#alacetor

One wolf knows Alastor would used flirtation as a means of manipulation, and he'd be so fucking fantastic at it. So much swagger and confidence and rizz.

The other knows that it has never occurred to Alastor even ONCE that it's a viable means of manipulation because his only two reactions to being flirted with have been:

a) "immediate ick, gross stop talking to me go away?!?!"

b) "Holy shit that guy in the coffee shop was FLIRTING with me 3 weeks ago, wasn't he!?"

I'm so glad we're all on the same page about that.

But please imagine- he just lives up there.

He's an angel he can just make himself weigh nothing, or Alastor's a demon, he's got inhuman strength. But I'm really leaning into Lucifer doing most of the magicking about it so he can sit is progressively more unbalanced positions, and in no way imped on Alastor adhd ass moving all around all the time.

Either way they're just walking around the hotel like that.

Making dinner? Lucifer's up there, legs wrapped around him to keep out of the way, as he stirs one pot, and Alastor checks another.

Running inspections on guests, because SOMEONE flooded the third floor trying to flush their stash? Lucifer's just sittting cross legged on one shoulder, reading a book.

Alastor's pacing his studio, talking with a regular caller, and Lucifer has slid down his back like a koala, legs kicking behind him, arms wrapped around Alastor's neck tight enough it should be choking him, but magic, so he can stick his ear to the other side of the phone cause he's a mess bitch too and he loves the gossip.

Like the other haven't seen Lucifer's feet on the ground in weeks.

Do they have some bet going? Are they playing the world's weirdest game of gay chicken??

Does Luicfer just like to feel tall?

Some one called it Stacked Dads

BUT

The ONE time Angel get into Al's room, trying to convince Al to do something for him, he's perusing the bookshelf while he talks. If Alastor was paying attention to him and not the pieces of his radio strewn about on the table he would have stopped Angel before he got to the far corner, but alas, Angel finds, just, the raunchest, dirtiest, fucked up smut novels the Lust ring has to offer.

And he turns around to gape at Alastor, one such novel grasped in his hands. And when Alastor looks up because the incessant talking has stopped, he freezes. His face goes red as it contorts into something between a snarl and grimance.

"Put that back!-"

But Angels already bolting out the door, book still in hand.

"HUSKER! OH MY GOD! SHORT KING!!!-"

"GET THE FUCK BACK HERE-"

But all that to say, I like to then imagine, whenever anyone tells him something mildly outlandish, but definitely true, he likes to respond with "Yes, Vox, and I took a vow of celibacy when I was a catholic nun"

To which of course people think, "so you don't belive me? I mean but aren't you a virgin? Are you not????"

And of course, this never gets asked because who's gonna ask The Radio Demom about his Sexy Life.

Angel Dust that's who.

I imagine him doing an interview on Al's Show, just a mix of publicity for them both, hanging out because they're friends, and it's all a big middle finger to the Vee's.

Maybe it's pride month and so they were planning some talk about that, Alastor joking about a possible comming out, even though its plenty well know Alastor is some where on the ace spectrum to anyone with eyes.

They get on the topic somehow, Angel says something like, "I never laid myself across the bar like that! Second set of arms at most! Never my butt, never mind my legs! not after the first time!"

"Mh-hm. You got desperate in your flirting, and I took a vow of celibacy, when I was a nun. We all do silly things, Angel."

"Well, maybe I've laid out on the pool table, but it makes for good pictures. Anyway, I been meaning to ask you about that."

"About being a nun?

"No," angel laughs, plays it off, thinking he's joking. "About your being ace and all. No pressure, but like, you really never even wanted to try?"

"No, I find it quite repulsive. The idea even,"

"You don't watch nothin'? Read nothing either?"

"Ha! No! The filthy little novel Sister Amillia sneaked in the once was quite enough- are you okay Angel?"

Angel had infact just chocked on his latte. "Wait? Sister Amillia? Sneaked in? To where!?"

"The convent, Angel. I was 14, she was 16. Wonderful woman, taught me how to handle a knife, she left shortly after the novel was discovered- Sister Tabitha was as squeaky a little rat as she looked- never saw Amillia again, though."

"Wait, sorry. You were a nun, like, actually? What the fuck?"

One of the little lights that says they have a caller lit up, but Alastor ignore it for now. "Yes, Angel, do keep up."

"Wait, so like that nun costume you wear on halloween?" Angel blows right past the fact Alastor just came out as trans, because yeah. Didnt see it comming but, the trains already wizzing by, and more importantly- "Is that like your actual nun costume?"

"Ha! No, I flung that horrid thing in a garbage can on my way to the enlistment office when I was 17."

"Enlistment?" Angels begining to see what Alastor meant when he said this episode was going to be a unique experience for his listeners at the start of the braodcast. "Like world War 1, right? You were alive for that..."

"Yes, I figured with all the confusion one little girl-"

Angel's phone goes off. It's Val. Angel hits ignore.

"Fuck off Val, I'm off today" Angel says into his mic.

But they get interrupted again and again until Angel turns his phone off.

At which point all twelve of the little light that indicate the show had callers on the line, light up.

"Ah fuck. What does he want that bad? Can you just answer it real quick?"

Alastor flips a switch and answers.

"The fuck you want Val-"

"I'm not calling for you!" It's Vox on the other end, his voice booming from the speaker "Alastor! Are you fucking serious? You were a fucking nun?"

"Yes, Vox." He says with faux patience. "My goodness, did you all stuff your ears with cotton this morn-"

"So you DID actually take a vow of Celibacy? The other day at the meeting during my presentation, you said "that'll work, Vox, sure- and I took a vow-"

"Yes. I was there."

"And!?!"

"Celibacy, among other things. If this is a dig at my sexuality than-"

"Nah fuck that, hang on I'm doing math! Okay you were born in 1901, makes you 17 in 1918, yeah that tracks. Okay so 2024 make you 123, minus the 17 years to be conservative, thats 106 yeah?"

"I was 15 when I took that vow, and under threat of being institutionalized, if that's what you're getting at-"

"108! Ha! Oh my God! 108 years! That's gotta be a record!"

"What are you getting at Vox?"

"You took a vow!" Vox screams through his laughter. "All the pomp and circumstance! On consecrated ground! before god!? To abstain from sex! And even here in hell, were sin and blasphemy are rampant and free-"

"Careful Vox, your televangelist is showing-"

"Who gives a fuck!? You're the one whos upheld their vow to God for over a century like some devout saint!"

Angel and Alastor sit there staring at eachother while Vox laughs his head off around them

"Saint Alastor the Abstinent! The pantron Saint of Virgi-"

Alastor hangs up. "Well that was informative!" Alastor chirps "Well, What's to be done about this? Hm, Angel?"

And for some reason, an unholy one, surely, the first thing out of Angel's mouth is "I could suck you dick? If that- would count?"

And it's a testament to how far they've come as friends, or pooooossbily Alastor's nerves, or maybe his sheer unwavering bravado, but Alastor only bursts out laughing, shaking his head as he get out between laughter "I don't- have one!"

And then they're both laughing and laughing and laughing, and eventually they calm down, and Alastor gets a thoughtful look. "Though, Vox did have one good point."

"Oh?"

"That does have to be a recorded, at least among sinners. Why! I very well might have redeemed myself! We should certainly bring this up with Sera at the next conference!"

No context spoilers for @morningstarwrites 's radioapple fic "Of Saints And Sinners"

And you knoooowwww Luicfer's pronouncing them "am" and "fm" and not a.m. or f.m. and Alastor gets there's a joke in there, but he doesn't get WHY its so funny to pronouncing a.m. and f.m. phonetically, and he doesn't understand how its SuCh a good joke that EVERYONE decides that's really their names.

He does know half the joke is how much he hates its, but he still tries to give them normal names like, Amelia and Ephraim, completely ignoring anyone calling them Am or Fm, but no one goes with it, including Am and Fm, until Alastor finally gives up.