#allatou

So the issue starts off with a training exercise between Hawkeye and Tigra.

She’s talking a big game about how she can dodge his arrows with graceful ease and slice him into ribbons. But of course she won’t slice him into ribbons, this is just a training exercise to demonstrate that she’s totally in control in her Tigra form. Totally and entirely. So entirely.

Hawkeye is unconvinced of her control, which he demonstrates by making her faceplant and eat grass by shooting her arm with an arm shoving arrow.

Hawkeye: “You’re not so graceful, pussycat! You wanna talk graceful, let’s talk archery!”

But just as he’s bragging about his net arrow, Tigra rages out, knocks the net arrow away, and then lunges at him.

Hawkeye: I wonder if I’ve pushed her over the brink?

And then she starts trying to choke him to death.

So, I’d say yes.

After Tigra bats away Mockingbird, Wonder Man and Iron Man come out of the woods work and hold Tigra from killing Hawkeye.

They’re more than strong enough for it but Iron Man warns that Tigra has a tricksy wiry strength so its very possible she’d wriggle her way out and get back to strangling Hawkeye.

Thank goodness Hank Pym is here??

Because.

It feels like a reference to the MCU way before the MCU was even a glimmer in anyone’s eye.

Hank soothes Tigra of her murderous rage, which even gets compared to cooling down the Hulk.

I guess their very hormonal relationship means a lot to Tigra.

She even says she’ll be lost for the rest of her life if Hank lets her go.

Which is a startling statement considering she keeps trying to make out with everyone else and that shoe is eventually gonna drop.

Tigra activates her amulet to take on her Greer Nelson guise and declares that she can never be Tigra or an Avenger ever again. And then sadly wanders off into the woods.

TIGRA NO MORE

Where’s a trashcan around when you need one?

Hank Pym runs after her.

Greer Nelson: “Please -- I’d rather be alone now!”

Hank Pym: “No! You’re not alone -- now or ever! You’ve done the right thing Greer! That can’t be a cause for sorrow!”

Greer Nelson: “Hank! What -- ?”

Hank Pym: “Listen to me, Greer! This isn’t the end for you! This is the beginning -- and I know what I’m talking about!”

Hank argues that Greer had a whole life -- even a career as a superhero -- all before she became Tigra. And she can go back to that life, put Tigra behind her as a detour.

Hank Pym: “I wasted my time as Yellowjacket, because I’m not a superhero at heart -- and you were wasting your time, because you’re not a savage killer!”

Also, he offers champagne.

Greer is overjoyed at his support and maybe his offer of alcohol and even declares she loves Hank (which means something with the Tigra hormones cut out of the equation, I suppose) but then some rude, interrupting demons interrupt the conversation.

But meanwhile elsewhere scene change, Master Pandemonium is sitting in his Pandemonium Pad complaining that his subplot is stalled. He can’t find any of “the Five” he’s looking for and they can’t find him while he’s holed up in his sanctum.

But long-legged weird speaking demon bird Azmodeus pops up and tells him that there’s a major demon gathering.

Master Pandemonium has Azmodeus take him to the demon gathering and is surprised that the demons are led by Allatou, apparently a big deal. And is annoyed that the (West Coast) Avengers are involved again.

The West Coast Avengers assume that this many demons logically means Master Pandemonium is up to his old shit again. This theory seems confirmed when Hawkeye spots Master Pandemonium hovering over the battle.

Meanwhile, Allatou also spots Master Pandemonium and decides this confirms her theory that Hank Pym was working for Master Pandemonium. 

Hawkeye protests that no, that’s dumb, there’s no way they’re working with Pandemonium.

Allatou: “Ha ha ha! If you Avengers are not allied with Master Pandemonium, my basis for attacking you was illusory! Each of us faces two enemies -- and that rather appeals to my sense of humor!”

You’re a jovial sort, Allatou.

Greer Nelson is shocked to have Master Pandemonium here. Because she’s supposed to kill him to get her Tigra-soul removed. And the asshole decides to show up right after she vowed to never become Tigra again. She can’t kill Master P as Greer but she can’t become Tigra.

Greer Nelson: This is too cruel!

Hawkeye tries to arrow Allatou but she WHOOMB!s the ground so hard that it opens a pit right under his feet. Thankfully, Hawkeye is able to save himself with the wire arrow he keeps specifically for swinging away from pits.

Iron Man gets dogpiled by demons but they’re not strong enough to break his armor so he just does that comic thing that happens in comic where you dramatically throw your arms up or back and everyone goes flying away.

As an action beat, I like it because it never looks like it should cause the trajectory that it does.

Anyway, despite learning that the Avengers aren’t working with Master Pandemonium, Allatou didn’t come all this way not to kidnap a Hank Pym.

So she kidnaps Hank Pym and Greer too, why the fuck not!

Master Pandemonium tries to catch her but just falls through Allatou’s teleport mist.

He, of course, blames the Avengers. Somehow this is all their fault.

And then Master Pandemonium peaces out too.

Wonder Man: “Blast it! BLAST IT! How are we supposed to catch the supernatural! That’s the third time that creep has escaped us!”

Iron Man has apparently been arguing with Hawkeye off-panel that they need to bring in Dr Strange to help them with this damn demon dude and he has a little ‘I told you so’ moment now.

Hawkeye isn’t one to admit he’s wrong even when he’s wrong.

Hawkeye: “And as much as I hate to admit it -- you’re almost right, Tony! Good as we’ve gotten this is out of our league! But the Doc covers all the bases. And we’re dealing with a specific kind of supernatural here -- so I’d opt for the specialists in demon-bashing -- who happen to live right here on the West Coast!”

Yeah sure why ask the Sorcerer Supreme for help.

I feel like Hawkeye is just choosing a different guy to be contrary.

And the guy he wants to recruit instead of the SORCERER SUPREME?

A guy who thought “Son of Satan” was a cool name.

Yup, the West Coat Avengers are going to San Francisco to get help from Daimon and Patsy Hellstrom, aka Son of Satan and Hellcat.

In fairness. I think Dr Strange is a way better choice than Son of Satan but Patsy Walker Hellcat is better than not having Patsy Walker Hellcat.

Anyway, Daimon and Patsy return home from a walk and talk to find the West Coast Avengers hanging out on their stoop.

God, the (West Coast) Avengers just chilling on a stoop gives me life.

They all look casual except Iron Man who looks so stiff and uncomfortable.

I guess he can’t really help looking stiff in a suit of armor but it goes beyond the physical. The man inside is stiff and uncomfortable in this situation of sitting on some steps in public.

Anyway.

Patsy runs to greet the Avengers. She knows of Hawkeye and Mockingbird and she was briefly on the Avengers with Iron Man. Wonder Man she doesn’t know.

I also tell a fib. She doesn’t know these are the (West Coast) Avengers because she hasn’t been paying any attention to their press. She actually thinks Hawkeye reformed the Defenders.

Daimon moves things to business since “demons are best dealt with expeditiously” and invites everyone into the Hellstrom abode.

Which Patsy makes weird by adding “Yeah -- enter freely, and of your own will! Ha ha! Just kidding -- !”

Inside the Hellstrom Abode, the narration caption offers the weird comparison that the Hellstrom Abode feels busy compared to the feeling of preternatural calm that Dr Strange’s sanctum sanctorum has.

And I know that the portrayal drifts.

But Dr Strange’s super-haunted definitely super-cursed house being described as having a calm is funny to me.

Daimon says he’d always considered Master Pandemonium just a violent, eccentric dabbler but learning from Mockingbird Master P’s origin has completely changed the game. ‘Cause if Master P got his powers from Mephisto then he is seriously bad news.

Wonder Man interjects to get some clarification on the Satan thing. There’s a Satan what Daimon is Son of but there’s also Mephisto, which is another name for Satan so like which is the real Satan?

Daimon answers that there’s lots of Satans. There’s Satan, Satannish, Mephisto, Thog, Baphomet, Lucifer and et al. And they’re all aspects of Satan, even though they have difficult responsibilities and powers and domains and servants.

I think all the not-Satans can do a hug and fuse into One Big Satan.

But then Immortal Hulk reveals Turbo Satan which is a giant angry fart cloud that’s actually Jack Kirby God.

Suffice it to say, theology is confusing.

Also, there’s lots of hells.

And in one of those hells working for one of the Satans, there is Allatou, who Daimon has had to deal with before.

So maybe it was a good idea to come to Daimon Hellstrom instead of Dr Strange. Maybe.

Daimon and Patsy run into the next room to get ready for action.

Hah!

Daimon, you look ridiculous!

I didn’t think there could be a worse look than your no-shirt yes-pentagram look but you found it!

Patsy, you look amazing, as always.

Daimon also changed his codename from Son of Satan to just go by his last name Hellstrom with two letters interposed.

NONE WILL SUSPECT THAT HELLSTORM IS SECRETLY HELLSTROM!

No, seriously, that’s his argument. The mask and the new codename are to keep his identity secret while he’s kicking demons in the demon bits.

For some reason, out of all that, its the fact that Patsy is coming along that gives Iron Man pause.

But you know Patsy. She’s not going to take ‘stay home’ for an answer. She’s coming.

So Hellstorm who is definitely not Hellstrom, wink, teleports himself, his wife, and the West Coast Avengers with his little hell trident.

As soon as the heroes are gone, Master Pandemonium very rudely crashes through the window so he can hitchhike on Hellstrom’s teleport trail.

Meanwhile, in Allatou’s own little corner of hell, she has Hank and Greer in a suitably hellish looking prison cell so that she and her demons can point and laugh.

Hank tries to cut a deal to save Greer, promising he’ll help Allatou find Master Pandemonium if she lets Greer go.

But Hank has really misread the room here. Allatou doesn’t want anything to do with Master P. She wants to be as far from him as possible.

Allatou: “He’s a menace to my kind! Like a bull in a China shop, he’s beyond anyone’s control!”

Not even the kind of problem you try to ‘take care of.’ That much of a problem. Even messing with Master Pandemonium is a mess.

Anyway, since Hank got all up in her biz and because Greer was nearby, now its time for them to be tormented.

Which involves Allatou’s demons trying to grab Hank and Greer through the bars and screeching and hooting.

Hank apologizes for getting Greer into this but she replies with “My life had become a living hell anyway!”

This banger of a line inspires Hank to say he loves Greer and she replies in kind that she loves him. So I guess its not all just cat hormones.

So Greer decides to make the sacrifice to save Hank by becoming Tigra once again!

Except nah.

Greer Nelson: “Oh, no -- ! Hank! I always heard that hell is really your worst fear -- and if I can’t turn into Tigra, then not being her must be my worst fear! Deep down inside -- I must want to be Tigra more than I want to be Greer!”

You are making a lot of assumptions, Greer.

Anyway, she doesn’t get a chance to spiral any further because the (West Coast) Avengers show up and start punching demons.

Also, Master Pandemonium shows up and starts demanding to know whether Allatou is one of “The Five.” But not the Krakoa Five. Something stupider.

Hellstorm (secretly Hellstrom) apparently recognizes bird demon Azmodeus as a real jerk and tries to kick his ass.

Leaving Hellcat to fight Master Pandemonium.

I’d criticize Daimon for getting mad at a bird and letting Hellcat deal with a tough customer like Master P on her own but her opening salvo is to grapple claw up to where he’s flying and kick him in the chest.

Honestly, she’s doing better than everyone else.

Sure, Wonder Man is beating up a pile of demons but they’re nameless chumps.

(Also, there’s this really weird moment where Greer is staring at Hellcat in action and Hellcat decides to try her best so she doesn’t look a chump in front of her suit’s original owner.)

But speaking of Wonder Man beating up a pile of demons, Allatou decides that he must be stopped and tries to possess him.

Allatou: “Only one exorcist ever kept me from entering a human host, and the Son of Satan hasn’t been seen for months! I’ll slip inside you -- AARRGHH!”

Wonder Man: “Sorry sweetie -- but I’m not human!”

Guess demons can’t possess ionic energy man.

Also, smh can’t believe that Allatou has fallen for that Hellstorm nonsense.

Master Pandemonium starts cracking up at Allatou being dunked by Wonder Man, to Hellcat’s confusion.

Hellcat, by the way, grappled Master Pandemonium but winds up empty handed when Master P does his thing and shoots his limbs off as demons.

Master Pandemonium’s demons start fighting against Allatou’s crew.

Hellstorm the Hellstrom makes the stupid announcement that while no demons are to be trusted maybe we can trust Master Pandemonium because he’s “partly human.”

Ya dumb, Hellstorm.

Allatou gets tired of all this nonsense and she has homefield advantage.

She sinks into the rock and breaks off the chunk the hell cage and all the heroes and also Master Pandemonium are standing on. And then hucks it into the river.

And the river is not just any river. Its a hell river.

Which Hellstorm the Hellstrom demonstrates by throwing one of Allatou’s demons off the boat where he immediately catches on fire.

This hell river is the River of Death and the boat is the only place where the floor isn’t lava. Even the air off the boat is lava, metaphorically.

The heroes (and also Master Pandemonium) are trapped on the boat until it reaches another shore!

Allatou sure is pleased with herself for what is essentially a delaying tactic though.