#menhara

ik i said i wouldn’t post for a while but i need to complain about how i have a fucking bruise on my shoulder from how heavy my backpack is

like i already have back problems this is just mean

Am i really worth knowing?

Maybe i am.

But I'm not worth staying with.

I am a bad influence and a bad company.

Leave, for your own safety.

I know you can. I believe in you. 10 years is nothing in comparison to your sanity in life.

I want her back.

🌹You haunt my dreams.

Why did you leave me.

I deserved for you to leave, i bullied you, after all, but i want you back.

You bitch.

Come back.

I'll become better.

I want to text her so much.

I want to live alone and destroy myself a lot.

I want freedom.

I want to drink until i vomit. Vomiting is really not that scary. I threw up recently, and it low-key felt fun, probably because it's been ages since that happened.

I want to get nose bleeds like all my friends. I want to eat my own nose blood.

I want to take a walk through a graveyard.

I want to tattoo my arms and get a manicure to make my nails into claws. Fuck the fact that I'm a man.

I want to reshape my teeth into longer fangs.

I want to eat a shit ton of spicy food.

I want to eat a bull's dick again.

Even dr★gs are on the list.

I'm so hungry and I don't know what i need.

I don't know why freedom is associated with self-destruction in my brain.

Self destruction is genuinely fun for me, and seeing people worried, at least in my current evil state, is even more fun.

I feel important and powerful.

I want to be a popular jirai (yes, i said a jirai) and have people care for me. Receiving care feels good, even though i will brush it off and not listen to their attempts to help me.

Yes, watch and suffer from not being able to do shit. I'm a sadist.

Give me attention and affection that i don't deserve. Give me your hearts to eat.

Rah rah rah.

I'm about to start posting evil shit without trigger warnings, just a heads up for those who have my notifs on.

I'm trying to figure out if I'm manic or not.

Since i got obsessed with Verity, my personality switched to the "scary" one.

This one:

The one where i post scary pics in my posts.

This personality has been holding up for weeks now, that's why I've been getting high. I also noticed that I'm more rude and i prioritize myself over everything else more, as well as being more confident, energetic, emotional (/pos), etc. But i also get exhausted from the amount of bitchy emotions.

All these are usually signs of mania for me.

Idk if i should text my psychiatrist about this, i kinda wanna stay in this state, even though i get impulsive and evil while like this.

Why must i always feel so guilty for buying vape supplies.

Like bruh, i wanted to smoke since i was like 8. I've been having tons of dreams about smoking. I am just like this.

I don't need my brain to remind me that people are worried about me and that smoking/vaping is ""stigmatized"".