#als journal

There is never a single day where I do not learn something new, and even more infuriating, about that man. Will there be ever a time when he allows my mind, attempting logic, to rest? Only today, I found him rushing through the hallways, carring his pig child in his arms, screaming to the world that "PIGS REALLY DO FLY!" I choose to believe this had nothing to do with my statement yesterday, saying the only time I would ever kiss him is when such an event happened. I dont believe I'll ever truly understand his chaotic nature. I, myself, cause chaos, but he has it naturally inside him. He is energy, when I am calm. He is light, when I am dark. And he is kindness, where I am closed off. I've heard the phrase "opposites attract" for many years, and yet it never made true sense until recently. Though, with Arakniss' new insight, that Angel does not believe in love crush attraction fondness at first glance as I had hoped, perhaps... That phrase was wrong after all. I dont believe I have the physical capability of being fully honest about the thoughts in my mind, even in writing this knowing another individual should never see it. Lest I allow my unfortunately bold shadows to take the pen, I suppose things will remain in my mind, as they always have. I've had many and many a rejection in my life, but I can tell even now, this is the first and only I am truly afraid of.

That ridiculous little animal never ceases to taunt me each and every day. Finally, I decide to make a promise to those grey blobs on the tumble about not eating him... Its as if he knew, because the very same day he came running up and attempted to follow me around until Angel came to steal him back. The only thing that pig has ever taught me is that I should never attempt to lie down in the main area, lest it come jumping on my chest and attempting to "nuzzle" my face again. Although- I must admit, the look on Angel's face when the creature did so, and I did not respond harshly, was quite... Endearing. That being said, I still have no intentions of being around that thing anymore than necessary.

How many years has hell continued in normality without any change being made? Regardless of my partaking in the cleanse, it is tradition, and one person's innocent dream will not be able to change that should they even wish to. Its... Unfortunate to see so many people enter with hope, knowing that I'm the only one who can see the inevitable failure. And yet... Even now, some have been making progress, and... Well, if I have consider what might come beyond this place, why should I not wonder what it would be like to return to the skies above? Of course, that's a mere fantasy. Even if this were to work... I'm far too gone for it anyway.

It'll be ever so fun to watch her fail.