self-inserts :) I was thinking about how, as someone deeply embedded in a community of plural artists, about how normal artist things (namely self inserts) would work since you inherently share a body- would it be a single plural s/i, or multiple! ofc theres no right answer, and i just wanted to draw everyone in fandoms we're in :)

I GOTTA BE HONEST / I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD TAKE IT / EVERYBODY'S TALKING BUT WHAT'S ANYBODY SAYING ? — R.I.P 2 MY YOUTH | THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.

── . ⚝ ❝ E M B E R A S P E N S I N C L A I R . ❞

𝄞 — xxi | cancer | infj | british(?) oceanian(?) 🪩

appearance ; pale almost porcelain like skin, mole under the right corner of their bottom lip, emerald green eyes with hazel around the iris, 5'11 [180 cm], athletic [or sleeper] build with thinner legs and arms, barely noticeable scars over arms, thighs and back, scars over most of their body, dimples when they smile hard. dimples on their lower back when they stretche. ombre [brown-blonde] hair, jellyfish haircut that grows out quickly, purple/violet highlights for bangs and ends of their hair.

beliefs ; worth is never defined by anything but achievements, and sometimes personality. everything holds value in the universe, whether it's obvious or not. free will is for all. equality should exist in all facets of life.

⋆ ─ life is, absurd, but perhaps some things are hidden by the universe, and all has reason, even if not obvious. ⋆ ─ good and bad can be discernable, always has been, just some times, it's not as easy as it is others.

personality ; gentle, intuitive, vigilant, observant, meticulous, collected, diligent, careful, realist, ingenious.

positive traits ; compassionate, selfless, empathetic, kind, accountable, notices other's emotions & fluctuations in behaviour[s], fast learner.

negative traits ; anxious, bottles up their emotions, skeptic [has trust issues], struggles with boundaries, overworks, cares too hard, thinks they have to always be the one to rely on, can't accept their negative emotions, has unhealthy coping mechanisms, brutally honest sometimes.

quirks ; fidgets all the time | stutters when nervous | bounces from heel to heel when waiting in queues | gets louder and faster when talking about passions | has an oral fixation | tilts their head when they're focusing | taps their foot unconsciously when trying to focus. | tends to go statue still when honing in on senses | gets quieter when worried | tries to act boisterous and confident | bites lip when nervous.

likes ; nature, psychology, sociology, anthropology, freedom of speech, anarchy, deep conversations, late-nights spent with those they care for, real food, biology [many branches of it], history, gardens, aquariums, deers, red pandas, art of living, knowledge, economics, ivan.

dislikes ; arthropods, heights, loud noises, narrow-mindedness, extreme temperatures, snobby aliens or people, arrogance, dishonesty, being under pressure, confrontation, disorganised places, being treated like a slave.

deepest secrets ; wants to one day escape alien stage, wants to be more than just a pawn and slave, wants to be loved, wants to know about their past, wants to save the universe, somehow.

⋆ ─ they want to feel worthwhile, and want to not be perceived as useless in any regards. ⋆ ─ wants ivan and their friends to escape, and live their best lives, even if their life is risked in the process. they don't value it enough.

── . ⚝ ❝ B A C K S T O R Y . ❞

RISING star of anakt garden, ember sinclair is a timid child, they didn't even have a name when they first found themselves at the mellow anakt garden quarters, something he didn't know were quarters then. at their young age, they learnt to be perfect for the aliens, they didn't know anyone, anything even. they didn't even know if she had a name. they were too scared to talk to the other... humans? were they even human? was he human?

she spent most of their first few months with the caretaker aliens, and they thought they owed their body to them, including their voice. so they trained, all they did was train, trained their voice to be everything. to sound naturally like a man, or woman, or anything in between.

until the time they turned six, they did not know if they had a name, they just had a title, and a code name, but then they named themselves ember, they might not know how to talk to someone, but they know their last name and how to sing. and that's enough, because they've been told they'll wow the world. when they go on that stage.

when they have lunch, they watch the other humans, talking to each other, and one day, he notices a kid, a young boy, sitting alone, staring at another kid. they don't know what to think but she feels like he gets them. much to their luck, the next task they had to complete was a group thing, and it was... nice? was it? they make origami shapes! they decided to make a purple paper heart with their name on it for the kid they'd seen earlier.

when they went to hand it over to them, they learnt that his name was ivan. he was hesitant, but he accepted it. and then they notice the crumpled paper sitting on his table, they smile at him, ask him if he needs any help. he refuses, but they know better. they've seen the aliens, and the way they talk about humans, humans tend to be like that, they say.

so, ember makes it their goal to befriend him. which they do, succesfully. one good thing from being with the aliens! ivan's more reserved than they'd thought, but it's okay, he's their friend! he likes them, that's more than enough. they never found it easy to sleep, but back in the day, they'd spend it awake, overthinking.

now they have, ivan. timing is divine, he knows every time they get too antsy, and he knows exactly what to do, it's like he's what they've been missing for so long. it's like he's what's going to piece them back together. they find solace through their adolescence and teenage years in him, and they think he finds it in them too. he who devotes his time to them.

── . ⚝ ❝ C U R R E N T . ❞

STAR of the show, that's what they're called. ember has made their name in alien stage, and despite what the misinformed aliens might think, it's not the heavenly life they think it is. every day, they watch someone they cared for die. every day, murder happens in front of their eyes, and quite frankly; for nothing.

they don't fear for their life anymore, they don't know why they sing with vigour, is it because they don't want the years of practice to go to waste? or is it because of ivan?

they don't care to know. one day, they expect to be at the receiving end of a gunshot, they think that one day, if there is a god out there, they will meet... them? him? her? they hope for that, but they don't tell him. he wouldn't like it, would he?

every year since they started alien stage, they have won, but it never brought upon any satisfaction, only immense guilt, and the need to repay for their lesser sins (most of which were not their doing). it's always the maybes, the they shouldn't have sang with that much power, they shouldn't have wanted to live. the thoughts never end.

until one day, their friend hyuna, proposes an idea to them. one which they agreed to far too quickly. even though it risked their life. they agreed. and from that day onwards, they were called cipher. they became an inside spy for hyuna. who escaped.

and for once, ember felt useful. and when they'd told ivan, if they said he was worried, it would be an understatement. he was never the type to be livid, but that day, he was close to being so.

yet, he didn't stop them. did he perhaps want this too? perhaps he wanted to leave too. ember would never mind leaving with him, he never wanted to stay here anyway. so, one faithful night, after just another time they'd won alien stage, they sat with ivan.

they asked him, and lucky for them, he agreed. he told them he wanted them to live life to the fullest. that he was so sorry they had to deal with that. and then he broke the news to them, that next year, he would join alien stage too. he said join, but ember knew he was forced. there were never choices in a place like this.

ember made it their goal this time, to not befriend him, but save him. even if their life was risked in the process. they never valued it enough, anyway. but he said that if he left, he'd take them with him, he promised that.

but were promises ever kept at alien stage anyway? they supposed they'd have to find out. so, they kept on their cipher guise for hyuna while playing the perfect pawn for the aliens, and did they feel like their strings were about to snap.

any day they would go into overdrive, or their wooden joints would bear a crack and it would all come crashing down, they feared for the day, they truly did. how could they not?

especially with his life at stake, what could they do? what would they do? all they knew was that they would be the first person to fulfill their promise, to both ivan, and to hyuna. they would save whoever they could from this cruel fate, and they would bring forth his freedom. no matter the stakes.

for him, for themselves. they had to do it. and they would.

a promise was made, and it would be kept. it would be fulfilled. they hope that they are strong, that if there is a god out there, help would come their way, for these poor souls. they had a bit of hope left, even if it was dwindling more by the day. all the hacking, all the hopeful late night conversations.

they had to lead somewhere. they better.

── . ⚝ appears in sailor song [wip]

★ ; finally introducing my alien stage s/i. after watching round seven, or the final, or WHATEVER. i have the motivation. i am grieving. and if you're wondering what's with the gender, me too. me too, chat. i don't know what's going on either, take a guess. they probably spin a wheel and choose /j i hope you love them, anyway.

ch4rryc0smos © 2024