#hom

Guess who almost forgot it was post day? *coughs* Not I. Nope.

Let’s start with the main ship! (I can't promise I make logical sense lmao). 

For context, I’m a bit of a ship hopper when writing. I tend to come up with a story or mood first, then see which personalities fit after. It’s very “what works best where and with who” energy 😭

So, it started when I became fascinated by Heeseung’s duality between his stage persona and his off-stage personality. What do you mean this guy can go from intense eye contact + smirks to laughing shyly with his face in his hands, in the span of a few hours?? 

You could say I… really enjoy things like that (understatement). 

The reason I chose Jake? It’s more abstract. It had to do with the feeling I associate with him in general; I felt as if he could carry the main story I wanted to tell as well as the vibe. It’s a very moody feeling, and for whatever reason, all this together made purple (in my head). Hence the purple mood board. My mind is a little interesting, I suppose. This is a common occurrence for all my ENHA fics (or fics in general). 

What inspired this fic in the first place? 

To backtrack, this whole idea came from me listening to the slowed version of Strawberries and Cigarettes and lowkey feeling it in my veins (yes, i am dramatic). That song hurts me, but like a toothache from eating too much candy? Does anyone get what I mean? 

I was chilling, listening to the song and thought “this has to be heejake” all of a sudden. (Didn’t know their exact roles yet.) 

I’ve been wanting to write a fic using this song as a loose base for years, like since I was fifteen or so. It has gone through many ship ideas, many fandoms, many different stages in my life. In the end, it seemed to stay with Heejake. A miracle, really lol.

Concepts I messed with, etc: 

Random, but I knew from the get-go I wanted Heeseung to smoke. Originally, the story was going to have a strong theme of religion, where Jake was being controlled by his family through religious abuse. And also touch more on internalized homophobia. 

However, I cut the religious part and went a bit more general. Won’t go into too much detail (no spoilers, heh). May revisit religion as a theme in another story, tho. 

To put all this into perspective, I planned the beginnings of this fic in the “message yourself” section of whatsapp—until I eventually confused myself to death, and made an entire doc just for the plan. It’s like, 50k words of me rambling and tracking character arcs like a mad scientist. I’m not even joking 😹

Second chapter up :D

So, chapter 1 out 💜👀