#ajaime

Jaime had been acting off lately, and Alec was starting to get worried. They knew the cause was stress, and they knew how Jaime got when he was stressed, but this time around none of their efforts to cheer him up or relax him were successful. University was far from Alec's realm of expertise, but he hadn't been near this bad around midterms– surely finals weren't so much harder? 

The time they had spent together recently had been nice, but rare. Jaime was busy, that was obvious, and Alec tried to understand, but they had missed him being around. When he agreed to come over to study instead of staying in at his place, they were delighted– until he showed up with his books to actually study. Alec checked their phone and decided enough time had passed in silence. They settled down on the floor at his feet and rested their chin on his knee, watching his face. "How much do you have left?"

Open books surrounded Jaime as he sat cross-legged on the couch in the Tyche cabin, his notebook balanced on his knee. In one hand he held a pen, in the other, his music theory anthology. Finals started in three days and he had an exam in each of his classes, as well as two term papers, a presentation on a famous composer, and a recorded performance of an original song - all due in the span of a week. Stress radiated off Jaime in sickening waves. If you looked carefully, peering past the glare of his glasses, you could see a faint change in the color of his irises. He was lost in thought, barely registering Alec's words. "Hm? What?" He looked at his partner distractedly, pushing his glasses back up his nose with the end of his pen. "What did you say? I missed it, I'm sorry."

Alec smiled up at him and folded their arms on his knee to rest their chin on top of their forearms now. The colour change in his eyes caught their attention and their smile faded slightly. “It’s okay. I was just asking how much you had left?” Their voice raised hopefully at the end of their sentence. “We could do something, play a game maybe? Or just hang out?”

"Oh, um, I have...." Jaime trailed off, remembering a detail he wanted to include in a paper. He began writing furiously, the end of his sentence unfinished. He reached the end of his page and glanced up, looking surprised to see Alec resting on his knee. "Sorry, I-" Jaime shook his head, sorting out his thoughts. "A game?"

Alec watched as he scribbled down some more information and sighed quietly. They knew he didn't mean to ignore them, but it still wasn't a pleasant feeling. Be patient, they reminded themself and inhaled slowly through their nose, smiling at him again. "If you have time to take a break? It doesn't have to be game. Just something we can do together."

Jaime nodded, still not properly focused on Alec as his brain swirled with topics for term papers and snatches of song lyrics. "Together," he echoed, nodding as he flipped to a new page in his notebook. He patted the couch beside him, moving his books into a stack so his partner could join him on the couch, "We're spending time together right now," he looked at Alec, brows knit together. Jaime gave them a preoccupied smile and offered his hand to help them up. "C'mere."

Alec took his hand and climbed up onto the couch next to him, crossing their legs as they sat facing him. They put one hand on his shoulder, pressing their thumb into muscle to try and loosen up some of his tension. “Is the work going good?”

He closed his eyes the moment Alec's hand landed on his shoulder. Jaime hummed in acknowledgement, letting himself relax into the massage from his partner. At the mention of work, his shoulders tensed. "Unfortunately, no. The list of tasks I need to complete is endless. The due dates are all looming. The exams seem impossible. The composition I need to prepare falls deaf on my ears. I don't know when I'll complete it all."

Alec sighed again as Jaime listed everything he had to do, though this time it was in sympathy. They may not understand anything about schoolwork, tenth grade somewhere far back in their memory, but they knew how important it was to their boyfriend. Not that it would make them worry less. "Okay, but you've been at it for hours," they pointed out, clambering up to sit behind Jaime on the back of the couch so they could rub his shoulders properly. "You should take a break to clear your head! And eat something, definitely. Want me to make dinner?"

"Three hours is nothing," Jaime countered, a note of defeat in his voice. He tabbed backwards in his notes, remembering a detail that would be perfect for one of his papers. His posture remained stiff, even as Alec tried to rub his shoulders. "No, no," he shook his head. "That'll take too long, it's okay. I'll eat later."

Alec frowned now that Jaime couldn’t see their expression and hunched over to rest their chin on his shoulder, carding their fingers through his hair. “C’mon, Jay, you gotta eat something. Did you have lunch? You don’t even gotta take a full break, just enough to get something in your system.” They turned their head and kissed his cheek. “Everything’ll still be here when you get back.”

Jaime resisted the urge to duck his head. He knew Alec was just trying to be supportive, he knew he should be appreciative of the care he was being shown, but all he could focus on was his inability to retain the information he was studying. "Lunch?" He scowled, though they couldn't see. "I think I had a granola bar...maybe." He exhaled through his nose when Alec kissed his cheek, trying to smile. His eyes were starting to ache and he pushed his glasses up into his hair so that he could rub his eyes with his knuckles. Jaime's irises were even lighter still, the air around them felt heavy. "Alec, I don't need to eat right now. Really." He tried to keep the edge out of his voice, a strained smile flickering across his face.

Alec sat back when Jaime responded, deterred by the tone in his voice. They ran their tongue over their teeth as they made up their mind whether to let it go or not, and slid back down to sit beside him. "You'll think better if you're not hungry," they pointed out, tilting their head towards the kitchen. It was always difficult for them to think on an empty stomach, so they imagined it was the same for everyone. "You don't even need to stop for long, I can bring it to you? At least have some water. Please?"

He opened his mouth, about to dismiss their offer again but decided against it. "Don't...you don't have to cook for me. If you really want me to eat, I'll help make something. And I'll drink some water." Jaime nudged his water bottle with his foot before picking it up. He ran his other hand through his hair, taking a few deep breaths to calm the buzzing in his skull. "Really though, I- it's fine, Alec. Just a mountain of work." He opened his bottle and took a sip, turning away from them.

Alec chewed their lip when Jaime turned away from them and moved down to kneel on the ground at his feet again, resting a hand on his knee and leaning to one side to try and catch his eye, brows creased. "Jay?" They pressed their cheek into their shoulder, watching his face, chest tight with worry. "Are you okay? I really don't mind making food. But I'm worried about you."

“Alec, I’m fine. Really.” Jamie squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the pressure building behind them. When he opened them again, he focused on Alec, his gaze softening as he held their eyes. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me, love.” His voice seemed to lose its energy as he reached the end of his sentence, fading mid-word. Still, he tried to smile, giving Alec’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

If anything, Jaime's attempt at reassurance only served to make Alec more worried. They turned their hand over to hold his, sitting back on their heels as they frowned up at him. "At least move to one of the card tables. Your back's gonna be killing you if you stay leaned over on the couch like that."

“Alright, alright.” He sighed before acquiescing to Alec’s request. Jaime scooped up his stack of books, placing his notebook on stop and stood up. He glanced at his partner before heading to the card table. “Is it okay that I’m here to study? Or do you want me to leave?”

Alec followed Jaime over to the card table and perched on the edge, still watching him. They furrowed their brows at the question, cocking their head to the side like a dog. "Why would I want you to leave? I never want you to leave."

Jaime inhaled through his nose, setting out his notebook and the book he had been reading. After a moment, he turned to Alec. "Because I'm wasting your day. You want to do things, have fun, play games. And I need to study for my exams, write my papers, create a composition. I know this-" he gestured to himself, dropping his hand in his lap. "This version of me is not the one you want to spend time with."

Alec reached over to touch his shoulder, shaking their head before Jaime even finished speaking. "Aw, Jay, no." They frowned at him. "Every version of you is one I want to spend time with. I love you all the time, not just when you're happy."

“That’s just not true.” Jaime’s eyes flashed. He returned Alec’s frown, disregarding the second half of their statement. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

Alec withdrew their hand, unsure. They blinked a few times, not used to this tone from their boyfriend. "Uh." They swallowed. "Like what?"

Jaime pressed his lips together, trying to reign in the negative feelings bubbling to the surface of his emotions. He closed his book and spoke without looking at Alec, “Like I’m a stubborn child.” He tried to blink the ache out of his eyes and waved a hand at his notebook. “Do you understand how important this is to me?”

"What? Jaime, no." Alec shook their head vehemently, chest tightening. "I'm not– of course I do! I know how much this means to you." They reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder again. "I understand. I just think you still need to take care of yourself, I've never seen you so stressed before."

"I'm perfectly capable of caring for myself, Alec." He exhaled a puff of air, frustration written all over his face. Jaime opened his mouth to say something else but cut himself off when Alec's hand landed on his shoulder. He seemed to deflate a little bit, sinking slightly into their touch, though his expression was still unreadable.

Alec rubbed their thumb over his shoulder as he leaned into their touch, relieved at even the small gesture of surrender. They scooted over an inch on the table so they were closer to him. "I know! But sometimes you need a little reminder. And this seems like one of those times?"

Jaime sighed, letting his head fall into his hands. He shoved his glasses up into his hair so that he could press the heels of his hands into his eyes. No matter how much pressure he applied, the headache kept building. It was behind his eyes, in his temples, in the air. "What I need," he murmured. "Is to finish my work for the semester..."

“It’ll still be here after a short break.” Alec felt like a broken record at this point, but they didn’t want to let it go, not when they could see the state Jaime was in. They chewed their lip and dropped their hand back to their lap. “Is your head hurting? I can get you some water. Or Advil?”

A break from the avalanche of work on his plate sounded so enticing, Jaime almost agreed. Something held him back, something more than the pounding in his skull. He lifted his face from his hands, looking at Alec; his glasses were still perched atop his head so they were nothing more than a large blur on the card table. "No," he sighed, knowing he was not experiencing a normal headache. "Look, Alec, I need really to study. If that's going to interfere with your engaging afternoon of-of hanging around your cabin and daydreaming, by all means, let me know." Jaime cut himself off, surprising himself with the bite in his tone. He looked at Alec with wide eyes. "I-"

Hurt flashed across Alec’s face at their boyfriend’s words and tone, and turned their head away from him to hide their expression before they remembered he wouldn’t be able to see it anyway without their glasses on. They swallowed, then nodded and hopped off the table. “Is there anything I can do to help, then?” they asked, voice carefully calm past the lump that had risen in their throat. “I can read, or take notes?”

Jaime blinked, seeing the blob that was his partner move. He slid his glasses back onto his face and rubbed his temples. "Sure," he sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Whatever works. Um," he shuffled some papers and pushed a packet Alec's way. He placed a stack of blank index cards and a pen on a table next to them. "If you could, um...write the notes from this study guide on the cards...?"

Alec nodded and pulled a chair over to sit in front of the cards. Picking up the pen felt weird– they could barely remember the last time they wrote something on paper instead of typing it. Still, they were determined to help in some way even if it wasn't getting their boyfriend to eat, so they ducked their head down and started copying the notes over onto the cards. "You got it!" they affirmed.

He hummed in acknowledgement, his nose already back in his music theory book. Without looking up, he took detailed notes; his cursive handwriting flowed across the page. "Thanks," he mumbled, realizing he hadn't said anything. Fifteen minutes later, Jaime finished annotating the chapter he was reading and looked over at his partner. He picked up one of their completed flashcards, studying it. His face quickly morphed into a look of confusion. "Uh...Alec?"

Alec finished the one they were writing and turned to look at him, tucking the pen behind their ear so they didn't misplace it. They smiled at him. "Mhm? Everything okay?"

"These are..." Jaime closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. Frustration started to rise up in his chest all over again and he tried to swallow the feeling, but the wave crested and his words crashed out. "Did you do this intentionally?" He waved the card in their direction. "These are all botched." He rifled through the stack of flashcards Alec had completed. "Everything is spelled incorrectly. The notes are unclear. I don't understand. You just had to copy...Is this- Is this just a joke to you?"

Alec's heart dropped in their chest and they swallowed, looking at the card they were working on and comparing it to the notes they were copying to try and see what he was talking about. The harder they focused and the higher their stress level rose, the more the letters blurred around, and they blinked as they looked back at their boyfriend. "I... what? No!" They shook their head, pulling one of the cards they had written back and trying to spot the mistakes on it, eyebrows scrunched together in concern. "No, no, it's not. I can do them over? Are they that bad?"

"No, no- Alec, just," Jaime pinched the bridge of his nose again, closing his textbook roughly. "Forget it." His headache was back with a vengeance, pounding in his ears. The waves of frustration were only growing; Jaime hadn't anticipated this feeling but he could not seem to quell his irritation. He stood, gathering up his stack of textbooks. His tone was sharp when he spoke, his eyes were gleaming. "Just forget it, Alec."

Alec slowly put the card back on the table, taking a moment before turning to face Jaime. They hugged their arms and stood up after a couple seconds. “Are you leaving?” they asked, their voice soft to try and cushion their boyfriend’s tone. “I can do the cards over, I really don’t mind- or, um, I can quiz you? Or make dinner? Or just go up to the loft and leave you alone? Or- you don’t have to go, Jay, come on, it’s still early. We could go up to the roof? That might be a good place to study, it’s still light enough out, and pretty quiet, I can help you carry your things up! But we’ve barely seen each other lately, I can find something else to do so I don’t mess up your notes?”

Alec's initial question was too much for Jaime to answer in the moment, so he skirted past it. He dropped his pen on his stack of books and rubbed his eyes, trying, trying to get the ache to go away. Alec's expression tugged at Jaime's heart, but he was too far gone into a spiral of frustration to do anything about it. "I'll do them over," he said dismissively, giving them a sharp look. Alec's barrage of questions came in time with the pounding in Jaime's skull. He just stared at them, eyes blazing a poisonous green. The air around them felt different but he was heated, unaware of the affect he was having on the space. "No, Alec. Don't cook. Not for me. It's still early, you have plenty of time to do whatever you want, and I have plenty of time to go home and study in peace." Though he wanted nothing more than to go up on the roof and sit with Alec, he had started this fight and it was too late to turn back now. His tone, like his gaze, was uncharacteristically acidic. "You've helped enough."

The air pressure around them seemed to shift and Alec winced, touching a hand to the back of their head as a spike of pain shot through. It was easy enough to ignore considering how much their heart hurt in comparison with the look their boyfriend gave them. They shrunk under his words, rubbing one of their arms. "I can leave you in peace," they said quietly, scuffing one foot along the ground. "Just stay, c'mon."

Jaime flexed his fingers and balled his fists at his side. The hurt that flashed across Alec's face should have been enough to calm him down but the words tumbled out. "Leave me in peace? When have you ever? Your chatter never ceases. You want everything to be fun, to be a game. Does your head ever leave the clouds? Come on, Alec" His eyes flashed as he clenched his jaw.

Alec bit their lip as the pounding in their head increased and they let out a small pained sound that was more of a whine. Jaime had never snapped at them like this before- they hoped his words were just from stress, not something he thought about all the time. They stared at the ground by his feet. “I can be serious,” they mumbled, thoughts blurry past the building headache. “I could be quiet if you want. I could, I promise.”

Jaime hadn't realized that the pressure in his head had begun to fade until he heard Alec whimper. He was still to upset to process what that meant, blind to power rolling off him in waves; it was out of his control, even if he had noticed. "Alec, stop. Just-" He pushed his glasses up his nose. "You don't have to do anything for me. No promises. Just...stop."

Alec looked up at Jaime now but had a hard time focusing, unsure if their blurred vision was from the ache still building behind their eyes or from the tears starting to well. They rubbed their eyes, but the pressure just made the headache worse and they whimpered again. "What are you..." They pressed their palms into their temples to try and ease the pain enough to focus. "Why're you saying this?"

"I can't do this." Jaime was too busy aggressively shoving his books into his backpack to look at Alec. All of his senses were in overdrive and he just wanted to be rid of the poisonous feeling in his chest. "I can't do this," he repeated, still not looking at them. He turned to pick up his water bottle, still on the floor by the couch, and caught sight of his reflection in one of the pinball machines. Jaime flinched, shocked to see the radioactive glow of his eyes. His anger faded to a dull hum as his heart began to race, finally realizing that the extra element he had been feeling had been his powers betraying him. Alec's tears, the sound of their voice...it made even more sense when he realized that they were in pain. He spun around to face them, eyebrows knit together when he saw their face. "Alec...Alec, I'm so sorry. I-" Jaime lifted a hand but quickly dropped it, distraught at the effect his wayward powers were having on them. He could feel tears welling up in his own eyes and took a step back, chest heaving as he began to hyperventilate. "I'm sorry..."

Alec squeezed their eyes shut then pressed their hand over them to block out more of the light as the migraine reached its peak. They crouched down as though that would make it better and hunched over, burying their face in their arms as they listened to Jaime packing all his things away. They wanted to ask him to stop again but it was difficult to keep a thought still past the stabbing pain, the hum of the machines, and Jaime's voice. Only when he stopped speaking did the headache dull enough for them to lift their head from their arms, though they didn't risk opening their eyes in case it made it worse again. Blindly, they grasped at the air in front of them, trying to take his hand, or arm, or whatever they could reach. Gradually, they were able to start to think again, and they wiped the tears from their face, careful to move slowly so they didn't jolt their still aching head. "What can't you...?"

Watching Alec hold their head in pain as they dealt with a migraine that he had caused was too much for Jaime, as he spiralled into a panic attack. He was shaking his head, eyes wide in shock, his breathing rushed and uneven. He took a step backwards, closer to the door, trying to find something, anything, a switch in his subconscious to turn off his powers. Though his eyes returned to their normal color, his lack of control over what was happening to them only sent Jaime into further panic. When Alec reached out blindly, he felt hot tears threaten to spill over. "I can't do this, I-I can't." Jaime's voice broke, his hands trembling as he took another step backwards, reaching for the door. "This, us. I'm sorry. This is- Alec, this is over. We're over. I-I have to leave." He hesitated before opening the door, looking over his shoulder at Alec. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

"No, no no no." Alec scrambled up to their feet, using a chair for balance when they stood  too quickly and lights flashed over their vision. They opened their eyes to see him and shook their head, trying to ignore the pain. They desperately wiped tears off of their face, but they kept coming. "No, Jaime, no, no, please don't."