#alter raphie

- D?

I gotchu! Always Big Brother Mars at your service! ❤️

You're enough. Things don't have to be going well or lining up just so for you to be enough. And maybe to some people you aren't perfect, but you're somebody's perfect, and you're always enough. Just keep trying, okay? I'm rooting you on.

-Raphie/Mars/Agni [He/She]

- Digi

Thanks! i like it a lot

-Raphie [He/She]

"Agni" keeps making me think of Anna and Elsa's dad, Agnarr XD I'm trying not to equate it to that, because Agni is just plain a cool name, but oh well. I had no idea it had any Japanese roots, that's cool!

- Digi

Right?

When Raphie decided he wanted a new name, she had us looking through "red" and "fire" themed names. She ended up really liking Mars, and after a little while of contemplating it decided to also try Agni. I like it, I think it suits him surprisingly well.

-Lizzy [Any]

Exactly! I like Mars best, though, it feels nice to say

But I do need advice.

What's the best way to make amends to your main gatekeeper when they're rightfully angry at you because you outed the system to your mom by "accident" through a soul talk? (1. Our mom is a person we collectively agreed we can't get too attached to yet, not until we been in therapy for a while. Littles are the only exceptions, especially those who see her as mom. 2. It wasn't by accident, It became too heavy of a secret to carry. 3. We also collectively agreed to not have any soul talks with anyone irl, especially not anyone from our family)

I think I screwed up ;-;

- Digi

Ooooh, yikes, that's a tough one

I wish I had perfect advice, or at least something experience-wise to relate, but I don't know that I do...

I think it depends on a lot of stuff, too, like why you've (collectively) chosen not to have deeper talks with family, what that distrust with the family is about, what your relationship with your mom is like...

If she took it well I'd probably say your best bet is to apologize but stand by the decision to have told her, and work on not bending those rules again. If it helps you to have someone in real life know, I think that's objectively good, but if it's with someone most of your system doesn't trust, the real issue probably lies more internally.

For them it's a decision you made about them without their consent, so it's understandably frustrating. It'd be like if my friend decided to tell my mom about a secret I entrusted only to them, and that can mean a lot of different things depending on the relationship I have with that friend, starting, not least of which, with questions about whether I can trust them anymore.

I don't want to speak for anyone, but in trying to imagine what it feels like from every perspective, I imagine your gatekeeper is probably afraid and feeling a little betrayed underneath the anger, because it's not just a matter of rules being broken but of keeping everyone safe. Throwing in that big of an unknown variable can send everything into a panic.

For my system at least, and I acknowledge this is a very different situation, I'm not trusted to explore very deeply in the inner world in part because the system doesn't know how I'll react to what I find, or whether that'll spur me to explore further into areas that are dangerous for me to be exposed to- which in turn puts others in the system at risk. It becomes a massive source of disregulation and uncertainty, and the mental draw in trying to correct for that and adjust to it takes physical energy, which only further compromises everyone's safety, including my own. (Raphie pitched in for the explanation, I kinda lost it at the end, just so you know)

Ultimately I can't really offer a perfect solution, but I do think, personally, that while it may take a while to work things out it'd probably be worth your time to talk to your gatekeeper some more one on one. Understand and express your understanding of why it's important to have stuck to the system wide decision not to share its existence with family or to have soul talks with anyone irl, try to get an understanding of their perspective, try to get an understanding of why you did what you did. I think having an explanation for that is good, so long as you can accept that even if it's a good reason, it may not be a good excuse.

Similar to what I'm trying to do with my system, I think trying to understand their boundaries and the reasons for them, and trying to be honest about your own boundaries and needs, will help you to understand each other and begin to work through any mistrust that may be there from mistakes or decisions not everyone agreed with.

And for clarification, you don't have to tell me about any of this, not at all. I'm happy to hear it if you want to (also we both have blogs for DMs now, if you wanted to chat privately), but I also will respect if you're gonna keep that all quiet. Family stuff, system stuff, personal needs and internal communications, among other things, are things you always have a right to keep private.

-Lizzy/Raphie

Sorry, this is kinda unsolicited but as a gatekeeper I want you to know we care about ya. sometimes you make a decision in the heat of the momet because you need to not feel alone or out of control. as our systems gatekeeper I care a lot about Lizzy and the littles and all the copers and beyond. gatekeepers are protectors of their own kind because they're trying to protect everybody's mind and the body. idk what your gatekeeprs are like but I hope you're able to fix things up with them a bit. i'd bet that they just want to keep you safe.

- Digi

Oh that is cool as shit

We just walk around like normal people 😅