I know I play this story all the time. And I know I'm going through a lot of personal shit with my layoff and not getting jobs I'm more than qualified for and imposter syndrome and depression and anxiety. But I was in front of my laptop crying like I was Ilya in that hotel room. Don't ask me why.
A roleplayer: We didn’t even kiss. SH
A roleplayer: We did earlier.-IR
A roleplayer: In the bathroom, once. We usually do it more. SH […] Sorry, I know this is pathetic. SH
A roleplayer: You did not kiss me.-IR
A roleplayer: […] I wanted to. You just seemed…I don’t know. Angry, or something. SH Are you okay? SH
A roleplayer: Not angry. Did I hurt you?-IR
A roleplayer: No. No, it was a little rough, but…obviously I still enjoyed myself. SH It just felt really different from last time. Don’t you think? SH
A roleplayer: Yes.-IR
A roleplayer: Glad it’s not just me, at least. SH Last time was really good. Like, really, really incredible. For me, at least. I I kinda hoped it would feel like that again. SH
A roleplayer: It was not good for you?-IR
A roleplayer: That was not my intention. I am sorry, Hollander.-IR
A roleplayer: I…I don’t know, it wasn’t bad, I felt good, it was just…the after, I guess. Like you didn’t even want me there. SH And this is just supposed to be casual, I get that. I’m not supposed to hang around and cuddle. You don’t have to apologize for that. I don’t even know why I’m feeling like this. SH
A roleplayer: Yes, casual. Just sex. Not kissing keeps it casual. I am sorry I was harsh with you.-IR
A roleplayer: […] Was it on purpose, then? The not kissing? SH
A roleplayer: [delayed] Yes.-IR
A roleplayer: Oh. SH So you don’t want to kiss anymore? At all? SH
A roleplayer: It is complicated.-IR
A roleplayer: Is it? It’s a yes or no question. SH
A roleplayer: No it is not want I want.-IR
A roleplayer: Okay. It’s not what I want either. SH So…why did you decide not to? SH
A roleplayer: Thought it would be easier.-IR
A roleplayer: Thought what would be easier? Fucking me? SH
A roleplayer: Yes. And letting you leave.-IR
A roleplayer: […] Letting me? SH
A roleplayer: Yes. Casual, remember?-IR
A roleplayer: Yeah, but. I guess I didn’t realize that part was hard for you. SH You do this all the time. SH
A roleplayer: Yes, Russian whore does this all the time. Nothing surprising.-IR
A roleplayer: I wasn’t— I was more meaning that as an insult to me, actually. I thought it was just hard for me because I don’t get out and meet people like that. Like I’m…too sensitive, or something. SH
A roleplayer: Yes, it is hard for me. Has been hard for a while.-IR
A roleplayer: […] I’m glad that’s not just me, too. SH
A roleplayer: It should not be hard for us.-IR
A roleplayer: (brb)
A roleplayer: No. It shouldn’t. SH I…I don’t know what the fuck to do. SH I just know it felt like shit, leaving just now. You haven’t been acting okay since the Olympics. SH
A roleplayer: I am sorry about the Olympics.-IR I told you it is complicated.-IR
A roleplayer: You don’t have to apologize for that. I still want the same thing I wanted then, just to make sure you’re alright. SH I could maybe understand. If you explain it to me. SH
A roleplayer: Ok..-
A roleplayer: iR*
A roleplayer: It is family bullshit.-IR
A roleplayer: I remember you saying you weren’t even sure if your brother was going to come watch you in the Olympics. Doesn’t seem like they’re super supportive. SH
A roleplayer: It is being a failed captain-IR They do not care unless I win or I give them money.-IR
A roleplayer: You’re not a failed captain. A team thrown together that barely even got time to practice played one bad game. Clearly you know how to captain, the Raiders are evidence of that. SH Fuck…that’s awful. SH
A roleplayer: All excuses, Ilya. I what Papa says.-IR I wanted to see you in Sochi.-IR
A roleplayer: *is what
A roleplayer: If he doesn’t care about you unless you’re winning trophies, why do you trust his judgement? SH I wanted to see you too. I know it wasn’t safe. I hate thinking about you being there every summer…why do you even go back? SH
A roleplayer: That is what I am good for...winning. Not disappointing the entire fucking country. Not being lazy.-IR It was very stupid to come up and see me.-IR
A roleplayer: Papa is sick.-IR
A roleplayer: He won't admit it but he's getting worse.-IR
A roleplayer: Those sound like his words. Not words from the guy who kicks my ass in hockey every other game. SH I know. But I saw you up there and…I don’t know. It was dumb. SH Oh…I’m sorry, that must be hard. To be so far away from him. And to watch that happen to your dad, even if he’s not the greatest. SH
A roleplayer: My father is not a nice person. I have to pay Alexei to take care of him when I am not there.-IR [delayed] It is also you.-IR
A roleplayer: Alexei is your brother, I’m guessing. SH Me? SH
A roleplayer: Yes, sorry. He is my brother.-IR
A roleplayer: You. This was supposed to be casual. Then you went and...everything is different with you.-IR
A roleplayer: […] Different enough that you feel like you shouldn’t kiss me. SH I thought, maybe…last time, I felt something. I mean, I always feel something with you, but that was the first time I thought…maybe you feel it back, a little. SH You took such good care of me. SH
A roleplayer: That is the problem.-IR
A roleplayer: I do not have to...try with you. You do not care about my money or what I can do for you. I don't have to...worry about what I wear or try to soften my words.-IR
A roleplayer: All I want to do is take care of you, but I should not.-IR
A roleplayer: That’s how I feel around you, too. Like I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. You meet me where I’m at. I swear you can read my mind sometimes, or…like you can really see me, better than people I spend every day with. SH And I shouldn’t like it so much. But…here we are. SH God, we’re really fucked, aren’t we? SH
A roleplayer: Yes. We are. I have tried to..end things before.-IR
A roleplayer: Me too. Or, I planned to try, and then I saw you again and just…gave up immediately. SH Was Sochi one of those times? SH
A roleplayer: I thought being mean would help.-IR I thought not talking to you would help.-IR I thought I could stay in that fucking chair tonight and not touch you.-IR
A roleplayer: Ilya… SH I’m glad you didn’t. I would’ve…I don’t know if I could keep doing this at all, if I couldn’t be close to you like that. I hate that it’s my favorite part, every time we’re together. Kissing you, feeling you against me. SH
A roleplayer: I am sorry.-IR
A roleplayer: Going home always...messes with my head.-IR
A roleplayer: I should not take it out on you.-IR
A roleplayer: I’ve noticed. Last time we were in Vegas, too. I was too drunk to realize what you were actually trying to tell me until after. And I left you on that rooftop. SH I’m sorry, too. For…making this difficult, in any way. SH I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now. We can’t…even if we both want it, we can’t do anything about it. SH
A roleplayer: I know.-IR
A roleplayer: And it hurts.-IR
A roleplayer: Yeah. It does. SH […] Can I come back tonight? Even just for a little bit. I know we both have to leave early. SH Just don’t want to leave things how we did. Won’t get to see you again for months. SH
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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edit: forgot to plug my strawpage... SEND REQUESTS OR DOODLES OR WTV PLS IT WOULD MAKE MY DAY ❤️🩹❤️🩹
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨Basic୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
୨୧|| Call me Shizuka or Alexis!! <3
୨୧|| MINOR!!!!
୨୧|| ENFP
୨୧|| 🇵🇪
୨୧|| bday 6/14 ^^
୨୧|| ext.bio at freaksterland.straw.page
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨Fandoms୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
♡||main fandoms:
• Hetalia
• Bungo Stray Dogs
•Blue Lock
♡|| other:
Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun, Twisted Wonderland, FNAF/DSAF, Vanitas no Carte, Moriarty the Patriot, SHY, Chainsaw Man, Death Note, Ouran High School Host Club, Alien Stage, Gachiakuta, Saiki k, Danganronpa, and others I prolly forgot!!
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨Kins, Yumes, and OCs୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
♡|| Kins:
~From Blue Lock
•Alexis Ness (fiction kin)
•Mikage Reo
~From Hetalia
•Italy Veneziano
•America
~From Bungo Stray Dogs
•Dazai Osamu (ADA)
•Ranpo Edogawa
•Chuuya Nakahara
•Nikolai Gogol
~From The Amazing Digital Circus
•Caine
♡|| Yumes:
• Alexis Ness (non-sharing)
•Rin Itoshi (selective sharing)
•Meguru Bachira (selective sharing)
•Italy Romano (selective sharing)
•England (selective sharing)
•Prussia (non-sharing)
•Zanka Nijiku (selective sharing)
•Riyo Reaper (non-sharing)
•Astolfo Granatum (doubles interact!)
♡|| OCs:
For BSD:
•Emily Dickinson
•Jane Austen
For Hetalia:
•Peru
For Blue Lock:
•Ichiro Tsumaki
•Graciela Moreano
•Mikhaila d'Bachieller
For Gachiakuta:
•Satsuki Kimoya
For VNC:
•Julliette de Lorraine
Misc:
•Leena
•Barry (she's a girl)
Others I'm redesigning lol
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨DNI୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
-usuk/spamano/caname/franada/incest shippers
-kiis shippers are fine js don't mention the ship pls...
-darkshippers
-radqueers
-MAPs and zoos
-RCTA 😂✌️
-ragebaiters (go do something more productive with your time than spreading hatred online. Pathetic.)
-vivziepop/mha fans (most of y'all pmo, not all tho. My discretion tho)
-politics...i don't get very political unless it's serious because I word things really badly and I'm scared of getting clipped 💔
-ai "artists"
-if u know me IRL (FEW exceptions, except none of my friends have tumblr except one person)
Maedhros built up a high pain resistance from Angband; particularly to the burning sensation. Considering how low he thinks of himself, it’s likely he expected the Silmaril to burn him. He didn’t think he was redemptive, he thought I can take it.
Part of why Maedhros acts so viciously is because that’s how life treated him. I can take it if my brothers die. I can take it if I’m damned for eternity. I can take it if everybody thinks I’m a monster.
He’s proud, and he’s suffering. He won’t back down, he will succeed or be martyred.
Please vote against the culling of Net Neutrality. If it passes, I, as an Australian, will undoubtedly lose contact with a vast number of the people I hold so near and dear to me. My seemingly large pool of friends that I desperately need to continue in my wretched existence will vanish before my eyes, and I will more than likely never see them again. I’m terrified that companies are willing to pick up an axe and chop away at a basic, fundamental human right for the petty sake of money and control they do not need, until nought remains of the once-free Internet. The death of Net Neutrality is the neutering of the internet’s core existence, the proverbial castration of its conception. Keep the internet free. And bless all of you if we fail.
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i can't believe this has to be said again DON'T FETISHIZE GAY MEN YOU DISGUSTING SHIT WE ARE NOT YOUR "SIN", "GUILTY PLEASURE" OR YOUR "SMOL SINFUL BEANS" SHUT UP AND DIE ALREADY thanks
Actually, the second and third kinslayings cannot rightfully be called unjust. In both cases the victims were presented with morally affirmed terms and had no justifiable reason to refuse: yet they did.
Who is to say all the victims were innocent? Who among them attempted to return the silmaril to its rightful owners? Is every bystander not somehow guilty of retaining the jewel?
I hate the apotheosis — literal — of Elwing, when she was not technically justified in her decisions. Am I saying it was okay, what Maedhros and his brothers did? No. But I’m not saying it was right what the people of Sirion did, either.
