#ailments

Hi everyone, needing to see if I am over reacting or not. My husband has had numerous “ailments” since I’ve gotten pregnant. I am about 14 weeks today. It started with headaches, stomachaches, etc. started with smaller things but things that again you can’t catch or really verify. He would lay down while I was expected to do everything (with the house and our pre schooler). His behavior has only increased. He has now claimed he is having intense muscle spasms in his back and can’t walk- so he gets to lay in bed all weekend. I told him then he needs to go to urgent care to get medicine/ help. He is refusing. I told him he doesn’t get to lay down for months while I do everything especially while pregnant. My back hurts too- but I still get up and take care of our child. He told me I’m being mean for saying his ailments are made up. Something in me snapped and I told him he either goes to the doctor today to be evaluated or he can go to his mom and dads house because I’m tired of running myself ragged. Did I over react?

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (95% confidence)

Top comment: “Absolutely not overreacting. His refusal to go to a doctor is very telling. If you're in that much pain, supposedly, you'd want to get it checked out. Him making his pregnant wife do everything is horrible behaviour.”

Notable comment: “NOR. even if you weren't pregnant his behavior is ridiculous. WHY would he not go to the doctor and find out what is wrong with him?! Intense muscle spasms in his back to the point he can't walk, WTH??

Also, take some of the pressure off yourself. Don't run yourself ragged. You are pregnant with a preschooler. You DO get to take care of yourself, so if he wants to play sick then get right in the bed with him. Preschooler likely will have a ball, tell him/her you're all camping for the weekend. Bring in snacks and drinks and lay in the bed too, only get up to use the can and see about preschooler's bathroom time, if they aren't potty-trained yet. That's what I would do. Also enlist his folks and yours...shame is a powerful motivator, you'd be surprised at how quickly he stops this when you get his mama and yours involved, his dad and yours. Not to 'tell on him' type of way, but 'I need help again this weekend because hubby is sick again' type of way. Two, three weekends of this and both sets of parents will be like WTF, why are you still sick and when are you going to the doctor and so on. Familial, parental pressure can work wonders.

If I were you I'd also insist he go to therapy because he needs to figure out why he is acting like this. Is he jealous of you being physically pregnant, is he jealous of the attention you get from being pregnant, is he jealous of the attention you get for the physical discomforts and pains of pregnancy, is he worried or apprehensive about the increase in his fathering responsibilities, does he resent your increasing dependence on him during pregancy, who knows. He may not even consciously know why he is acting like this.

Therapy is essential even if it turns out that there is actually something physically wrong with him because he needs to figure out and understand why he wouldn't go to the doctor, even at the point of not being able to walk...why would he worry and vex you so and why was/is he not worried about his own health.”

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Efficient management of childhood illnesses