#alcoholisasolution

Kyle had one hell of a shiner over his left eye, and seemed irritated.

Ahh the days when a "paper" was some five page droll that you threw together the night before class....

Nope. This is grad school. Congrats. You have a 30 page paper on some random little subtopic that nobody cares about even you but which is tangentally related to some topic which you actually think is super cool. And it's due next week.

So you and me - we're going to rock this Hemingway style. 

Step 1: Get inspired. "Life experience" as it were. You're in grad school, so you can't go to war or anything as badass as that. So instead, maybe you go Nick Miller style and go to the zoo. Or just watch one episode of New Girl - that's close enough. Clear your mind. Some would call this procrastination. I call in inspiration.

Step 2: Make a plan. Scheduling is your new best friend. Why? It's productive. It's useful. It's responsible. And its a wonderful waste of time. 

Step 3: Read the 2-3 main articles or books on the topic to get a solid information base. Unfortunately, in my field this normally involves Google Translate.

Step 4: Write down all ideas/rants/anything - Hemingway style Grab your favorite bottle of whisky, put on some music, and just write that bitch. This should be more than 3 days before the paper is due.

Step 5: During your massive hangover, sit in bed, eat pizza and read. Unfortunately you are not reading that funny book by Mindy Kaling. You are incapacitated, and probably won't take in much right now. But you can read what you wrote last night (hopefully there are no emails or texts to read too). Find those couple of ideas that were actually drunken masterpieces. Congrats - you have the thesis to your paper. 

Step 6: More "life experience" while you recover.

Step 7: Read through the information related to your awesome thesis. You only have one day to do this, so don't get bogged down. Again, Google Translate is your best friend - at least in my field. 

Step 8: Hemingway it up again! Write that damn paper. Just try to hit page limit before you pass out. 

Step 9: In your miserable hangover state, edit your paper. You will hate the world so much, that you will be a fabulously mean editor. 

Step 10: Repeat steps 8-9 as needed.

Step 11: Read through your brilliance. You are the Hemingway of your field. Make a conclusion avoiding pop culture references. Because let's face it - no one who reads this paper will actually get them.