Ponyboy was picking at the bed of his nails. He felt crazy, sitting alone on his shared bed in a small room. For the past 4 weeks, he had heard, felt- seen Johnny! No, it couldn’t be real.. Johnny cade was dead and had been 7 months, but every time he had one of these hallucinations, he started to question if that was really true. Pony pushed himself up from the bed and headed to the washroom. He needed to snap himself out of this. Ponyboy would look over his shoulder at every sound made around the house, a buzzing fly, a creek from the window, a car driving by. That paranoia was exactly what he needed to fix. When he stepped through the doorframe he felt a shiver run through his body. He didn’t acknowledge the figure trailing behind him.

In the mirror, pony looked a mess. Tangled, un-greased hair curling around his face and features, dark circles and worst of all, puffy eyes from his babyish crying. Everything was so overwhelming, Pony couldn’t help but cry from the stress of it. His brothers didn’t know though.

He brought his cupped hands up to his face to splash himself with warm water. Ponyboy made sure to keep the water away from his nose and mouth.

He was supposed to be better by now, and he had been before Johnny came back. He wasn’t one for being mushy with emotions to begin with, so Pony potentially being sick in the head, seeing things? He wouldn’t dare to express it. No, no, no. he can handle this on his own. Pony lifted his head from his hands, and saw Johnny looking back at him, standing next to him in the mirror.

“..Johnny?” He turned to look him in the eyes.

“Pony…. Finally you’re talking to me.”

It was the same welcoming smile that Johnny had before and for a moment he was glad to be able to remember what it looked like. “Oh thank god, man I thought for a while you still couldn’t see me!… But, uh.. how’re ya doin’?”

Pony looked down and turned to the doorway, but could still see Johnny standing behind him in the mirror. He pushed himself forward back out into the hallway, he shouldn’t entertain hallucinations, and that’s all Johnny was.. Right? Of course. Ponyboy wouldn’t let himself be fooled and broken again by his own mind. But as he walked away, he could feel the footsteps of his friend trailing close behind him.

“Hey, man, why aren’t you looking at me?…”

He’s not real.

“Pony- I thought you’d be excited , or at least a bit happy to see me again.”

It’s not Johnny.

“Please, talk to me- look at me! Anything?”

Johnny’s dead- “Get out of my head!” Pony raised his hands to his head as he shouted it out to the living room in-front of him, assuming he was alone.

“What the-? Pony? You’re home today?” Twobit peeked up from the couch, hungover.

Oh right, how could he forget. Two had been out by Bucks, drinkin’ his body weight and fooling around. He and Buck had become something between friends and trauma bonded widows. Pony thought they probably liked having someone to talk to, about.. well, you know. Along with Buck, Two talked with Tim Shepard more now. Tim would also be found in the curtis house a little more often than he ever had been, but he’d always act coldy to the brothers, pony especially. Anyway, Pony wasn’t in the mood to chat, not in his current state and especially not with a very hungover Two-bit. He turned back towards the hallway- Johnny.

“Leavin’ so soon? Alright, ponykid. You make sure not to smoke more than a pack or two, Superman wanted me to tell ya… Huh, that makes a lot more sense now..”

Slumping back down into the couch, Two went on rambling and Pony opened the door to his bedroom, pulling Johnny along behind him. He gave up on ignoring him, if his visions wanted to talk so badly, he’d get it over with so he could finally relax.

Pony sat sideways in his desk chair, facing Johnny who was sat cross-legged on his bed. He looked strange with wings curling out from his back and a ring of gold lighting his head. For a long while they sat in silence as Ponyboy examined every brushstroke that made his friend’s face, details that he couldn’t even recall clearly anymore. It all must have been kept in his subconscious somewhere. They stayed still, suspended in the silence, until Johnny spoke again.

“…So, uhm.”

Pony looked up from his lips back to his eyes. Cheeks flushing lightly in embarrassment. No matter, his brow remained furrowed and determined.

“Did you…I mean, were you plannin’ on talking to me?” Johnny hesitated with each word and fidgeted with his fingers in his lap.

“Uhm… N-not really..” He felt gutted talking to the vision of Johnny cade. Pony never would have to have had this conversation if his brain could just get itself in order, but this was his last resort. He whispered to himself “He’s not real.” Then braving to speak again, “Why, uh, are you here?…”

“…To visit you.”

Ponyboy couldn’t help but soften his expression into a small frown. He didn’t want to do this, it made him feel terrible. It made Johnny feel real.

There was another silence between them.

“Um…..Dally said he was gonna wait a bit until he tried to come down, said he was gonna see how this went.”

So either Dallas is secretly a saint, or the afterlife is one conclusive realm-! No, no, it’s not real, he ain’t really Johnny and he hasn’t talked to Dally. Pony started picking harder at his nails than before.

“Pony, I thought I told you to stop that, it ain’t good for you, man.” He was talking sweetly, something Johnny learned from Pony’s mama, and something he used to tell pony to take care of himself. Ponyboy couldn’t take it.

Hot tears and soft sobs quickly raked through his body after holding them in for so long, and even though his mind was focused on other things, Johnny was still there. In the room with him.

“Woah, Hey hey!” Johnny walked over to pony’s side and held him the best he could, until ponyboy stood and hugged him tight. “Hey man, it’ll be alright!” He hugged him back. “Im sorry, I know it’s probably a lot… Guess I didn’t think too hard on that part.”

Pony’s grip tightened around Johnny. He let his fingers tangle in friend’s worn shirt, and sunk harder into the warmth.

Johnny stepped back to fall onto the bed. Neither loosened their grip for a long time, and neither spoke a word.

Strangely, it was similar to many the times they’d have hung out before the other died. Silence, comfort, and holding on like they were each other’s life support.

Ponyboy didn’t know exactly how long they stayed like that, just that when he opened his eyes, the sun was slowly setting. And suddenly all of it came flooding back more so than it ever had before. The church and country sunsets, stay gold; the poem, last words and letter. Every second of that week. But this time, he didn’t want to cry and grieve. he had the chance to make a few more memories. Pony would lie to himself, he’d say that Johnny really was back.

When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper, “Hey, johnnycakes. Let’s go watch the sunset.”

“Ngh.. W-what? What’d you say, man?” Johnny spoke like he was just waking up, which he probably was, but his eyes widened, glowing with excitement once he processed the words. “Sure! Yeah- I mean! Let’s go, right now!”

Pony pushed off from the bed, stumbling back a bit from lightheadedness. “O-okay! Let me wash up quick.”

Johnny smiled wide back and giggled. 7 months without his best friend, they were gonna make up for lost time. Whilst he waited for his friend to return, he combed through his thick locks with his fingers.

Pony ran out the bedroom door with a clean shirt to the washroom. He wrestled out of his sleep shirt and tried to grease up his hair a bit. Recently he’d been too exhausted to grease it, and the length it had grown out to made his hair more difficult than worth.

Sodapop heard him running through the house and peered out from the kitchen, “Hey, Ponyboy! What you runnin’ about for?”

“Just gonna see the sunset!”

Soda was ecstatic enough that Pony was leaving his room. He thought that his little brother had thrown himself into studying recently, so it was a nice shift seeing him up and about. “Alright! Make sure you’re home by 11:30! Dar’ll be real happy to see you at dinner!”

“Okay, Soda. I’ll be sure not to dilly dally-“ Pony silently winced at the phrase, he guessed it was just on his mind.

Pony slipped back into his room with a knock, whispering johnny’s name. Johnny wasn’t sitting on his bed anymore, and for a moment his stomach sank to his feet and his breathing picked up pace before he opened the door further to see his friend standing at his closet on the opposite wall.

“You mind if I borrowed a jacket? I.. I’m pretty sure I lost my jean one in the fire.” He tilted his head, giving Pony a melancholic grin. Pony quickly shuffled over, closing the door behind him.

“Of course. All my sweaters on the left, and my jackets are hanging next to them.”

“Thank pone.”

They smiled softly at each other, and this time without any solemn feelings.

Johnny grabbed out a sweater with a wool lining and sage green plaid on the outside.

“Hey, pony? When’d you get this one? It looks familiar, but i can’t remember anytime Ive seen you wear it…”

“..It was my Dad’s”

Johnny’s arms dropped a little and his face twisted into regret, “Oh-! I-I’m sorry man, ill put it back.” Pony caught his arm and held his hand in his.

“No, it’s alright. Dad would’ve lent it to you if he were here. Really, you can have it.”

Johnny stared at him, then at the sweater, and back to Pony’s eyes. He’d changed in the time he was gone, like he wasn’t weighed down by the grief as much.

He wondered what he must have been like after he died and squeezed Ponyboy’s hand.