#alpinetask

Dear Janet,

I just absolutely adore this camp so far! It’s such a lovely, beautiful, fun, exciting place! I can walk around here for hours and just marvel at the scenery, and there’s always an activity to do or someone to talk with! I’m going to do yoga soon, and I might even ride a horse! It’s all so exciting, I wish you were here to enjoy it all with me! 

I’ve even met some great people, everyone is so nice and friendly here, of course there are a few who aren’t but that never stopped me from being their friend! There’s a girl named Ellie in my cabin who I like a lot, she doesn’t talk very much but I like her. She gave me the nickname Suzy Sunshine, so now I call her Elliphant! Isn’t that just the cutest thing! I’ve also decided with my new friend Ricky that I want two cats, one named Salem and the other Binx. Can I pretty please get them? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

I don’t have much to say right now but I’ll keep sending you letters updating you on my new life here at camp! I love you so much sissy, and I really hope you’re okay and safe. I still feel bad leaving you there alone, I just really hope you’re safe. Oh, I’m so worried for you. 

dad,

look, i know you probably won’t even read this, considering the only things you do read are emails and shit. it’s cool though, i mean. dr. schilling always said it would be good to write down how i feel and whatever. guess you did something right with that.

anyway, camp alpine isn’t nearly as bad as i expected. we’re in the middle of nowhere and there’s a lot of stuff to do here. i’ve done the rock climbing wall so far, and let me tell you, if i thought that brazilian soccer camp a couple years ago was bad…. this wall ruined me. my entire body hurt, i guess that’s what i get for not playing soccer anymore, right?

the people aren’t that bad either. a lot of them are really nice, more than i expected them to be. –and no, i know what you’re thinking, i haven’t hit on any of the girls because that isn’t why i came here. but don’t take that as there aren’t any pretty girls here, trust me, there are. 

i’m sure you’re wondering about the dreams and everything. the dreams happen every night, multiple times a night. i won’t be able to get that gunshot out of my head, and i won’t be able to sleep knowing i did nothing about it. the anxiety is still here too, i’m still jumpy as you liked to call me but i am trying to get better. and yes, i’m still taking my meds.

as much as i hate to say it, i think we, mainly you, made a good decision for once. it’s nice to be able to start over, a change of scenery, especially one where i don’t have to see that gas station anymore. to be honest with you, something i’m sure you know nothing about i can see myself actually getting better here.

I’m writing to you again.

I don’t even know who you are but that’s what I’m doing.

Not a lot is new. I’m a counsellor at this camp now. I teach archery. No surprise there. Anything that’s a weapon right? Perhaps I wouldn’t be like that if I had known you and you had known me. But then I wouldn’t know a lot of people that I know now. So perhaps that’s okay.

I’m not happy but I’m not unhappy. But why does that matter to you? You don’t even care. I bet you tell yourself that giving me up was my best chance. Or perhaps it was your best chance. You didn’t want me and I definitely don’t want you. Because giving me up wasn’t my best chance. It was my worst.  I’m an orphan. I’m homeless. If you met me on the streets, you’d probably give me money like I’m a charity case. I’m a criminal. I’m a runaway. You wouldn’t be proud. You would look at me with pity. I don’t want your pity.

But I’m glad you don’t know me. You don’t deserve to. I’m better than you. I value family, I value loyalty. Despite all the bad things I’ve done, I’m good. But you’ll never know that.

dad, 

this is a fucking joke, you know that? they sat me down in this room and told me to write a letter to you and i’m just like, you fuckers expect my dad to read this shit? of course you won’t. outta sight, outta mind, right, pal?

anyway, it’s lit here. i’m not at home, so that’s the one perk of this. but you know, jordan? i mean of course you don’t because your head is too far up your own ass to know what’s going on with your only son, but he’s here too. you know why? we both have really shitty parents. it’s a lot better than dealing with the real issues. 

but i mean, you don’t even know what’s going on, do you? i’m empty, dad. and it’s all your fucking fault. i’ve tried everything, booze, drugs, sex, fucking everything to feel something. i even robbed a bank, you know that? i got away with it too. and it didn’t just happen one time. robbing cars and stores and houses is one thing, but once you build up tolerance for that, you just need more. i can’t stop, and if anyone thinks that being here is going to fix it, i’ll tell you right fucking now it won’t do shit. 

but yeah. i’m out of your way, you’re out of mine, and that’s all i could ever ask for. honestly, just burn this shit when you get it. granted whichever secretary you’re screwing right now⎯⎯⎯ meredith, lexie, marissa, who the fuck knows⎯⎯⎯ is probably just gonna throw it out, and i am more than okay with that. 

fuck you. 

Dear Papa Snow,

      They’re making us right this letter and I’m not to sure why but I guess it’s part of the camp experience but whatever. One I think it’s passive aggressive that you just shipped me off to some camp because you think it’s going to help me make better friends and decisions. This isn’t the fucking breakfast club yo i already have friends. Two it’s kind of cruel that you want me to have a friends that are going to leave and go back home where we’re probably going to forget each other I mean feed into my abandonment issues even more. I just wanted to get all that off my chest as I continue with this letter.

 Camp is boring as hell we are like two seconds away from jumping into a musical number. I mean come the fuck on, I miss home, I miss 24 hour bodega’s, I miss my crew, I miss my ex {Don’t even think his name remember it’s banned}. I miss sitting out real late on the stoop talking shit with my friends. I know you don’t like them but they are the only constant in my life, They were there before you knew me, When I was scrapping everyday to prove I wasn’t a punk. We have a bond that’s for life and I think I get this Lilo and stitch vibe you got with the whole Ohana thing but you have to accept the fact that I’m not that great of a person. 

 I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I know I can be totally difficult but that;s by nature not because I hate ya. Anyways I met some cool people, Lila and Vee,Alejandro is sexy, I met this boy August he seems okay, he has really pretty eyes so that makes it fun when he speaks to me, Then we have Austin who is like ugh but he has cool points. Our horse riding counselor is hot and Idk. Wrapping this up I haven’t been caught getting in trouble, Sen me brownies,.Tell my Fatales that I miss them and Fatales forever. Love you and all that mushy shit.

                                                        Yours Truly 

                                                     Honey Churchill

Dearest Sunbeam, 

I’ve been at camp for a little while now, and it’s all going well. It’s just as I remember it, the lake lined with canoes, the mess hall loud and rowdy; just like the home I used to always describe to you when I’d come back after my summers away. It just feels a little different this time around, Sunbeam. I think it’s because I’m different. I talk to all the new people as much as I can, and I try to be as chirper with them as you are with me but it’s difficult. Sometimes I just want to stay in my bunk and be by myself, or I want to hike through the woods and get lost on my own. I know I can’t though, so I don’t. I will myself to do the fun things. Like the other night I went skinny dipping all on my own, and I climbed the wall the next day. Oh! And I almost learned archery, it was amazing. You’d love it here, especially all the cuties that we have around the camp. You’d be in heart-eyes central. Sometimes I wish I had my phone so I could update you on all the things that I have going on. Especially the things revolving around him...

I know I never truly told you the full extent of what went on between myself and the boy I’d come running here to see, which isn’t fair considering you’re basically my sister. And I’m sorry for that, but I’m hoping you’re okay with me telling you now? With being back in this setting, and seeing all of the places he and I made our own, it makes dealing with what I did just slightly harder and I really need to get it off my chest. He and I are in love Sunbeam, that you always knew, I was head over heels for him. And like any two people in love, we made our love official by sleeping together. Remember the day last year when I missed our first dance class together? And then a few more afterwards? Well, Sunbeam, I had a doctor’s appointment that day. And I wasn’t exactly feeling up to dancing any of the days after. He and I were gonna have a baby, but I decided I wasn’t ready. So, I aborted it. Please don’t judge me, or tell my parents, it was something I needed to do. I never told him, and now I can barely look him in the eye without feeling guilty.

Oh Sunbeam, please tell me what to do. How do I make all of this better...you always gave the greatest advice, please try and do that again for me now. Write back to me as soon as possible, okay? Hopefully my next letter will have some lighter news in it. I love you Sunbeam, don’t forget to keep shining<3

Love Always,