#alcotop

Seunghyun’s lips puckered lightly. Once he was taught how to do something once, that awkwardness would fade and he would be able to go through the motions himself. That initial teaching could make him act rather awkwardly as he took note of the steps; all in good measure. “Thank you, Soo-ssi.” He leaned over to kiss his temple before getting the rag to start cleaning his mess on the opposite counter. “When will it be ready?” 

/He briefly bows back; Hubaenim, how’s life?

For @alcotop

Sitting on the couch, I’m watching the clock ticking and waiting eagerly for you to return. I need you more than I ever have before and the time is killing me. I can’t even text you to question where you are or what it is that’s taking you so long. I just guess something kept you at work like it sometimes does. I know you and I know how much you love me. You’d never be late without word unless it was important. More time passes and I’m growing colder but still I don’t move from that spot that I had taken up on the couch. I don’t need a blanket; I don’t need the fire on. All I need is to see you and be near you. Chewing at my nails, my knee bouncing up and down as my patience grows thin. I don’t know how much longer I can wait around for you to show up.

Finally…Finally I hear the beep of the door, the announcement from the pad that you’re home and I’m on my feet in instant and then I freeze. How can I do this? I’m not ready to do this. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I’m hidden away as you enter the room, the walls echoing with my name as you call out to me with apologies of an uncharged phone. You have no idea of what’s happened do you? I watch you from the corner of the room, my heart aching and fingers itching to reach out and touch your skin but I don’t dare to move. Your footsteps grow steadily fainter as I see you disappear from the living room and I follow behind you, light on my feet so not a sound is made and I can feel it. I’m crying and one peek around the door I can see you, you’ve noticed my crying too haven’t you? Your head turned in a curiosity of what it is that you’re hearing. “Baby.” I hear you whisper and I can’t even reply to you. I can’t even face you after all that has happened. My back to the wall, you walk right past me and I can feel the ice cold tears strolling down my cheeks. You don’t even notice me and I know after today you never will nor will you want to again. There’s a knock at the door and I watch you leave the room once more to answer it. Even from here I can hear every word perfectly and I swear I could hear the very moment I finally broke your heart. You’re on your knees, the police have gone and you’re crying to yourself. I’m so sorry, hyung. I shouldn’t have been so careless on the roads, should I?

I hate this. I can feel you shiver from the kiss I place to the nape of your neck. My kisses which once brought warmth of love now causing a cold that came unwelcome to the skin. God it hurts. All I want to do is wrap my arms around you and hold you so tightly that I would squeeze out every last ounce of pain from you but I can’t even touch you. Please forgive me…I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to leave you but at least I’d meant what I said when I told you I’d love you till the day that I die. I’m still always by your side though, hyung.

The following weeks are torture for both of us. I’m sitting across the room from you night after night watching you drink from a bottle of wine and there’s so little I can do. You don’t smile like you use to, you don’t laugh like you used to. I love you and I whisper it into your ear and I swear I can see the faintest of smiles ghosting over your lips for just a brief second. Can you hear me? Can you tell I’m right beside you? I hope, I really do hope that in some way I’m of a comfort to you. I won’t leave you like this, I promised I’d do everything to make you happy and I won’t be the reason for sadness if I can help it.

I often wonder if you can feel the bed moving at all when I sit at the foot of it and watch over you while you sleep, remembering how it felt to hold you in my arms like I used to. I wish I could still do that but when I pull the covers up over you, I can feel you shiver from the closeness of my being. I can’t touch you but god how much I want to. I’m sorry but I can’t help it. Sometimes I see you crying in your sleep and I have to soothe you somehow. I press my lips to yours and run my fingers through your hair the way I always did when you needed my love. I always wake you when I do this but at least you’re free from the dreams that have plagued you since I’d gone.

My time with you won’t last forever but I know when it will finally end. I won’t leave you until I know that you are happy, safe and in love once more. Though my love was selfish during my time in not wanting to share you with anybody, I refuse to leave you alone in this world. Once you find someone who loves you like I did and whose actions make your heart beat the way it once did for me…Then it will be my time to go. Till then I will continue to be your support and strength. I’ll hold you up when you can’t stand and stay by your side those nights you cry for me. This will pass, my love. I hope that you’ll never forget me but how I wish for you to move on to find your happiness again.