#alinapost

this is going to be a very Me post but alina changing, her identity warping into something unrecognizable, and the only familiar part of herself is the girl who loves mal and who she is at her core is that girl and finally getting to choose herself at the end instead of being everything everyone else wants her to be is sooooo bellyconklincoded like belly went to paris and tried to change everything about herself and it’s only when she chooses herself (the girl who loves conrad!!!!) that she finally is Herself and is HAPPY

there will always be that sad insecure girl in alina and instead of choosing to be a queen or a saint she chose to heal that lonely little girl because she saw the world would be without mal, without the one person she felt like she really belonged to and with, and she couldn’t bear it. she wanted to be the girl again, the boy by her side, she wanted more than what the world gave her and she took it. yes at the cost of her powers and she’ll always grieve for it but the grief of that was better than the grief of losing mal

no bc they literally ruined the amplifiers. the way alina kills the sea whip should DIRECTLY parallel the way she kills mal!! in siege and storm, alina hesitates because she doesn't want to kill it and mal comes in with end it, alina. for saints' sake and proceeds to HELP ALINA KILL THE SEA WHIP. in the show she kills the sea whip because it's attacking mal. there's no hesitation in that moment but... for the last amplifier (ignoring the fact that the reveal was so underwhelming), in the book mal parallels the moment in s&s and says this one, let me carry you. end this and HELPS ALINA SHOVE THE KNIFE INTO HIS CHEST!! show malina... well alina tries to do it without killing him and that... is stupid within itself bc there is no other way!! that's the point!!! and then when she accidentally cuts him ... it was so anticlimactic. like yeah mal handed her the knife but where's the tension?? where's the emotional need pouring out of them?? no emotional resonance whatsoever. and the fact that alina used merzost to resurrect him.... her greed WAS SUPPOSED TO END THERE. oh i cannot stand girlboss alina rn this is making me livid

i think what ppl focus on w alina and her powers is that she is enraptured by it. she covets it. she's greedy for it and that they cannot see her without her powers bc they can't see her without her greed... but the entire trilogy is about choosing peace over power. yes she had to be sankta alina, yes she had to fight a war but bc of the war, her powers became so corrupted that it failed her in the end. she saw the consequences of it and CHOSE peace. she chose love. she chose, like that little girl afraid of being alone, mal

aesthetically sankta alina is so sexy. you’ve got a saint who can summon the sun! immaculate! beautiful! blinding!