#ailuresque

greetin’ in handfuls ta lessen th’ flood on my owwn dash, don’t mind it any pretty sure i aint talked ta any a you before so here’s a wwelcome t’my blog

MOST OF THEM, I THINK VERY HIGHLY OF.

MOST OF THEM.

NADIRE, NOT SO FUCKING MUCH. I THINK HE’S A SLEAZY, UNTRUSTWORTHY CLODSUCKING FUCKING TOWER OF DESPICABLY UNWISE, IGNORANT SENTIENT BULGEWEASELS ONLY JUST GRASPING A SENSE OF REALITY. THIS ABSOLUTELY ASININE KING OF VANITY MIGHT AS WELL HOP THE FUCK OFF OF HIS PITY-FILLED HIGH-HORSE AND CRAWL INTO THE WORLD’S SMALLEST FUCKING HOLE, AND DIE. 

THIS FUCKING TROLL IS SO FAR OFF HIS ROCKER AND HAS THE MOST SKEWED AND SHELTERED PERSPECTIVE OF THE WORLD DESPITE BEING SO FAR FROM ALTERNIA IT MIGHT EVEN JUST BE A CRAZY MYTH WE ALL MADE UP TO KEEP OUR FUCKING PSYCHOSIS AT PEACE AND MAKE SENSE OF OUR WILD MENTAL DISORDERS, THAT WE CONVINCED EACH OTHER OF IN THE HOSPITAL WE MUST OF ALL MET IN TO KEEP US SANE. 

WHEN YOU SAY A BITCH IS FUCKING SELF ABSORBED, MOST PEOPLE ARE LIKE, DAMN OKAY, WE’LL WATCH OUT FOR THIS MOTHERFUCKER. FUCK NO!!!!!! THIS BITCH ISN’T JUST SELF ABSORBED, THIS BITCH IS SELF FUCKING ABSORBED. HE’S FOOLING AROUND LIKE A HIGHSCHOOLER WITH THEIR FIRST SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND HE’S FUCKING IT UP LIKE A HORNY FRATBOY WITH NO SELF RESTRAINT. 

IT’S OFF THE WALL????

HE DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING RECOGNIZE WHAT HE’S DOING????? OR DOES HE????

WHO KNOWS???? JOULES THINKS HE’S SO FUCKING CLOSE WITH THIS CLOWN BUT THIS BITCH KEEPS SHOOTING AT HIM FROM THE FUCKING LEFT FIELD AND BLINDSIDES THAT CAT. UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I JUST??????? DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND HIM???? BUT THERE’S STILL THAT SLIGHT LITTLE PALPATION THAT AFFLICTS MY BLOODRUSHER SO THAT I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO SAY AND GENUINELY MEAN THAT I ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT HATE HIM WITH EVERY MILLIMETER OF MY PERSONHOOD. BECAUSE I FUCKING DON’T.

BUT I DON’T GET WHY JOULES KEEPS UP WITH HIM? HE WAS PAPPING ANOTHER BEEBRAT WHILST OUR OWN LOVELY CODER WAS SET UP IN THE FUCKING HOSPICE AFTER UGLIES UNTOLD OF AND UGLIES TOO FAR HORRENDOUS TO MENTION ON THIS POST HAPPENED TO HIM. HE WAS KIDNAPPED AND TORTURED, AND I’M SURE YOU CAN FOLLOW WITH WHAT THE FUCK TORTURE MAY OR MAY NOT ENTAIL.

WHERE WAS NADIRE? GETTING DRUNK, AND ALSO FUCKING OFF TO COMFORT SOME MEATWHAPPING WEEDLE. 

NADIRE RUNS AWAY AND DRIVES EVERYONE UP THE WALL WITH WORRY.

AND NOW THERE’S HINTS OF NADIRE BECOMING INVOLVED WITH A VRISKA?? LIKE, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? I’M NO TEACHER HERE, BUT MOST TIMELINES HAVE SOME SERIOUS BAD JUJU BETWIXST CAPTOR FUCKING DEAREST AND SERKET THE SLAYER. 

AND HIS MOIRAIL STARTS FUCKING WITH THIS OCTOGONAL SPIDERBITCH? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS? I’M JUST????

FLABBERGASTED, HONESTLY!!

THAT’S IT!!! THAT’S FUCKING IT!!! THIS PISSTAKER FUCKING FLABBERGASTS ME. MY THINKPAN SIMPLY CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO WRAP AROUND WHAT THIS IDIOTIC COCKEATING DILDO BACTERIUM EVER POSSIBLY COULD BE HOLDING INTO CONSIDERATION.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I’D PUT MY MONEY ON?

THOSE THINGS HE CONSIDERS NEVER INVOLVES US. 

HE’S A SNEAKY LITTLE LIAR, AND HE’S TOO WEAK TO DEAL WITH HIS PROBLEMS. EVERY TIME I FUCKING APPROACH HIM, HE DODGES THE HELL OUT OF ME. HE’S PETTY AS HELL, AND TLFUCKINGDR, HE AIN’T SHIT. 

I WOULDN’T WANT TO GO AGAINST HIM IN A WEAPONS FIGHT, BECAUSE HE ADMITTEDLY DOES HAVE PROWRESS, BUT HE’S EGOTISTICAL, ELITEST, AND OBNOXIOUS. HE DOESN’T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THIS WORLD TO SURVIVE WITHOUT HIS LOADS OF FUCKING PRIVILEGED, AND HE TOO REGULARLY FORGETS THAT PEOPLE OTHER THAN HIMSELF FUCKING MATTER TOO!!!! 

I’M TIRED OF WATCHING HIM PULLING MY KISMATESPRIT APART PIECE BY PIECE.

I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT? I USED TO WISH HE WAS MY FRIEND, AND I STILL ALMOST DO? BUT WITH THE WAY HE JERKS PEOPLE AROUND, I AM WELL-WEARY OF IT. HE PLAYS TOO MANY FUCKING GAMES LIKE WE’RE WRIGGLERS IN KINDERGARTEN GETTING OUR FIRST WEEKS OF SCHOOLFEEDING ON, AND I’M SO NOT FUCKING HERE FOR THAT.

BIGGEST FLAWS: HEAD SO FAR UP HIS OWN ASS, IT’S ACTUALLY SETTLED ON HIS SHOULDERS, AFTER HAVING A SHITFILLED JOURNEY UP THROUGH HIS ENTIRE INTESTINAL SYSTEM. 

THE THING I HATE MOST: HE DOESN’T GIVE A GENUINE FUCK ABOUT HIS OWN GODDAMN MOIRAIL, AND I’M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO PICK UP THE PIECES.

 - 

I GUESS I’LL TALK ABOUT SHIHAB NEXT??

GOD, THESE PEOPLE ARE SO VASTLY FUCKING DIFFERENT, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

I’M UPSET WITH HIM BECAUSE I ALMOST FEEL LIKE HE CHEATED ON ME, BUT THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION IS THAT HE FUCKING DIDN’T. WE WERE NEVER IN A RELATIONSHIP. YET, THE DISTINCT SENSATION OF BEING USED STILL REMAINS? MY LEG HAS ASSUREDLY BEEN FIRMLY TUGGED, AND I’LL BE SURE TO RESIST NEXT TIME AROUND.

I MISS HIM.

SHIHAB SHOWED UP WHEN I NEEDED HIM MOST LIKE A FUCKING STARLET FROM THE GREAT BLUEGREEN ABOVE, ARMED WITH KIND SMILES AND SOFT TOUCHES. WHEN I WAS AT SOME OF MY WORST, THIS MAN WAS HERE FOR ME.

I NEVER ASKED HIM TO, AND I NEVER SAID I NEEDED HIM, BUT HE WAS ALWAYS THERE, OFFERING SUPPORT. I THOUGHT WE’D WORK? AFTER AWHILE, I STARTED TRYING TO OFFER AFFECTION BACK, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IT WASN’T FUCKING ME WHO HE WAS CRYING OVER.

HE WAS JUST CRYING ON MY SHOULDER. 

I THOUGHT HE WANTED TO BE MY MOIRAIL, BUT THAT WAS PROBABLY JUST WHAT HE THOUGHT I NEEDED TO HEAR.

WHICH ACTUALLY, THINKING ABOUT IT?? MAKES ME FUCKING ANGRY!!! IF YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING PITY ME TO SUCH A HIGH DEGREE AS TO MANIPULATE MY EMOTIONS BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK I NEED, THAT’S SOME FUCKING HORSESHIT!! I’M A ONE MAN ARMY, AND I’M FULLY CAPABLE BY MYSELF. AS LONG AS I HAVE A JOURNAL, I NEED NO MAN–I CAN SURVIVE ALONE.

HE PLAYED WITH ME, AND WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ACTUALLY REAL, I GOT FUCKING DUNKED ON. MY FUCKING MISTAKE??? I SHOULD REMEMBER THAT I’M JUST NOT FUCKING MOIRAIL MATERIAL. 

WHATEVER.

FLAWS: HE THINKS HE KNOWS ME, AND WHAT I NEED. HE DOESN’T. HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY HAVE AN EGO TO THE SKY, BUT LIKES TO PLAY LIKE HE DOES. HE HAS FUN FUCKING WITH YOUR HEAD.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT HIM: HE LET ME FALL FOR HIM, AND THREW THAT BACK INTO MY FACE. THAT’S NOT SOMETHING ABOUT HIM, REALLY, I GUESS? I DON’T KNOW, I HATE HIS STUPID SMILE AND I HATE HIS FUCKING SOFT HEART.

HE DOESN’T ENTIRELY LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD.

I HATE HIS COWARDICE. GOD, THEY ALL LIVED LONGER THAN ME, WHY ARE THEY SUCH SHAKY BASTARDS? 

-

I LOVE MIRIAM. I ALWAYS HAVE, AND IT’S EASY FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT I ALWAYS WILL. I MISS OUR TIMES AS CHILDREN TOGETHER, AND CRAVE TO RELIVE THEM. I’D LOVE TO SPEND HOURS JUST LISTENING TO HER TALK ABOUT HER MOST RECENT EXPLOITS. 

THOUGH I ONCE LOVED HER ROMANTICALLY, NOW I LOVE HER DEEPLY AS IF SHE WERE ONE OF MY OWN. THE THING IS, WITH THE HISTORY OF OUR ANCESTORS, SHE VERY WELL MAY BE? SHE COULD BE, IN FACT, ALMOST WHAT ONE WOULD CALL A “COUSIN” BY HUMAN DEFINITIONS. BUT REALLY, I FEEL AS IF SHE’S MY SISTER.

I JUST WISH SHE WERE AROUND MORE.

FLAWS: I BELIEVE SHE’S AFRAID TO FACE THE MUSIC AND DEAL WITH US ALL, AND JOIN US IN THE CESSPOOL OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND DRAMA. WHICH IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT A FLAW, BUT SHE DOES ISOLATE HERSELF, EVEN WITH THE PRESENCE OF INTERNET AND SOCIAL MEDIA. 

THINGS I HATE ABOUT HER: NOTHING. 

-

JOULES IS COMPLICATED? 

I LOVE HIM, AND I HATE HIM, AND I PITY HIM. HE’S NOT THE ONLY PERSON I WANT, BUT LIKE SOME SORT OF IDIOTIC, IMBECILIC, DAFT AND DESPERATE FOOL HE’S THE ONE I WANT THE MOST. I WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL VALUED, I WANT TO FILL HIM WITH PASSION, I WANT TO DRESS HIM IN FIRE AND I WANT TO DROWN HIM IN LOVE. I WANT TO HOLD HIM WHILE HE CRIES AND TO QUELL ALL HIS FEARS, AND I WANT TO CONFIDE MY DEEPEST SECRETS WITH HIM, AND HAVE HIM CONFIDE IN ME. 

I WANT HIM TO BE MY PARTNER IN ALL THINGS, AND TO WALK THROUGH THIS HELLISH LIFE BY HIS SIDE, FOREVER. 

I WANT TO BE HIS, AND ONLY HIS, LIKE SOME STARCROSSED WEAKLING.

UNFORTUNATELY, ALL OF THIS IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE--BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT ME. NOT LIKE THAT. I’M HIS BEST FRIEND, BUT I’M NEVER GOING TO BE HIS FUCKING BEST FRIEND. WE’LL NEVER BE AS CLOSE AS I WISH WE COULD BE, AND WE’LL NEVER HAVE THE LEVEL OF INTIMACY I ALWAYS FIND MYSELF CRAVING. IT’S NOT THAT HE’S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME, BUT I’M TOO MUCH FOR HIM, AND HE DOESN’T WANT IT ALL. 

SOLLUX IS ONE OF THE STRONGEST TROLLS I HAVE EVER MET, AND ONE OF THE FEW I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH DEEMING MY EQUAL, AND MY RIVAL. HE IS A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH, AND FUCK, DOES HE HAVE A MIND. 

HE’S SO COMPLEX AND INTRICATE, TO THIS MOON HE INTRIGUES ME. HE’S AWE-INSPIRING AND AMAZING, AND SO FUCKING CLEVER. I WOULDN’T CHALLENGE HIM TO A GAME OF CHESS. 

JOULES IS UNDOUBTEDLY CHALLENGING. OUR THOUGHTS ARE SO DIFFERENT, WE ARGUE SO OFTEN.

BUT HE’S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. WHEN I’M WITH HIM--WHEN WE HAVEN’T FUCKED UP AND AREN’T SHITTING DOWN EACH OTHER’S THROATS--HE FILLS ME WITH A PEACE NO ONE ELSE HAS. 

HE MAKES ME WANT TO STAY ALIVE.

BIGGEST FLAW: HIS LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SELF-WORTH. IT LETS HIM REST HIS STANDARDS TOO LOW, AND GET CONTINUOUSLY FUCKED BY THOSE AROUND HIM. HE ALSO DOESN’T LIKE TO LISTEN TO ANY ADVICE GIVEN BY ANYONE AT ALL.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT HIM: HOW CONDESCENDING HE CAN GET, AND HOW EASY IT IS TO PISS HIM OFF.

GREG IS AN ASSFUCK, BUT HE’S MY BEST FRIEND. I DON’T WISH ANY ILL WILL AGAINST HIM AND WITH OUR UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHER I DON’T FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN HIM. HE IS WHAT HE FUCKING IS, DESPITE WHAT HE IS IS BEING AN ABSOLUTE CUNT. WE DON’T TALK THAT OFTEN ANYMORE, BUT I MISS HIM.

HE WAS MY MOIRAIL, AND I RESENT THE HELL OUT OF HIM FOR LEAVING ME.

BIGGEST FLAWS: HE HIDES HIS LACK OF CONFIDENCE WITH THIS AIR OF BEING CONCEITED, AND NEEDS TO STEP THE FUCK DOWN. HE’S ALSO EXTREMELY AGGRESSIVE AND HIDES THE FACT THAT HE HAS NO CHILL WITH A COOL PERSONA. 

JOULES: 22/10.

EVEN IF HE WEREN’T MY MATE, THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT HIS PERMASMIRK THAT DRAWS ME. ALSO HIS SLENDER BODY IS TONED AS HELL, AND IT GIVES ME A RAGING HARD ON.

MIRIAM: 11/10

HAVE YOU EVEN FUCKING SEEN HER? I MEAN??? 

GREG: 10/10

HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE WHAT JOULES WOULD BE IF HUMAN, IN ALL HONESTY. IT’S A LITTLE FREAKY. ALSO, THE COOLGUY DORK ATTITUDE IS CUTE.

SHIHAB: 11/10

HE’S FUCKING CUTE--I CAN APPRECIATE THE FELLOW MUSCLE. AS A PERSONAL PERPETRATOR OF THE SEPTUM RING, I HIGH FIVE HIM FOR HIS SEPTUM RING.

NADIRE: 0/10

DOUCHE. 

You came to a sudden, stunning realization that you were. . . lonely. You’d grown accustomed to just the very presence of your mate, and even as you worked you found that here, on the second day, it made you a bit melancholy. You just hoped he was safe, and enjoying himself. 

It was weird, however, to have an empty hive now. You remember talking to Mimi about her coming over sometime, and you imagined now was a better time than any. 

-

Suddenly dropping your paintbrush into the can of cool blue paint, Moseis stepped back from your project, and unpocketed his phone. Scrolling through his contacts, he soon found Miriam’s name, and sent her a brief text.

CG: HEY.

CG: I’M WORKING ON REMODELING THE MASTERS.

CG: WANT TO HELP?

CG: OR AT LEAST ENTERTAIN THE CATS WHILE I WORK?

#HOME PHOTOS

[HEARTBREAKING MEME: ACCEPTING]

37. My muse confesses to being a drug addict.

ailuresque

O)(, )(ow exciting! I’m very close to a smile rig)(t now. W)(at a good day t)(is is!!! 38D