#always evolving

So I have decided that I am done with me constantly sabotaging my life and ruining my chance of being a better person. I'm putting an end to it all. InshaAllah.

One problem with me and something that usually stops me from actual change is that I wait for things to be perfect (right this second I'm waiting to write this post until I actually start *cries*) I'm always like, I'll wake up early and start tomorrow, a fresh start, yes but I need to get a coffee first, no but let me put on a cute outfit and do my makeup and it goes on and on and on...

Spoiler alert, I never actually manage to get anything done. This time I'm going to actually put an effort and try my best to leave my perfectionism behind, because quite frankly, it's ruining my life.

I can't really say I've been in a rot because a rot doesn't last for more than a year, right?? Right?? But for the past year and a half I've been someone I'm not proud of, someone I never thought I'd be. Before then, I had worked so hard on myself and I was slowly but surely becoming the best version of myself only to wash all the work I've done down the drain this past year and it really really hurts.

The reason I'm writing this here and not on my journal is because I really want someone to read this, even if it was just one person who doesn't even care about me, because I don't have anyone I can say this to. I desperately need help, but I can't ask anyone's help. So I'm putting this here for the whole world to see. I'm going to be updating this hopefully everyday to have some accountability in my life.

My General Goals :

Pray 5× times a day on time

Pray missed prayers + tahajjud

Ace my exams in Dec (this entails studying for 6+ hours every single day)

Use my benzoyl paroxide wash every morning and night

Write my daily affirmations in my journal.

*this wasn't as coherent as I would like it to be but as I've said, I'm leaving perfectionism behind me so here goes nothing....

still struggling,

still growing…