#alhya's words

ev'r since finding out we're a system we've been trapped in a loop of horror

err.who_am_i?

is it now, that we understand we're fragmented, that we have changed? or has nothing changed, deep down, since we were already this without finding out? how fragmented are {we}?

err.missing_memories

what happened in our childhood? i only have a handful of scattered memories, less than it takes the fingers of one hand to count. was it a lot worse than {we} remember? what is that curtain of amnesia hiding? im scared

err.identity

circling back to the first, {we} always prided ourselves in having an expansive personality. even if we were so multi-faceted, we stood united, one single person.

but now, we feel like a card tower, scattering with the slightest breeze, falling apart into fragments we can't count.

err.query_evil?

i love someone, but they've hurt me. before, i could take it, i could support myself and them like a pillar. but now, {we} can't stand strong like we did before. not when we're spiraling every other two switches.

i tried cutting it off, but they begged me to stay. i love them, so i conceded. but even when the established time runs out, will i want to go back?

ive considered dissapearing. wiping the slate clean. {we've} done it multiple times before. but I'd like to think {we've} grown. we like what we've built. it would be too cruel for us to leave without a trace.

err.ghost

ive been very quiet for so long, reblogging things here without realizing anyone would care or recognize me, besides old moots from when we first joined tumblr.

each time i get a notification for a new follower, i always think they followed us by mistake, or maybe they just like what i reblog. same with likes. it's not our posts, so, these notifications are not for me. i am but a silent conductor behind the scenes, giving the spotlight to others.

i just reblog stuff i like, or that i agree with, or that i feel will help others. my morals — {our} morals — are kind of scattered, and a bit inconsistent. but sometimes i add a comment i think is of value to others. i don't expect to be recognized or remembered, as long as those words help others.

Him: I'm okay with the LGBTQ... it's just the far-fetched ones that I'm not okay with; all those weirdos who harm kids-

Me: *whimpers* no, no... Don't you see, these are lies from those who want to take them down? Here, let me show you...

Imagine colors. There are many, each one different, and have their own shades.

There'll be some who hate colors. They'll say only black and white are valid- anything else is a lie. They'll try to convince others colors are evil, so that they may have only B and W.

Black and white are good, but they're not the only colors to exist, understand?

Now, there'll be others who recognize there is more than black and white- they may say, "there's also grey", or, "primary colors exist". This isn't wrong, but it lacks to show how many colors there can be. It's simple, and understandable, but also lackluster.

But then, there are people who see there are more than only a few colors- there is a whole spectrum, each color having lots of shades and variations. This is complicated, but it can also be strikingly beautiful if you can understand it. Knowing and accepting others see colors we cannot is okay; because we have different ways to see the world.

Now, tell me. *Shows him what he identifies as, just didn't know the name*. Does this seem evil to you?

Him: Wait... That exists?

Me: Well, of course. It's not a game or a joke like others make it seem- it's just humans, trying to understand themselves, and naming what they discover. Isn't that how it's always been?

Him: Maybe... you should teach me a bit more about this, when we meet.

Me: There's no rush. I still don't fully understand most of this. The only thing I'm sure about is that everyone's human- and they deserve equal respect and love, regardless of what they identify as. We are none to dictate what they can and cannot be.

shoved into the frozen lake shattering the surface, breaking my bones blood spills out, on the depths i am lost sunken into the cold embrace of death

slowly fading into the depths open wounds leaking, liquid red staining the water ice cold liquid filled my lungs in my last breaths and i cried, reminded of the slaughter

the useless, heartless killing of poor souls seeking for refuge and warmth mere humans wanting to understand their feelings yet deceived, they were swiped by hatred pushed forth

by those few who promised they would change the world by the ones who claimed they knew the difference between right and wrong by those who we trusted to protect our broken souls but instead, they came and poisoned our thoughts

we are alone. we are to die. worthless existence, mere trash for others to walk on traumatized, unspoken horrors engraved on our eyes reflecting the unspilled tears of abuse, pulling our strings apart until we cry