Nov 24, 2025
I look at pictures of me from when I was 5-7 years old (the years I had gained consciousness) and I cannot look at a cute kid. I only get reminded of the crazy emotional experience I was going through called Thinking.
#I honestly would not like to have the mental state of younger me#I used to worry so much#i felt so many bad feelings and i'd try so hard to find comfort and avoid them#I WAS SEVEN#the anxiety that death put me in i cannot even begin to tell you#ykw actually i didnt get rid of it till i was 15#i remember i was 5 years old on my first day of UKG thinking man i've grown up i dont want to grow up i want to stay a kid forever#and so to combact that feeling i would try to do things that kids did#alone...#i always had smth to worry about and i thought bro why is there always something to worry about#i used to wake up in the middle of the night in a dark room and cry about the crimes in the world can you imagine#and i would feel so bad and uncomfortable any time anyone died#i felt bad for abdul kalam like he was my dad i couldnt sleep#now that i think about it#wtf akidev#i got reminded of all this because i looked at a picture of me from when i was 5#i cant look at that kid like that
