#aideen ryan

Aran probably resented Aideen a lot growing up

not even on purpose, but. you know, dysphoria mixed with that little bit of envy of people comfortable in their bodies. looking in a mirror could trigger dysphoria, and looking at your own sister, who’s living so much better than you, does as well

it’s unfair, really. she’s exactly like him, why is she fine? why doesn’t she get anxiety looking at her body and he does, that’s not fair.

it’s not like Aideen had it easy. she probably had her own issues with puberty (body image, peer acceptance, bullying, all that usual stuff) but let’s keep this about Aran. so imagine growing up with your “sister” as if she was your best friend, always together, with that deep connection that twins are always thought to have, “i know what you’re thinking/feeling” and that stuff, then imagine this suddenly changing one day. 

Aideen actually had no idea Aran was suffering so much. She couldn’t tell, she didn’t know, how couldn’t she know? they were so close, so connected, but no. Aran had to be that way, ruining this. So yeah, she’d blame him for this. “why did you have to be like. why couldn’t you be normal. we were perfect and now we’re not and it’s you”

they likely grew distant, Aideen with her circle of friends and Aran getting into physical fights more and more frequently, angry alone and sad

Aran would fight in the streets at night under the belief that maybe, maybe if he got hurt enough? if he broke enough limbs, maybe they’d have to bring him to a hospital where they’d have to rebuild him completely and give him the body he needs. of course he knew this belief was absurd and unreal, but you know, dysphoria gives really weird thoughts, i’m 25 and i’m still convinced deep down that i’ll grow up, even though i know that my physical growth is finished

he would never really self-harm, it would just be “i’ll put myself in enough danger to be hurt a lot like A HUGE LOT”

putting this when they were about 13, i had Aran start therapy at 16-17, making these 3-4 painful years (with a little 1yo Ailis, but i’m not worrying about her now)

Aran’s timeline was diagnosis at 17, beginning of hrt at 19, top surgery at 21

(wait but would there really be a 2 years skip between diagnosis and hrt? this is ireland, they don’t have rle so maybe the timeskip would be shorter? i’d put his diagnosis later then, i still want him to start hrt at 19, idk, i’ll think of this later)

in these years he and Aideen likely got closer again. maybe after his diagnosis, they had some heart-to-heart talk (they missed each other after all and both kinda want that sibling relationship back)

i just like positive sibling relationships, that’s why i need them as friends now that they’re 23. through transitioning Aran got his dysphoria treated and his feelings of unfairness subsided, while Aideen realized that it wasn’t Aran’s fault if he was dysphoric and she could still have that connection with her brother

i’m unsure about Ailis. I have literally no idea how such a young child could react to her older “sister” becoming her older “brother”. she’d be 7 when Aran starts hrt, that’s very young. i don’t even know how they’d explain it to her