I had a thought. What if Jack was ace? And Brock still wanted to climb him like a tree? Leading to an… awkward conversation. Enjoy.
“I thought you just wanted to take things slowly Jack! But what what you meant to say was… you don’t love me? Because that’s a dick move Jack. I mean we’ve been dating for how long now and you’re just now telling me that-”
“that’s not what I’m saying Brock, I’m saying that I do not want to have sex. Ever. At all.” Jack says for what feels like the hundredth time. He’s knows that it’s a hard concept for Brock to grasp. And as much of an asshole that he might be, he’s not acting this way to be a dick. He genuinely does not understand what Jack has been trying to tell him for the last hour.
“you don’t want to put your dick in me? Why? Everyone wants to put their dick in me, Jack. I mean… my ass is fantastic. I’d fuck myself if I could.” Goddammit, Brock is pouting. And he looks ridiculous when he does it, so Jack is now trying not laugh during this very serious conversation that they were in having. In the locker room. In front of the entire team. Because Brock has no concept what a fucking private conversation means.
“I don’t want to put my dick anyone, Brock. Do you know what I want?” he pauses here to make sure Brock is still listening. He is. “ I want a good steak, some half decent whiskey, comfortable clothes, shitty movie to watch and some cuddles on the couch. That’s it.”
Brock narrows his eyes, thinking for a few moments and Jack thinks finally, it’s finally sinking in, When… “what about after the movie? What happens then?”
“depending on the time we go to bed? Get some sleep?”
“…. like…without jerking off first? How do you sleep without busting your nut?” Brock asks disbelieving.
“I just close my eyes. Find a comfortable position and sleep.”
“Your balls must be so blue they voted for Clinton. What the shit?”
“They… really aren’t. My balls are fine. ” Jack really wants this conversation to be done. Telling his boyfriend that he’s asexual was turning put to be much more difficult than he had planned. It does not help that the he can hear Mercer snickering behind him and Murphy is making the little hurt noises he makes when he’s trying so hard to not laugh. He’s not sure they’re laughing at his suffering or Brock’s ignorance but either way it’s annoying. So he decides to table this conversation for now. Brock’s not stupid, far from it. Jack figures in a few days that he’ll get it, stop thinking with his dick, apologize and they’ll figure something out together.
Jack was wrong. He was so very wrong. He completely underestimated how in love Brock is with his dick. The seventy-two dick pics in his phone confirmed that. He’s perfectly justified a few days later when he stalks into the debriefing room and shoves a beautifully wrapped package into Brock’s hands before taking a seat. There’s a tag attached that Brock ignores in favour of tearing open the gift to see what’s inside. A nondescript box falls out with a gentle thud and Brock goes to tear that open as well. Everyone in the room falls silent when a large dildo falls out. After a few moments of doing nothing but staring at it, Brock grabs the tag attached to the gift and reads it.
deal with it yourself- Jack.
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