to the ground

As if they held the same value

Creating chaos

Where I once fought for peace

Who tore out the hearts of people I loved

He said all I needed was him

No

This person was drowning from within

There’s a monster

Where her heart used to be

Resembling misery

The eyes look familiar

of every terrible thing

my parents hate about themselves

how do i ask them to still love me?

she appeared like an old friend

though looking slightly different

there’s a scar on her right cheek

a heavy dim in the eyes

hair bright and wild

still familiar thankfully

I look forward to her visit each year

the excitement of summer

warm, distant memories

new responsibilities

it will never be how we used to

I don’t know what it is

Or when I did it

And I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me

Repenting at an unknown altar

When I was 7

My grandpa told me about Heaven

How every good deed earned us a step closer

But, papa, I feel as though I climbed out of hell

And now the angels don’t want me

I’ll keep piling up the good

Eating the guilt