#alex update

Hi, hello TSAMS fandom.

As some of you may know, i haven't exactly been interacting with the fandom for a while outside of liking and reblogging. I haven't been yapping, or writing, or drawing TSAMS content.

The main reason for this was MHA grabbed me by the fucking throat and next thing I know I have spent 7 months doing nothing but writing fics that I'm still too lazy to edit most of them (and I mean it when I say that is all I have been doing my ass hasn't been doing art).

So like if ur also in the MHA fandom then joy and whimsy, especially if ur one of my readers, you'd probably like some of the shit my brain has come up with.

I did stop watching the shows, I'm not going to go back to watching the shows. My days of taking apart the ongoing lore are over. The reason for this? There was a lot of stress going on around the Nexus arc, that's when I was getting harassed, when I was dealing with my first big internet drama, and then I never really got a break from that. I made some stupid interpersonal relationship decisions during that time, got in a lot of relationships that weren't exactly healthy for me, said a lot of dumb shit in private, and just generally went through my evil arc (tm).

I'm no longer in my evil arc, I've got a lot more self respect than I did, I know I would constantly make jokes, in private, in public, on my blog and threaded into my content about my self worth that weren't exactly awesome. I kinda had the crash out of the year though and now we're big chilling again.

Now, I'm going to reiterate. I don't watch the shows anymore. I do not intend to go back to watching the shows. I am NOT leaving the fandom. I just needed a really big fucking break to find my spark again, to disconnect my ties to some of the cowriters I was working with (that's not a statement about them as people, although I'll refrain from a public opinion on how they treated me as a person). I do have permission from both writers to finish the fics on my own (obviously Turbo left it in our fic via chapter upload that she was going to hand over writing to me, and then yesterday Ellery and I talked about creative rights and he also gave me permission to finish the single one we had started on my own, so I'll probably drop what we had done later today and then I'll work on it on my own going forward.)

TL;DR for that paragraph, I have the creative perms over the fics I started with other people, and I will be working on them again.

Anyways, I'm also going to keep making art for my AUs and such. I thought about selling my original designs for the cast for a while, and I still might for the characters I don't really have any plans for in fics and such (I'm lame and I don't care about the canon aus that much), specifically EAPS Sun and Moon that I did. But past that I'm going to keep making content of my TSAMS designs.

Also, I stole the cast and brought them to MHA and they turned into my fuck ass MHA ocs oops. You would not recognize them anymore pensive emote.

I still love TSAMS, I love the TSAMS cast, I love the fandom. I'm just not going to be making any content that includes canon lore past the Nexus arc when he died, because that's all I've seen.

Me, flipping tables and screeching: wHaT aRe YoU dOiNg

He's been dying for a long time, actually.

But this is going to be his last night with us.

I haven't been very active due to depression and work. This is probably going to just make it worse. I don't know. I felt the need to tell. Someone. And I don't want to tell anyone that's going to try to get me to talk about my feelings, or any shit like that. I'm upset. I'm hurting because of it. That's my feelings.

He is as old as I am adopted. He was just a baby when I got adopted, and for the longest time I could tell you how old he was by the number of years I have lived with my family. He's going on 14 years now and he's screaming in pain on towels in my living room because it's too late in the evening to call for an in-home euthanasia, and he can't move. He has cancer, probably. Or some kind of infection. Or both, we aren't too sure.

I know that it's good that he's going to be able to pass on, and be out of pain. His quality of life has taken a severe down turn this month and it's time to let him go. It's hard, it's hard to think about. To fathom that this loving animal that has been here my whole life is going to be gone tomorrow. And I'm going to have the day off. And then I have to go back to work on Thursday.