#albert bunstein

Albert: I’m going to starve to death!!!

Human: You know…. You could eat some of that floor hay too…..

Albert: But my hay bin is empty!!!

I can’t really understand why. Ever since she put this fence up I’ve been toasty warm!

Okay, so the view isn’t the best but if I really need to see I just jump on my toy chest.

That’s my bed, but it wasn’t bedtime yet!

You know, if she’s so cold, she could build herself something with the rest of the panels in the box!

We did the bedtime routine and he got all his treats. Then I went to take care of my own “litter box” needs. I’m not gone more than a couple minutes and I hear an awful racket. It wasn’t a play sound and it wasn’t an alert sound. Huh??? I finished up my needs and went to go look.

Well…. The banana chip from his bowl that is his reward for practicing “stay” must have fought back and went for a swim. I watched him try to get it twice as I was getting to him. Then he looked at me and demanded help again. lol.

“Look what you did! Are you proud of yourself??? I just changed that not that long ago!!!”

Note obvious pride at his skill and the water on the inside and outside but not the groove. And his smirk!

Human picks up bowl and goes to grab the door as rabbit slips past…

“D@MM1T RABBIT!!!!!!!! YOU GET YOUR FURRY BUTT BACK HERE!!!!!”

Albert leaves dust in his wake as he kicks up his heels at the funny joke played on the human.

So it’s now bunny bowling. That’s a combination of croquet and billiards with a yard/meter stick underneath furniture. Only tail shoves with the flat side are legal. If he’s under furniture you yell OUT. If he’s near his door you yell IN. ad finitem. If extremely dexterous attempt to flatten with a hand and catch in open areas. Good luck!

This was luckily a short game. When he returned I informed him no treats. So he tried playing the service rabbit game. “I said no treats. You can’t magically get those instead!” If it had been a real medical alert he would have kept up no matter what.

I swear my tombstone is going to read “Death by rabbit”. If not directly it will be from a rabbit induced heart attack. I’m sure of it. After today I think I’d lay money on it!

Albert had been in and out of trouble for the better part of two hours when suddenly things got quiet. Too quiet. That my furry toddler is missing and certainly in deep doo-doo quiet.

“🎶Al—Bert …. 🎶Where are you? 🎶”. Yes, it’s a singsong voice. Usually he pops out with a “hi! I’m here!” But it stayed quiet and rabbitless. Oh crud. Now for the hunt.

I find curtains moving “by themselves”. This is suspicious. I move the offending curtain and surprise! A furry fiend!

“Are you in trouble?”

—uh….maybe?

“What are you doing?”

—uh…art! Yeah! It’s an art project!!!

“What did I say about the cords?!?!?!?”

—but I’m NOT chewing on the cords!!!

A difference without a distinction. And the child my mother wished on me multiple times over.

Somehow but somehow he has been stripping the split loom cover artfully off without touching the cord.

Anyone have a suggestion to defeat him????

(Unless you ask Albert…)

If that looks like a lot of hay to you…. There was about three times that much this time last night. At two different points he was given a tiny pinch of chow, roughly five pieces to remember I love him and gauge eating capacity etc. Now the story of we got there…

As some of you may already know, I have a home health aide who comes and goes. I’ve only had this one since summer so this is her first winter in my home. I’ve been trying to get her to understand that keeping her outside coat on while doing things in my home is going to cause problems. Her answer? She’s cold. I told her to get a cardigan. Her coat is of the puffy kind.

Now yesterday I was focused on something else when she went to go clean the bathroom. She came back in and asked me a question and when I looked up Albert was eating a plant. A plant he can’t ever reach. The only possible explanation is she didn’t know her coat brushed against the top of his cage and pulled the vine off the top and down just low enough that he could see it.

My fuzzy idiot decided to not only sample said foliage but to eat the whole bloody leaf before I could take it away from him! I immediately called his vet to find out the dangers. While on hold I threw hay on his head. One handful…

Most people would normally just jump in the car and run to the vet. The best case scenario it takes two hours but I’ve also seen four hours on the road in traffic to get there.

While waiting Albert was eating hay and throwing hay and bouncing around and acting like his usual stupid self.

I got told to watch for swelling of the gums, inflammation of the mouth, lack of appetite, upset stomach, etc.

Okay. I watched him diligently for a half hour. His opinion? He got away with murder.

They did NOT mention cockiness, bouncing off the walls, excessive energy, or doing 360 degree spins in the litter box before rocketing back out.

Oh wait…. That’s the definition of an Albert.

Well hay it is! I threw enough hay in to cover the floor to his shoulders. Yeah…. That’s a lot of hay. It wasn’t a bad thing in his world until bed time and his full dinner didn’t show up and there was this decided lack of treats.

Yup. Human spent the night in the dog house worried.

Luckily my idiot has a cast iron stomach.

Offending parent plant after my wrath was taken upon it with a pair of scissors. Golden pothos.

Vines in a bunny free room to be rooted and given away.

Albert, would you like to explain this?

George, are you okay there?

Apparently neither party was talking to each other or to me.