#alt max

I won’t do this

I can’t

I don’t want to

There’s no absolution to be gained

for my sin

by sweeping its victim

under the rug

It crushes me to know

that you wanted crumbs from my table

to be your last supper

I don’t know

what happened yesterday

A switch was flipped

in my brain

(or in my soul?)

and I became

a better version of myself

for a day

She’s gone now

but the feelings she brought

from a different world

beyond the sea

still remain

like a pirate’s treasure chest

full of Spanish dubloons

that people would kill for

I feel

bitter shame

that I left you

in the rear-view mirror

Cool relief

that now I know

why I am in this world

Sweet joy

of hearing your voice

Electric excitement

of touching you again

It doesn’t matter if we manage

to claw back from the universe

all the years I stole from you

or if a storm washes us away tomorrow

We can be happy

and carefree

and yes

we can love

even on the darkest of days

Your life is not yet forfeit

even if you can’t see it now

because of my cowardice

I want to hold your hand

even though you can’t

hold mine back

I want to kiss your lips

and I know you can

kiss mine back

Whatever time we have left

I desire for it to be filled

with many more days

like the one we just had

The real treasure is love, I said

in what feels like another life

But it was just a few steps from here

and I still mean it

I promised over and over

to stay at your side

and with all my heart

I intend to keep my word

this time

Even if you don’t want me to

Yet

----------------------------------

„I am never leaving you again!”. The powerful and beautiful promise was still hanging in the air, like the last part of an echo slowly fading away, when Max regained control of her body.

“I love you” – Max said in a loud and confident voice.

Chloe turned her head towards Max. Chloe’s eyes, red and wet from crying now expressing surprise. And something else. Was it a tiny flicker of hope? Max wanted to believe that.

Max continued her confession: “I love you. I promised to always love you on that stupid recording which I sent you after your accident, as salt for your wounds. And here I am, years too late. But I love you!”

The flicker of hope was gone from Chloe’s eyes, like a tiny flame blown out by cold wind. She lowered her gaze to her own motionless body and said: “It’s fine, Max. You don’t owe me anything. I should have never asked you for that”. In a much quieter voice she added: “Your tape was not like salt. It was like a bandage. It got me through the months after my accident. I would listen to it on repeat. Even after it became clear you would never come”. Chloe lifted her gaze and looked at Max. The utter hopelessness in Chloe’s eyes broke Max’s heart. Chloe continued: “You don’t have to wallow with me in my misery. You don’t have to sit here. I release you from your promise. Go back to the life you’ve built out there, outside of my cage. Go back to the friends who won’t bring you down. You’ve spent a day with a dying friend. You’ve done your good deed”.

Even though Chloe spoke calmly, her words were like a whip. Max was filled with shame, so bitter that she could taste it on her tongue.

“I am not here because of words I said years ago. I’ve already proven that I don’t care about my own word. I am here because I love you now. I know I don’t have to be here. But I want to. You can release me from my already broken promise. But you can’t tell me not to love you”.

“What does that even mean, Max? That you love me?”

“It means this …” – Max placed her hand on Chloe’s hand. Even though Chloe didn’t feel it, she blushed. “And it also means this …” – slowly, looking Chloe deep in the eyes, Max brought her face close to Chloe’s and gently kissed her on the lips. Chloe kissed her back, making up for her inexperience with eagerness.

A smile lingered on Chloe’s lips for a while. But then her hopelessness dealt her another blow.

“God, Max, I am so pathetic. You saw me staring at you the entire night and you decided to give me a pity kiss goodbye”.

Max knew making up for years of neglect was going to be difficult. But she wasn’t about to give up easily.

“That was not a kiss goodbye. It was a kiss welcome. And I kissed you not out of pity, but because I wanted to. Very much”.

“Max, you know I’m dying, right? We don’t know how much time I have left. Maybe in six months I’ll be long gone”.

“I don’t care. If the time still left is short, that’s all the more reason not to waste even a moment of it. Chloe, it kills me to know that you wanted crumbs from my table to be your last supper. Just one day and that’s it? But what if we could have many more days like that?”

“But … I didn’t think you’d actually want to stick around with me for longer than that”.

“Whatever time you have left, however long or short it might be, I want to share it with you. Every moment. That’s what me loving you means”.

They sat looking in each other’s eyes for a longer while, processing the momentous revelations of the day. And it was still just early morning.

The beautiful moment was cut short when an alarm in Max’s cell phone started ringing.

“Shit! I have classes soon. I’ll come back straight after school, I promise, Chloe”.

When Max was at the door, Chloe said to her: “Max, please. If you don’t mean the things you've said, if you don’t actually want me, if you’re not going to come back, you have to tell me now. You can’t give a gift like that and then take it away”.

Max walked over to Chloe, kissed her hair and said confidently: “I’ve never been more serious in my life”.

Chloe was smiling when Max left the room.

Most likely:

”Oh boy, a Sam harem! Just like I always dreamed of!”

To Angry/Noir Sam: “Hey hot stuff!”

To Sad Sam: “It’s okay, beautiful. I’ll protect you.”

“We are so totally going to get fucking caught”

Maxine turned to look at the complaining blonde momentarily before continuing on, “Chill out Tori. We just need to get some pics on Jefferson’s desk and then we’re gone.”

Victoria crossed her arms as she followed Max down the hall. “I can’t believe you talked me into this Maxine. If that lameass rent-a-cop catches us my parents will have my fucking ass.”

The brunette stopped and turned to Victoria putting her hands on her hips smiling snidely. “Awww, is little baby Tori afraid of a loser like Skip Matthews?”

The taller girl rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Oh fuck you Maxine.”

Maxine’s smile turned into wicked smirk as she stalked forward and shoved the taller girl against the locker.

“Maxine what the fu-!”

“Is that a request Victoria?” Max whispered in her ear.

The blonde’s eyes went wide. “W-what are yo-“

“Oh come on Tori” Maxine’s breath felt hot on Victoria’s cheek. “Your little crush is so fucking obvious.”

“I-I..” she gasped as she felt Maxine press her knee between her thighs. Her lips just barely hovering over Victoria’s.

“If you want something you should ask for it.”

Victoria wanted to lean forward and press their lips together but the shorter girl had her pinned to the locker with a surprising strength and her knees were starting to shake.

“So how about you beg me.”

The blonde stood there feeling helpless under those brilliant blue eyes. “Maxine.... please.”

Maxine whispered against her lips “Good girl.” Before surging forward and pressing herself into the taller girl, kissing her fiercely.

It’s gonna take me a while to finish it, so have this sketch that won’t make it to the final product!