#aloneatmidnight

By ROBBIE DEE

Everyone's mental health story has a beginning - a starting point. Some stories unfold gradually as symptoms start to become more apparent over time. My story started with an explosion. The following is the short version.

So, boom, here we go!

It was the end of the summer of 1993. I was travelling in a van through the U.S. to return to Toronto for my third year of University. My trip only lasted 24 hours. I had been sleeping very little over the summer and did not even sleep a wink while driving with my three roommates. We had stopped for breakfast just outside of Missoula, Montana. I jumped out of the van in an empty parking lot and had it in my mind that I was walking home to Victoria, BC. Something just snapped in my mind. I was filled with adrenaline and overwhelm.

My roommates transported me to the nearest hospital to get checked out. After triage, my roommates quickly left. They were simply in shock because I was being admitted and they didn't know what to say or do.

I was now alone and admitted into a psychiatric ward at a private hospital in another country. I was politely strip searched and encouraged to sign Voluntary Admittance papers. This meant they could keep me up to 30 days. I was told if I did not sign them, a doctor would certify me. Being certified meant they could keep me for up to 90 days. I quickly signed the voluntary papers.

My Mom boarded three different planes to get to Missoula as quickly as possible. Family friends drove a Motorhome down from Victoria. The plan was to transport me back to the Canadian Border A.S.A.P. The hospital bill was already well over ten thousand dollars for just over 24 hours of treatment.  Because I was still a minor in the U.S, my Mom was able to get them to reluctantly release me into her care. The doctors had already diagnosed me as Schizophrenic or Bipolar. My Mom was disgusted that they diagnosed me so quickly. She told me that we would get my health situation dealt with properly when we returned home.

I made it home with no further incidents and my mental health situation was addressed slowly and properly in the end.

24 hours in a psych ward in the States didn't hurt me. It just scared me a bit - OK, a lot. It was a band-aid though. It kept me safe until I could get the long term help I needed.  

I am sharing this story because I feel it is not our past that defines us. I am sharing this story because I feel it is not where we have been in life that defines us. I am sharing this story because I feel it is where we are in the present moment that truly matters. Are we taking care of ourselves? Are we safe? Are we reaching out to others if needed?

Life happens one moment at a time.

Thanks for reading.

You matter.

Fifteen Reasons Why You Should NOT Kiss at Midnight. 

15. Think about Dick Clark. He has spent every New Year’s Eve since the creation of man waiting for people to pay attention to him instead of each other's faces. But alas, the public ne'er headed the warning. The man didn't die because he was 1,562 years old. He died of a broken heart.

14. The collective bodily fluids exchanged at this hour on this day could drown all the baby polar bears, like our melting ice caps. Think of the environment. 

13. In the time it would take to kiss someone, you could put back 2-5 glasses of champagne. 

12. By kissing someone at midnight, you are taking away their opportunity to drink 2-5 glasses of champagne, which I’m sure is considered domestic abuse south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

11. Your cats/dogs/siblings/other small mammals could be watching you, which will result in a lifetime of expensive therapy. My own kitty, George Emerson, is always trying to throw himself out the window. I can only assume it’s because he saw his former owners sucking each other’s faces off last year.  

10. Why would you not be having sex yet? What kind of year are you looking to have?

9. According to my Facebook feed, instead of kissing someone at midnight you should be getting engaged while simultaneously becoming pregnant. 

8. At midnight in Denmark, everyone goes around throwing plates at their friend’s doors. The more plates you have on your porch, the more popular you are. That’s kind of like kissing only way more cool and without the possibility of a communicable disease.

7. Speaking of communicable diseases, are you aware that 95% of the population has contracted infectious mononucleosis in their lifetime? 

6. If you do get mono, your mom will undoubtedly be waiting in the wings with some variant of a bridge metaphor.  

5. Have you ever not kissed someone at midnight? Because watching a room full of drunks try to slap lips together is one of the funniest things you will see all year. 

4. There’s a large demographic of bitter, lonely cat ladies (me) who are making out with a bottle of tequila and would prefer not to have a legion of happy couples making out in front of them while they weep. (still me)

3. Consider the alternatives:

          -Build a fort.

          -Ski down your stairs.

          -Clock some hours on the polar ice caps thing.

          -Dress your cat up like a Moorlock and put him in your fort.

          -Drink a glass of water.

          -Drink a glass of tequila and pretend it’s water.

2. If you have to touch each other for some reason, opt to co-flagellate instead. I could get behind co-flagellation at midnight. 

1. Katharine Heigl does it.