hey so we often talk about how itâs never okay to out someone without their permission, but like
we donât really talk about when we out someone without meaning to. Like, maybe youâre used to spending time with someone in a situation where theyâre out, so then in a new setting you donât even think about the fact that they may not be out there. Or you could assume that someone is out to a person who they are not. Or maybe youâre talking about something that in your mind is only tangentially related to someoneâs identity, but to them feels like youâre outing them.
All those situations are STILL NOT OKAY. You may have had the best intentions and made an honest mistake, but you still fucked up. All you can do at that point is apologize and try to be more careful in the future. This doesnât mean you are a terrible person or something, but it does deserve an apology, as youâve potentially put this person at risk.
This reminder also applies to those of us who (for example) aren't straight and out trans people or aren't cis and out gay/bi/pan people. We need to remember to be good allies and recognize that we, too, can fuck up. And also if you out someone who has the same identity as you - that is also NEVER okay.
TL;DR: even if you out people by accident, itâs still a big problem because your intent doesnât negate the potential harm youâve caused, so apologize and try to do better in the future
EDIT: second-to-last paragraph edited because the previous wording apparently was confusing and could be interpreted like I was saying it's okay to out someone with the same identity as you. Definitely not the case!! And sorry for it being confusing!