#aledispleasedonotfeed

“Why do you stay with me?” Ash demands. He’s crying, and lashing out, and Eiji feels the response in his chest.

“Because I love you,” Eiji replies simply. “It is not so complicated.”

But Ash just sobs harder. “I’m so messed up ... God Eiji, I’m so fucked up ...”

“I don’t think of you that way.” Eiji sighs, moving to sit next to Ash on the bed. The nightmares have been bad recently, and it’s getting to Ash. “I just think of you as my love.”

“You shouldn’t,” Ash whispers. “You fucking shouldn’t. It’s only—only a matter of time before you realize, and—leave me, or—”

“I will not. I would never.”

“You will!” Ash insists. “There’s so much wrong with me ...”

“Sweetheart ...”

“I hate myself.” Ash is back to whispering now. “I’m not good enough for you. I hate everything about myself. Every single fucking thing.”

“I don’t,” Eiji says gently. “In fact, I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

Ash looks up from his lap, evidently surprised. “There’s so much that needs changing though. So, so much that’s—so fucked up—”

“I love you already, just as you are. And if there are things that you want to change about yourself, I will support you however I can. But you don’t need to change for me. I love you as you are now, and I will love you how you will be tomorrow, and I will love you however you will be fifty years from now. I love you now and forever, and you don’t need to do anything to earn that love.”

Ash scoffs, sobs subsiding now. “That’s stupid. Obviously I need to earn it. I don’t deserve it otherwise.”

“You do,” Eiji says, insistent but soft. “I’m sorry that you do not think so.”

“I’m sorry that you do think so,” Ash counters. “I’m sorry that I’ve fucking tricked you into loving me. Just another thing about me that’s fucked up.”

Eiji bumps their knees together from where the two of them are sitting on the bed. “You have not tricked me. Do you not trust me enough to know when I’m being fooled?”

Ash looks over at Eiji. “That’s not what I mean. Just that—”

“And you cannot trick someone unintentionally. That’s not how it works.”

Ash growls, but it reminds Eiji more of a kitten than a lynx. “I don’t like this conversation.”

Eiji grins. “It is because you know I’m right, but you don’t want to admit it.”

Pouting, Ash crosses his arms, then bumps his shoulder into Eiji’s. “That’s not why.”

“Is too.”

“Eiji!” Ash whines.

“Yes, love?”

“Ugh. Stop that.”

“Stop what, love?”

“Oh my god,” Ash whispers under his breath. But he’s hiding a smile, and Eiji knows he’s enjoying the bickering at heart. He leans his head against Ash’s shoulder.

“Are you ready to go back to sleep?”

Ash hesitates.

“We don’t have to,” Eiji clarifies.

“No, it ... it’s okay. I don’t want to keep you up.”

Eiji frowns. “I am not sleeping unless you do.”

Ash leans his head against Eiji, then whispers, “Can we stay up then? And play a board game or something?”

Smiling, Eiji responds, “Of course, love. We can do whatever you want, love.”

Ash groans. “‘Love.’ You fucking jerk.” But he’s smiling too, and his tears have dried.

17. tugging on the bottom of someone’s shirt

Mmmm... Ash is cozy.

He’s sleepy, warm and comfortable, and someone is stroking his hair. That feels really nice, and soothing, and kind. He likes when people are kind when they touch him, and this is the kindest touch he’s gotten since Griff. He’s cozy. Half asleep, even, melted and warm and content, mm...

“Holy shit,” someone says.

“Dude! Shh! Don’t wake him up!” someone else whispers back, frantic. 

Ash ignores both voices in favor of snuggling into whatever soft thing is in front of him. It’s warm, and it has the bonus that if his face is tucked into it, there’s less light on his eyes to bother him.

“But he said to report--”

“It can wait! It’s not urgent!” 

The hand stroking his hair stops, and Ash lets out a little whine of protest, wanting it back. He’s lying in a patch of warm, cozy sun, and he’s sleepy, and he wants hair pets, and... and if it’s not urgent, whoever is talking can shut the fuck up, right?

“Here,” a new voice says, one that makes Ash smile and nuzzle in close again, instead of throwing something at whoever was talking. “Write whatever you need to tell him in this note on my phone, okay? I will tell him when he wakes up.”

“You’re a saint, Eiji,” the first voice whispers. 

Eiji. Right. Ash loves Eiji. Eiji pets his hair very good. He pats around sleepily until he finds Eiji’s shirt, tugging on it plaintively to get his attention without opening his eyes.

“Mm?” Eiji laughs softly. “What is it, dear?”

Eiji called him dear? That’s nice. Ash likes that. He preens a little, sleepy and pleased, and then tries to find Eiji’s hand, to pull it back into his hair. He ends up more just patting at Eiji’s chest and shoulder, but Eiji seems to get the message; he laughs again, and then his fingers thread into Ash’s hair again.

“There,” he says, and Ash can hear a smile in his voice. “Now you sleep, okay?”

Yes. Ash wants to sleep.

“Thank you for our lives,” the second voice from earlier whispers, and irately, Ash grabs the nearest cushion and chucks it without opening his eyes. He’s rewarded with a thump and an oh, fuck!, and he snuggles right back into Eiji’s stomach again, smiling.

Ash gets back to the bar to find the guys all drunk out of their minds.

“Alex!” Ash barks into the sea of people.

Alex faithfully appears out of the crowd. “Yes, Boss?”

“Where the fuck is Eiji?”

“Uh ...” Alex glances around. “Somewhere?” he responds.

“Wrong answer,” Ash says, pushing his way past Alex and the others to get to the back of the bar.

Thankfully Eiji is there, and—less thankfully—he’s very drunk.

“Ash!” Eiji declares.

Ash rolls his eyes, but he can’t help a smile, even in front of the gang. “Hello, Eiji.”

“Ash, did you know that—” Eiji cuts off, eyes widening. “I’m drunk,” he finishes.

Ash’s eyes narrow. “Yes, I can tell. That’s not what you were going to say though, is it?”

Eiji bites his lip and looks away. His face is a little flushed, and—god, he’s cute. Ash looks away now.

“Sorry, Boss,” Bones says, stepping out of the group. “He wanted a drink, and you know none of us can ever turn him down. We didn’t know he was such a lightweight though.”

Ash raises an eyebrow. “He’s probably barely had a drink before in his life. It really didn’t occur to you that this fucking kid would be a lightweight?”

“Sorry, Boss,” Bones repeats. He’s clearly drunk too, so Ash will give him some leeway. After all, deep down Ash might feel bad for knocking his teeth out that one time. Whoops.

“You’ve all been keeping an eye on him?” Ash confirms.

“Yeah!” Bones confirms.

Kong appears now. “We take good care of him, Boss, you know. He’s, uh—he’s a talkative drunk though.”

“A ... talkative drunk?” Ash looks back over to Eiji, who seems flushed beyond just the alcohol now.

“I didn’t mean any of it!” he says quickly. “I was just ... oh no.” He brings his hands up to cover his face.

“What was he talking about?” Ash asks, throwing a threatening look at Bones and Kong.

Bones squeaks. “I really don’t think he’d want us to say ...”

Ash’s first instinct is to threaten the gang unless they tell him, but ... if Eiji really doesn’t want him to know ...

“Eiji?” he asks. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

Eiji looks up at Ash with tears in his eyes, and there’s a distinct pang in Ash’s chest. A feeling reserved for Eiji alone.

“I’m sorry!” Eiji cries. “I just told them all that I love you and how much I love you and that I love you and that I want to marry you, but we don’t have to, Ash! I didn’t mean it, I just was rambling because did you know that alcohol actually tastes good if you do it right?”

Bones snorts, and Kong brings a hand up to cover his mouth. Ash just raises an eyebrow for a second before he bursts into laughter.

“Eiji,” he manages, barely. Laughing too fucking hard. “Eiji, you’re a forgetful drunk?”

“What do you mean?” Eiji whines. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

“I sure hope you meant it,” Ash says, grinning. Oh god, this is hilarious. “Otherwise I’ll have to give this back.” He holds up his left hand, showing off the ring.

Eiji’s eyes widen, and he looks down at his own hand with the matching band. His mouth drops open, and then he throws himself at Ash, wrapping his arms around behind Ash’s neck.

“Oh, Ash! You love me too?”

Still laughing, Ash wipes away a tear from his eyes. Fucking hell. He hasn’t had a laughing fit like this as far back as he can remember.

“I sure do, sweetheart,” he promises. “I love you so much.” He wraps his arms around Eiji’s waist, holding him close.

“Sorry, Boss,” Kong says. “We didn’t know he’d be like this.”

“How drunk did you get him?” Ash asks, but he can’t be intimidating when he’s laughing this hard.

Bones shrugs, and he and Kong quickly disappear back into the crowd.

“Oh, Ash,” Eiji says again. “I can’t believe you love me too!”

Eiji’s not even laughing, taking this completely seriously.

"They both woke up in the middle of the night because of nightmares and they can't go to sleep again, so they start playing silly games to feel better. And then oh no It's like 6 a.m and they're still at it "

When Eiji wakes up from his nightmare, Ash is already awake and shaking. Eiji reaches out a hand toward him, but Ash flinches away before looking over.

“God. Fuck. Eiji. I’m sorry.”

Eiji shakes his head.

“Did I wake you?” Ash asks.

“No, I—I just woke up anyway.”

There’s a pause before Ash calls him out. “You had a nightmare too, huh?”

“... Yeah,” Eiji admits. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. Like you always tell me, right?”

Eiji breathes out a laugh. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“Come here,” Ash says, opening an arm to Eiji.

“Are you sure?”

“’Course. It’s you.”

So Eiji moves into Ash’s arms, practically climbing into his lap. Ash wraps an arm around him, then tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. “You wanna try to head back to sleep?” he asks.

But Eiji shakes his head. “I don’t—think I can. Sorry. But you can if you want.”

“Nah. Same here, honestly. And I don’t want to leave you alone anyway.”

Oh. That already makes Eiji feel a little better.

“Mario Kart?” Ash asks, and it’s so sudden that Eiji laughs.

“Only if I can be Rosalina.”

Ash’s nose scrunches up. “Fine,” he grumbles. “But I’m taking Rose Gold Peach.”

Minutes or hours later, Eiji is literally in Ash’s lap, trying unsuccessfully to block his view of the TV screen. Ash’s arms are wrapped around Eiji’s waist as he holds his remote in front of Eiji’s chest.

“Why are you so tall?” Eiji demands, stretching his spine up as far as he can, only to have Ash easily peer around the side of his head.

“You’re just short, actually.”

Eiji gets a blue shell in third place, because Ash is that far ahead in first.

“Ha!” he shouts as the shell approaches Ash. But then Ash uses the stupid airhorn item or whatever, and the shell doesn’t even hit as he crosses the finish line. “Wait—no! Unfair!”

Ash scoffs, dropping his remote into Eiji’s lap. “You’re the one who’s literally cheating by being in my fucking lap right now.”

“What, you want me to move?”

Ash wraps his arms tight around Eiji now, pulling him back against Ash’s chest and totally messing Eiji up as he tries to pass Baby Mario. “That’s not what I said.” Eiji can hear the pout in Ash’s voice.

“Ash!” Eiji squawks. “You’re gonna—No!” Baby Mario passes the finish, and Eiji ends up in third. “Ugh!”

“See? You wouldn’t have made first even if I weren’t here,” Ash teases.

Eiji narrows his eyes, even though Ash can’t see it. “This is unfair. You can actually drive a motorcycle and I cannot.”

“I don’t think that has anything to do with it.”

The sound of water running through the building’s old pipes comes on as a neighbor turns on a shower.

“Uh. What time is it?” Ash asks.

Eiji grabs at his phone. “Um—oh. Oh! It is 6 a.m.”

“... Huh.”

It’s silent for a second, and then they both laugh.

“Want to head to sleep?” Eiji asks. “It’s Saturday, so we could sleep in.”

“Wow, you want to sleep in?” Ash tsks. “I’m disappointed, and also pleasantly surprised.”

“Is that a yes?”

“... One more round?”

They’ve reserved the entirety of Chang Dai for the night, and between friends, family, and chosen family, they just about fill it up.

No big meal—nothing to stress Nadia out like that—just drinks and premade dumplings. It’s more than enough. More than Ash could ever have thought to hope for.

Ash watches the festivities with a smile. Bones is drunk out of his mind and telling stories about Ash that Eiji’s family thinks are completely made up. Kong and Alex add details here and there, correcting Bones when he gets things wrong. Nadia keeps putting her head in her hands, and Sing has an apologetic smile on his face.

Every now and then Max or Jess shoot a glare at Ash as some new escapade from years past is revealed. Ash just laughs. Max won’t be able to confront him about any of it until Eiji’s mom is on the plane back to Japan next week.

“Hey,” Eiji says, leaning over and bumping his shoulder against Ash’s.

“Hey yourself,” Ash replies.

“How are you doing?"

Ash hesitates. “It’s fun.”

“But ... ?”

Ash glances over at Eiji, then back to Bones. “What do you mean?”

Eiji hums, not pressuring Ash at all. Not even calling him out on his bullshit.

Sighing, Ash toys with the crumpled napkin in front of him. “It just doesn’t feel real, I guess.”

“That makes sense.” Eiji says that, sometimes, and it helps. It helps to hear that what Ash is feeling does make sense. That Ash makes sense.

“Thanks,” he breathes.

The two of them are quiet for a moment, just watching the others.

“Hey, do you wanna get out of here?” Ash asks suddenly.

Eiji startles. “It’s our engagement party. I don’t think we can just leave.”

Ash grins, shaking his head. “Nah. If it were someone else’s, then we couldn’t leave. But it’s ours, so we can do what we want.”

“Ash ...” Eiji starts. He looks out over their guests, who are now focused on Kong insisting that Bones really did lose his teeth by waking Ash up too early.

“God, your whole family is going to think I was roommates with these three.”

That makes Eiji laugh. “You could always tell them the truth.”

“On second thought, this is fine.”

Eiji leans over again, this time resting his head on Ash’s shoulder. “You really want to leave?”

“Just for a bit,” Ash confirms. He brings a hand up to pet Eiji’s hair. “We can slip out the kitchen door and make out in the alley or something. Nadia won’t mind.”

Eiji hums again before responding. “And that will help make it feel more real?”

“... Yeah.”

“Then let’s go.” Eiji turns, kisses Ash’s shoulder, then sits up.

But now Ash hesitates. “Shouldn’t we—I mean, it is our engagement party ...”

Eiji grabs Ash’s hand. “Exactly. It is ours. And we get to decide what to do with it.”

“Fine,” Ash mumbles. He stands. “But I’m serious about getting married in our pajamas, then.”

Eiji stands too, pulling Ash’s hand to his mouth and kissing it. “Hm. Only if I can wear the NoriNori pajama pants.”

“Deal.”

“And you’ll wear the matching shirt?”

Ash grins. “Hell yeah. That’s cute as fuck.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Eiji asks. Rain falls outside, and their faces are inches apart. Ash considers pulling away, or at least turning to look out the window, but can’t bring himself to do it.

“I’m not ... afraid,” he tries. But it’s Eiji, so of course it’s useless to lie.

“Ash,” Eiji whispers. “You don’t have to be strong for me.”

“I’m ... afraid of loss,” Ash admits. “I’ve lost so much at this point. Skipper. Griffin. Shorter. My own goddamn innocence. I can’t ... lose anything else. I’d rather never have anything than lose everything over and over.”

Eiji looks down. His hair obscures his face a bit. The two of them are close enough that when Ash breathes out, Eiji’s hair moves. Eiji takes a deep breath too.

“You’re never, ever going to lose me.” He looks up now, right into Ash’s eyes. “I promise.”

It’s ironic, really, that Eiji says Ash doesn’t have to be strong for him. Ash could never, ever be strong for Eiji. He’s never been able to. Eiji is his weakness, in so many ways.

But it’s hard to keep telling himself that that’s a bad thing.

“I can’t afford to lose you either, you know,” Eiji says. “Remember what I said? I’d go crazy.” He smiles now. Fuck, Ash would do anything to see that smile every day. “This isn’t one-sided, Ash. We need each other, right?”

“Yeah,” Ash breathes. He wants to say no, but again—it’s no use lying to Eiji anyway.

“You won’t lose me,” Eiji says again. “I can promise you that, if you can promise me the same.”

And maybe Ash can. Maybe, just this once, he can try holding on again.

“I promise,” he whispers.

Blanca: lol you and your sister look alike

Eiji:

Eiji: I have 301 reason to hate Blanca

Sorry for the long questions ajjsjs but yeah even when Ash said he was jealous of Eiji because he could fly, he never resent or tried to hurt him because of that. What I am trying to say here is that Ash is a GOOD BOY. (I love You-Lung too but he needs to work on himself)

ash is SUCH a good boy!!!!!

a lil bit ago i actually wrote up a bigass essay that no one asked for, about eiji and yut-lung, and why yut-lung’s main adversary is actually eiji, not ash, if you’re interested in reading that c:

i think that honestly, yut-lung would have needed to meet eiji WAY sooner to have a less antagonistic view of him. by the time we meet yue in canon, he’s already extremely jaded and bitter, and he resents eiji for being sheltered and naive and nowhere as traumatized as him (and ash). like for example at dino’s mansion, eiji thinks everything about that time in dino’s bed is Bad, while yue is just like “this is nowhere near the worst ive experienced and this guy is a fuckin baby for being upset about it,” and thats why he’s so mad at eiji in that scene.

so for their relationship to be different i think yue would need to have met him before he got THIS jaded and cynical. otherwise eiji would just be upset about something else that’s justifiably upsetting but that yue is too desensitized to, and it’d elicit the same reaction for some other reason, i think.