[Transcript under the cut]
Max: Billie Billie: shhh Michel Cera is about to say he’s gotta pee on her Michael Cera: I gotta pee on her Billie: aahaha! Max: I suggested Scott Pilgrim once and now it’s all we watch Billie: you should’ve suggested something less good then Billie: oh this reminds me! What did Elsa say that left you so emotionally distraught the other night Max: …how did ‘’I gotta pee on her’’ lead to that Max: sigh She made an excel sheet to help me pick a guy to date. Because she thinks that’s what I should do instead of whatever I’m doing right now Billie: oh my gosh Max: I know, she’s sick Billie: she’s a GENIUS! Max: what Billie: Max! you NEED to get a boyfriend! Max: I said DATES I- Is it that bad to prefer one night stands?? Billie: it’s not about the one night stands, it’s about you! Max: that makes it even worse. Billie: I mean, there has to be a reason you don’t contact those guys after fucking around, right? Right?? Do you GET it!!! Max: …I’m not letting an e-dater question my love life?? Billie: I’m just saying, Max! if I was you I would totally think about it. and do it. Because it could help me out. Just go on some dates and experience something different from what you’re used to Michel Cera: You once were a ve-gone, but now you will begone. Max: christ.
Ale: Maximiliano! I was just wondering ''what could that gorgeous little imp be up to tonight'' so WHAT have you been up to?! Ale: it’s rhetoric, I really don’t wanna know haha! Max: hey uh… yeah, it’s been a while. Sorry about that. I swear I really wanted to text you Ale: you don’t say Max: I’m trying to be honest you moron Ale: ooh. oh. can we leave it for some other time? Over some brunch maybe? My girlfriend is here Max: excuse me Jackie: hi Max! I’m Jackie. Big fan! Ale: she means that Max: I’m sorry when did you get one of those? Jackie: he’s so funny Ale: like a week ago. Ain’t she adorable? Max: oh yes she’s a sweetie. Totes. Ale: i think you two would adore each other, for real Ale: anyways! What have you been up to? Hangin’ there?
Billie: he’s with child Max: he’s with WOMAN Max: how- WHY didn’t he tell me?! We were JUST seeing each other a a couple months ago Billie: BABE babe calm down. Why did you call him anyways? Max: because he was head first on Elsa’s sheet, now I’ll need to phone this OTHER dickhead that meets most of my standards and I kinda have a thing for. Stupid fucking Jackie I hope you die Billie: hey… let’s detox. Take my word, no more men for the rest of the week. Max: no more men. You. Billie: If there’s something I love more than Pierce, is my hunger for sistership Max: you know I’m not a woman right Billie: No boys, only us. And Michael Cera. Max: … Billie: trust me, I’m your girl.
